I spent November of '07- September of '10 misdiagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (it turns out that it was actually C-PTSD). The doctors began to remove the medications and by New Year's Eve, I was med free pretty much (except a Xanax every once in a while). During the detox, I had a major flashback of an event that happened with my mother and adopted father during Christmas. If I gave the whole background on my mother and I's relationship, it would take up the whole site. Anyway, my mother knew. She was there when it happened at Christmas time. She watched. The flashback was clear as day. I tried to explain to my husband at the time what was going on, but like usual, he didn't care too much. He just wanted to make sure that we were going to have sex.
I left him New Year's Day. I stopped speaking to my mother. The three years that I spent diagnosed, I was in intensive DBT treatment and because I couldn't emotionally feel anything, I was able to deal with a huge amount of my thoughts about my childhood and myself. I've gotten it down to the point where I know now, in my head, that the abuse is what really scarred me. I was in denial over it for my entire life (I'm 37 now).
Today, I go in for my first mediation meeting with my ex over child custody and divorce. He claims that I am an unfit parent, that there is something wrong with me because I don't want to have anything to do with my mother. My mother doesn't understand how I could've left my husband or why and has taken his side. She doesn't see the abuse that I endured with him for ten years. And she doesn't appreciate the fact that I now have to fight for my child. None of her four previous husbands ever wanted us.
Last night, a nationally syndicated television show re-aired a piece on my mother. She's a professional psychic who got caught giving out bad information (no, she was NOT the psychic in Texas). So now, all of my friends are contacting me and asking about it.
I feel so overwhelmed by everything that I just want to hide but I feel like I don't want to be by myself. I just want to be numb.
My only saving graces are my son, my friends and my incredible boyfriend. I don't know what else to do... I've pushed myself for so long to be close to her. To try and give her an opportunity to be my mother, but she has never done it. In the past few weeks even, I've begun speaking with her again, but it leaves me empty.
I left him New Year's Day. I stopped speaking to my mother. The three years that I spent diagnosed, I was in intensive DBT treatment and because I couldn't emotionally feel anything, I was able to deal with a huge amount of my thoughts about my childhood and myself. I've gotten it down to the point where I know now, in my head, that the abuse is what really scarred me. I was in denial over it for my entire life (I'm 37 now).
Today, I go in for my first mediation meeting with my ex over child custody and divorce. He claims that I am an unfit parent, that there is something wrong with me because I don't want to have anything to do with my mother. My mother doesn't understand how I could've left my husband or why and has taken his side. She doesn't see the abuse that I endured with him for ten years. And she doesn't appreciate the fact that I now have to fight for my child. None of her four previous husbands ever wanted us.
Last night, a nationally syndicated television show re-aired a piece on my mother. She's a professional psychic who got caught giving out bad information (no, she was NOT the psychic in Texas). So now, all of my friends are contacting me and asking about it.
I feel so overwhelmed by everything that I just want to hide but I feel like I don't want to be by myself. I just want to be numb.
My only saving graces are my son, my friends and my incredible boyfriend. I don't know what else to do... I've pushed myself for so long to be close to her. To try and give her an opportunity to be my mother, but she has never done it. In the past few weeks even, I've begun speaking with her again, but it leaves me empty.
