SeekingAfrica
Diamond Member
I'm getting into that state of feeling everything is doomed and I'm not sure how I got here, but there it is anyway. There was this trigger saturday- okay, got through it. Was anxious Sunday and Monday, but got through my day okay. Tuesday to Thursday it's been progressively rising from "I'm anxious, but I can go through my day" to "I can barely get myself in the shower or think at all". Today is the highest point. Doing anything takes me twice the usual time. Yesterday I cried in meditation. I made a todo list for the day, but it all feels like it should all get done right now all at once(both things I decided I can do today, and like...5 times more stuff). A part of me feels like I wish I can sit down and be awake from now until everything (and more) is done, but it's one of those unlikely things, the way you sort of know that there is always housework to do, or houseproject you can start.
Even if I prioritize everything is weighing on me at the same time. I'm in constant pain, chest pain, but also my body aching, the way it happens when you're sick- but for me it happens if I'm extremely anxious. I tried meditating, I tried thought exercises to logically show myself that things aren't as bad as they feel. I talked to a friend. I took meds, I took baths, I exercised, which got me through the day, but I've managed to do almost nothing this week and my mind is panicking so much. I had to send work message today, and waiting for the response is killing me, I'm rechecking my phone all the time in case I miss it. I had to send the message while being in the store so I'm distracted enough to not be too anxious to send it. Everything hurts, in every way. I'm trying to take one thing at a time, but I'm afraid what that would mean. Not that I can't postpone things, but the more you postpone things are piling up. And, at the same time, even if I do things, it's so slow, that anyway, there is some work piling up. Work work, but also tasks. Simple things like going to the bank or returning library books, which, yes, can wait a day, but also every day there is more that isn't done. I hate being in that state, because I never know how to get out of it, I just keep trying and trying and I eventually manage. But it's been a week, I don't have time for this and it hurts:(...Sorry, I'm sorry. I know there's no magic pill.
Even if I prioritize everything is weighing on me at the same time. I'm in constant pain, chest pain, but also my body aching, the way it happens when you're sick- but for me it happens if I'm extremely anxious. I tried meditating, I tried thought exercises to logically show myself that things aren't as bad as they feel. I talked to a friend. I took meds, I took baths, I exercised, which got me through the day, but I've managed to do almost nothing this week and my mind is panicking so much. I had to send work message today, and waiting for the response is killing me, I'm rechecking my phone all the time in case I miss it. I had to send the message while being in the store so I'm distracted enough to not be too anxious to send it. Everything hurts, in every way. I'm trying to take one thing at a time, but I'm afraid what that would mean. Not that I can't postpone things, but the more you postpone things are piling up. And, at the same time, even if I do things, it's so slow, that anyway, there is some work piling up. Work work, but also tasks. Simple things like going to the bank or returning library books, which, yes, can wait a day, but also every day there is more that isn't done. I hate being in that state, because I never know how to get out of it, I just keep trying and trying and I eventually manage. But it's been a week, I don't have time for this and it hurts:(...Sorry, I'm sorry. I know there's no magic pill.
