Easily Offended And Hate It!

[Philippa]

I'm not sure if this is something caused by ptsd, but I used to, before all the traumatic events, I used to have a pretty strong grip on being able to not let peoples words offend me. That is, I was able to not take things so personally and had a thicker skin. I realized that it's my choice how I want to take someones words, and was pretty good at not taking on their crap.

For a few years though it has felt like I have had no skin...not even thin-skinned, but NO skin, at all. I get upset so easily, which upsets me even more. I take things personally, which I acknowledge, and it upsets me as well. I get easily offended, and friends keep calling me on it,a nd I can't even make them understand why, I just have to shut up because I know they don't understand...but the more they bring it to my attention, the more upset I get because I didn't used to be this way.

It feels like I have taken a complete 180 degree turn and it makes it hard to love the person I am today, though I now that's what I need to do. I feel like I'm a 5 year old most of the time. I have even had times where my voice has changed so that I actually sound like a 5 year old...which disturbs me, and others have commented on it as well...which is humiliating.

Does anyone else experience this, and is it due to ptsd? This has been going on for a few years with me, and it's brought me down a lot when I think about it.

I try not to think about it, but it's always there. I am so determined to get better, and even though I know intellectually that I can choose to take peoples words however I want and I don't need to be offended all the time, my tendency to react first, and think later...which is also a digression from where I used to be, makes it obvious that emotionally, I am not adhering to this knowledge.

Plus, I get confused because sometimes words can hurt...so, is it really a choice to not be offended...or does it mean that other people who don't get offended are really just numb to their feelings?

Not sure if that made sense to anyone, but it's been confusing me too...thanks for reading.

 

[Heather]

Oh, Philippa I'm not sure if it's due to ptsd or not but I sure can relate to this one as well. A few months back when my therapist gave me a book about narcissistic mothers. There was a passage in there and I will never forget it. It said, " that children of narcissists must change their hypersensitivity into sensitivity towards others or they will have no close friends". You couldn't describe me more accurately if you tried.

I would take things sooo personally and get my feelings hurt. Because of that I've had no close friends. I've since learned to not take things so personally and it has helped a bit. I have 2 friends now. I've also worked really hard in therapy over the past 2 years learning how to not be reactive and topomax helps ALOT with that. Especially when it comes to dealing with my mother:cautious:. I'm not saying I don't have my moments because I do but they're far and few between.

Hugs. Heather

 

[dust]

Yes, I am sure that lots of people here have this - the feeling that there is no second skin between you and the world! With me, it oscilates between being over sensitized and not reacting at all. I also agree with Heather - therapy helps, but it can also make us feel more sensitive - especially when there is a lot of prodding around going on.

Best,

dust

 

[ronin47]

I think it may be due to hypervigilance. You get upset easily by things because, if only subconcioussly, you are always considering the worst case scenario. Anytime something even very mildly distressing happens, your mind immediately interpretes it as a possible threat to your life. It doesn't dismiss it as unimportant or consider alternatives. I would infer this because a big part of my theraputic recovery process was learning to consider alternatives. If someone snapped at me or what not, instead of immediatly thinking I did something that really made the person upset, I consider that perhaps that person's just having a bad day and by chance they've decided to take it out on me.

 

[Philippa]

Thanks all.

Heather: What is Topomax? Is that a medication of some sort?

Dust: It does seem to have increased since I started with therapist and counsellors. I guess it's natural really when you are bringing stuff up to the surface, to not be able to control how sensitive you get about stuff that is non-related. It sucks though, especially when no one understands why you are being this way.

ronin47: It bothers me because I know, intellectually, that all these little things aren't worth getting upset over, but what am I gonna be like when something really bad does happen, like one of my brothers dies or a parent. That's another thing I wonder about...I get so upset about little things, but when it comes to death, I have reached a point where I am not really emotional about it.

Although I have not lost a family member so far, and not so long ago I would have wanted my mother or father to die...and even wanted to take part in making that happen...so how am I gonna be when it happens? It feels weird that I should get so upset over little things, and the big things don't really upset me...which kinda upsets me...ya know?:confused:

 

[Heather]

Heather: What is Topomax?

Yes, it can be used as a mood stabilizer (off label).

 

[Deleted member 487]

I think you're hypersensitive.

I know I usually offend a lot more people than I offend....

