Dreaded dr er visits

[Non ER just psycho.]

So...I never like going to Dr’s for things like palpitations, shortness of breath, pain (I have Myofascial pain syndrome too)....and I certainly hate revealing I have PTSD when I get there.
Had symptoms for week and a half. Didn’t know if it was my MPS trigger points or a bronchial thing making it difficult to breath, leading to anxiety etc...or actual cardiac etc. I held off, not seeking help. Finally tonight, as my heart was pounding out of my chest and my left upper flank/rib/lung was in pain....I went to ER. Have a history of palpitations (family hx of pacemaker even), and the MPS knots/trigger points can be intercostal.
Still....EKG normal as suspected. Chest XR (I thought maybe I had pleurisy from previous infections) was normal. Labwork...normal.
I should be happy to hear all my tests were normal. Except....if nothing else is wrong w me...guess what it’s tossed up to? Anxiety.
So I went to ER (and drug my husband w me) and used emergency resources for...an anxiety attack. No real thing wrong, I’m just a pathetic little anxious toad. A waste of everyones time and money and effort to bother with an ER visit over nothing.
The reaction when you tell a nurse you have PTSD. The look that the nurse gives the Dr when she tells him you were on Seroquel and antidepressants. The strange questions and their laden tone: “So....who was treating you for your ptsd? What meds are you on for it? You must be taking something? Why not? Whens the last time you saw them?
Everythings normal so....follow up w your ptsd Dr and get some meds. Until then, here’s some Ativan.”
Maybe I shouldn’t even have mentioned the ptsd. I certainly won’t get revelatory about my drinking! Esp. since I worked there! Can you imagine how fast that news would travel behind the media room or cafeteria door?
I feel like as soon as you tell them you have the PTSD ....you’re taken through base protocol because they have to, but the whole time they’re winking at one another thinking ‘oh...just one of those full moon goddesses.’
Sigh. It’s moments like this when I truly feel the cost, time, energy wasted on me for nothing but ‘anxiety’. Not the person I want to be....for myself, husband, children. Ya....these are the discouraging moments. Especially since I don’t even know why I’m so anxious.
Humiliating. Hopeless.
But then I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself. Well actually, I’m feeling sorry for everyone around me.
I’ll be done now. Just needed to rant.

 

[Chris-duck]

Don't be too hard on yourself, anxiety attacks are awful and as a nurse (and a human) I'd hate for someone to decide something was anxiety and it later showed to be something serious. Especially since you have a family history of heart issues. So I for one am glad you got checked out and I'm sure the people around you are too. It is useful that you mentioned the ptsd to them, I'm glad it didn't lead them to dismiss your symptoms as of course it shouldn't. I'm also glad that physically you're okay. Try to take it easy on yourself, is there anything that usually helps ease the anxiety when it comes on?

 

[Thanks]

Hey. Thank you for replying. I can’t say anything that helps except that I drink way too friggin much.
I think what bothers me most is knowing that it likely stems from my trauma, but not knowing how. So...if something had happened, I’d been dealing with something lately or had a specific memory or nightmare....and I could therefore explain the anxiety and give logic to it...I wouldn’t feel so mental. But I have no link. No cause or reason other than I have complex PTSD and it must be related to that somehow. And if I can’t source it...I can’t fix it or explain it to anyone else.
Of course I’m thankful I’m physically ok. Had a therapy appt today (already scheduled) and was assured I’m not stupid, a waste of time or resources, mental, a pain in the ass or a burden. Appreciate your validation as well.
If it were like previous panic attacks I would’ve recognized it. But this has been a steady, intermittent presence of being on the edge of one for a couple weeks. I’ve even been in the medical field for 20 yrs myself...and feel like I should’ve known better. I knew it wasn’t cardiac. And what a bill I’ve wracked up now too.
I just wish I understood what was really causing it.
Thank you again for reading and replying.
Makes me feel not quite so alone.