Drama Invading My Cave.

[mamachick]

AmyO, I have thought those same things-I am so defective that these are the people that I attract or maybe nobody. As long as those fighters are around, the more civilized won't want to be. Im not surrounded by friends but at the end of the day, I prevented the drama that comes from the friends that you have describe. I have been there and they brought me down. You are too good for that. I know that because you are here on this sight on a tuesday night. you are seeking truth and a better life for your children. Hugs to you. You do not deserve that kind of treatment. Nobldy does but is each of our place to seek something better. Progress not perfection.

 

[anthony]

Maybe it is because I have been feeling guilty more so lately that I should have been stronger to get out. That I used to be so confident and happy and that is all gone. That I am starting off at square one with my kids again, because they have regressed to a point that they have started to think it is okay to hit me again. I discipline with chores and 'boot camp' as I feel it gets my point across that I won't take it, but my heart breaks a little more each time that I feel like progress will never come. I see everyone around me with some semblance of happiness and I have to ask myself "When is it my turn?

Guilt... that is a good place for you to begin exploring no doubt.

Don't be fooled by others "perceived" masks of happiness... what is shown and what lies truly behind closed doors, often very different things.

Motivational threats are actually fairly essential for children, providing you are willing to follow through upon them if needed. If not... then you need to change threats... so they are promises. Otherwise, if they challenge you on the threat, and you collapse, you open up much further issues that they will challenge you upon and no longer listen to your threats. You will lose control effectively, having to go through a much harder process to regain it with children.

 

[Jestadud]

I can imagine the conflict of guilt and pride going on, and you should be proud at being able to defend you and yours.

To deny the guilt you need to offer a way out for the perpetrator, attacker or victim depending on how you judge the circumstances, if it was a wild animal you would know to leave it an escape route and not block it in and I believe we need similar with people. If there is a way out and they choose not to take it how can we be guilty for dealing with them harshly.

Because we can do something doesn't always mean we should, and you should try to avoid using antagonistic phrases like "you hit like a six year old girl". If you take away all their pride or self esteem you can end up facing the cornered fox or rat. The clever part of being able to recognise danger is being able to steer it away harmlessly.

 

[Ted Moen]

As a person with ptsd, there is a part of me that cheers wildly when a person with ptsd goes off on some deserving target.

But

Acting out our adrenalin enhanced, intense, old feelings on people in our current situation seldom works out well in the long run.

The world of normal people has a full range of people, from idiots to geniuses and everything in between. They wander through our world in the course of living their lives insensitive to the old stuff we carry, doing things that trigger us with no intent or real awareness of our stuff. They do stuff that triggers us in the course of living their normal lives.

Our task is to learn to behave reasonably around normal people even though we are feeling the intense feelings they have triggered.

Learning to live better with ptsd means forgiving normal people their normal insensitivities and forgiving ourselves for acting out our intense behaviors when we do that and learning about our triggers and how to manage our responses and our environment better, step by step.

Ted

 

[Kintsugi]

I wish more could learn the power of ptsd as a defence mechanism.

AmyO, wow! I don't know if this is really appropriate, but it's how I feel: I'm proud of you. I could have NEVER reacted that way. If someone so much as grabs me, the first reaction is, "Please don't hurt me!" It's a little pathetic, but I become a ball. I took classes at my local college between the ages of 13 and 17, and in those younger years I often found myself getting between a giant 20-something-year-old guy and his cowering, crying girlfriend, but if any of them ever hit me my only planned defense was, "You just hit a little girl. Explain that one to the campus police."

And that behavior is TOTALLY inappropriate. I'm 20, and if one of my friends did that I would tell them to get the f*** out and learn some boundaries and control. Just my opinion.