 

[ronin47]

ronin47: It bothers me because I know, intellectually, that all these little things aren't worth getting upset over, but what am I gonna be like when something really bad does happen, like one of my brothers dies or a parent. That's another thing I wonder about...I get so upset about little things, but when it comes to death, I have reached a point where I am not really emotional about it.

I actually don't get emotional over death either. This is because I approach it from a mentality of not getting upset or distressed about things over which I have no control. And I have absolutely no control over the fact that death comes to everyone, at some point or another, in one way or another. But that's a bit of a digression ;).

I'm a little uncertain about what you're saying. Are you worried about being unable to cope with tremendous problems, or worried about the possibility that you simply won't feel anything at all when faced with a great upheaval?

I wonder if perhaps catastrophic events bother you less because they are more familiar. Or perhaps familiar is not the right word...

It could be that you have more coping skills for huge "roadbumps" than you do for the little ones we face throughout the day, as most people do. You can go to Amazon and find a multitude of books about coping with grief and loss. However the day to day stresses are in many ways much more sinister because they creep up on us and often lie just below the surface, in that they really do cause us a lot of distress, but not quite enough for the casual observor to consider it a "crisis" until they have a cumulative force. In the past for me there were many times I would be sitting there wondering why I was so angry and irritated with the whole world for seemingly no particular reason, and somewhere along the line I realized that my exasperation was the result of not dealing effectively with the little problems along the way and their ultimate accumulation into a huge, overflowing pot of stress.

If that makes any sense at all.

 

[Cthulhu]

I have been 'skinless' for many years, too.I think more or less since I was born ;).
Not always, there have been phases where I took almost every sentence for a personal offense and others (in my adult life) where I was quite calm and ok- almost impossible to offend.

Well, I have taken Diphenhydramine (as antihistamic drug) for about two years, two years in which I was really good in thinking positive, staying motivated and not letting me get blamed or offended too much. I never thought about that being induced by the DPH (it has an antidepressant and anxiolytic effect, too, but I didn't think it had that on me) , but in early January I got a bad side effect and had to stop taking it.
And slowly I fell back into my old problems- I recently broke up with my best friend because in the end she could barely say a single sentence that didn't offend me and made me go overboard. I absolutely didn't know why- I hadn't been like that for such a long time, it was like we were talking in different languages.

On Monday I gave DPH a new try, the sideeffect has gone- and since about Wednesday, my 'emotional problem' has faded away like it never existed...
I really tried to see things objectively and to think about alternative explanations when being offended but it just didn't work- my emotional core just didn't care about the thoughts in my mind.

It's quite distressing to think about that- that a little missregulation in my brain causes what may be seen as a (negative) integral part of my personality...

 

[KP the nut]

I take everything so personally. I am gradually trying not to but it is hard. Even reading general emails about rules makes me feel as if I'm having cold water slowly poured over me and I feel guilty (for no reason) and anxious.

 

[Philippa]

I think you're hypersensitive.

I know I usually offend a lot more people than I offend....

It sounds like that's something you are rather proud of?

Maybe I am hypersensitive? Maybe you're Insensitive?:D

 

[Philippa]

I'm a little uncertain about what you're saying. Are you worried about being unable to cope with tremendous problems, or worried about the possibility that you simply won't feel anything at all when faced with a great upheaval?

I think it's just that I wonder how I will cope with something major, like a parent dying? I know that when something big does happen, I somehow click into this mode where I just deal with it really well and I don't even get upset, but the smaller things I have trouble with.

I wonder if perhaps catastrophic events bother you less because they are more familiar. Or perhaps familiar is not the right word...

I'm not really that familiar with catastrophic events. Apart from the traumatic events of my own life, I haven't really been faced with family being murdered or anything terrible like that.

It could be that you have more coping skills for huge "roadbumps" than you do for the little ones we face throughout the day, as most people do. You can go to Amazon and find a multitude of books about coping with grief and loss. However the day to day stresses are in many ways much more sinister because they creep up on us and often lie just below the surface, in that they really do cause us a lot of distress, but not quite enough for the casual observor to consider it a "crisis" until they have a cumulative force. In the past for me there were many times I would be sitting there wondering why I was so angry and irritated with the whole world for seemingly no particular reason, and somewhere along the line I realized that my exasperation was the result of not dealing effectively with the little problems along the way and their ultimate accumulation into a huge, overflowing pot of stress.

If that makes any sense at all.

Yes, I think there is something to that, what you said. Thanks.