Dumped Him And He's Going Nuts

[Gone_Girl88]

Well this is my 2nd attempt. It cut part of my other post. My apologies for the repeat.

So I thought I had found a really awesome guy that supported me and really tried to understand everything I went through and am still currently dealing with. We had been seeing each other since September and really only made it official right before Halloween.

Well about 3 weeks after we made it official he drops the L bomb on me. It came out of nowhere. I was shocked, surprised, and to be honest, freaked the hell out. He told me I didn't have to say anything back which I didn't. He said it 2 more times after that and I still didn't feel ok with it. About a week ago I really started to think about a lot of things.... He was definitely more investedin this relationship then I was. I didn't have the same feelings for him as he did for me.

I'm not an affectionate person to begin with, never really was, so everything just felt forced with him on my part. Friday night I called up my best friend of 20 years.... she had been dating his best friend but dumped her shortly after he and I began seeing each other.

Thursday was the first holiday for my dad and sister since my mom had passed. I don't get to spend much time with my dad as is, let alone time when all 3 of us are together. I wanted to be with them. He kept trying to push me to come spend time at his house... While it was a quiet day for us, I kept a low profile and didn't talk to him much. I did however text my friend like always. Later that night he messages her on Facebook wanting to know if she was talking to me and why I wasn't talking to him. That rubbed us both the wrong way.

She then told me that he continued to message her saying that maybe her and I need to spend time together and that he'd 'let' her see me for a weekend. For starters he works nights so basically we'd go out on the weekends primarily.... Whether he was joking or not, this still bothered us.

So Friday she and I go out. We talked for a long time about the situation and I told her I realized I don't feel the same way about him as he does for me. I see him as a friend at most.... and not even a friend you might think you have a crush on. Absolutely zero feelings.

To make things weirder he had told me several weeks ago that he had purchased my birthday present. My birthday is not until the 12th of this month.... to me he was jumping in a little too deep to quickly.

So Saturday morning I broke up with him. Yes it was through a text but there was no getting anything through to him any of the other times I talked to him.... Well he went a little balistic.... he called my sister thrn proceeded to tell me what my presents were.....

He bought me a new hockey jersey of my favorite player as well as having 3 pictures of my mom specially framed for me. My mom has only been gone for 8 months and I've only know this guy for 3. To me that's a little too personal and why on earth would you want to give that to me as a reminder on my birthday?!?!?! I said he didn't have to do that bit he said the pictures don't belong to him and that he didn't want to keep the jersey so when I'm at work next week he'll drop them off.

Last night he went out with his best friend who got him drunk.... he then proceeded to continue to message both of my friends saying how I could just be so cold and impersonal to him. To one of them he said he understands I need to do whatever is best for me to 'get better' but he didn't want to be any part of it. This coming from a guy who was so supportive and even tried to get me to let him come to court the day my sister's ex got sentenced.

This raised a red flag to me immediately. Then I started thinking about even more things. He always made the plans, he never asked what I wanted to do. It was always dinner is here at this time and that was it.

I'm not sure if I'm just reading too far into his reactions because of what I've recently dealt with or if this really had the potential to become a big problem. I understand he's hirt but he's taking things to a whole different level.

I'm feeling a little bit like a crazy person. I can't stop thinking about how he's been reacting for the last 24 hours. Am I crazy or did I do the right thing?

 

[nursenurse]

I think you have dodged a bullet. He is hurt and angry but also sounds controlling and possibly possessive. You will find lots of letters here from women who jumped into relationships too fast under similar circumstances and then have had problems with their guys. Hold your head high and move on. Regardless of what his true motivations were, you didn't feel "it" for the guy and the kindest thing is to let anyone go early in the relationship if something is not sitting well with you. This has nothing to do with PTSD, it is all part of the dating game period. You are not crazy, and more importantly, you are free from a mess.

 

[The Albatross]

You did the thing that was best for you and yeah, there were some flags there that definitely didn't belong in a 3 month or so old relationship.

 

[NIKI]

You did the right thing. Period. Protect yourself and do what is best for you. You don't owe him anything. I'm glad you could see the problems that where happening and you took action to protect yourself. Good for you!

 

[Laurie McLaughlin]

It sounds like you went with your instincts which is always the best route. And that takes courage - so good on you.

 

[Shadowofdoubt]

Hmm. I kind of feel that you pulled back as soon as he expressed feelings to you, which I believe is common among PTSD sufferers. So in his eyes you did become cold. It's true he may have been much more emotionally invested than you and if you didn't feel the same then it was best to end it, but I don't necessarily think it's fair to call him controlling. He loved you, and not getting that returned hurts and can cause people to act nutty. The anger you express also makes me think that maybe you feel some guilt and are looking for a reason to justify breaking up with him. It's just my take, coming from having been pushed away before from a suffering friend. All the best.

 

[circe47]

The bottom line is that nobody can/should "make" or "let" another person do anything. I think you did the right thing. No matter who you enter into a relationship with, the relationship is between you and the other person. Personally, I think the guy was being manipulative and had no right questioning and texting your friends for answers or support for his position. That kind of behavior is called drama. It also puts your friends in the position of playing games and taking sides. Best to end a relationship with someone who crosses boundaries and moves too fast.