jenkins123
Silver Member
I'm feeling lost at the restart of a relationship with someone I believe has ptsd ( he has never used this term, but shared info of his toxicchildhood being continuously beaten by his father, very upset when telling me, and that he was in therapy to try to rid himself of it finally, also citing he is emotionally numb). Things started very strong (older thread of mine shows details), but as soon as my feelings showed he became quite aloof and unavailable and we ended a year ago, after only three months as I was totally unaware of ptsd and mistook the avoidance for disinterest. On the day we parted he got drunk, got upset again mentioning his father, told me he loved me and left. I was shocked at the declaration as I had assumed he wasn't interested, so I then spent many months trying to talk to him for us to resume if he felt he loved me. This was all via email, many were ignored, one was met with aggression, then weeks later nothing until out of the blue he told me he was sorry he had been so silent, that he had resumed serious therapy for his childhood and that silence was for the best. In this time I had begun to read up on pstd (all here) and learnt the things I had done wrong (overcontact, not respecting space etc). I said I understood and was here if he needed me.
Once in a while I would text very short messages of support, no demands, questions or need for reply, and he began flirting and suggested a meet up. I accepted, and he cancelled again citing it not being "safe". Some time later I sent him a link to this site, said I cared for him but I would leave him be, and he later came back suggesting a meet up. On the day itself he cancelled, saying he didn't want to be with anyone at all. I was hurt of course, as I felt I was being pushed and pulled. I felt that as I have tried to learn (yes I am human and do make mistakes, perhaps emailing when I shouldn't), I have tried to give him space but when he suggested getting together I assumed he was ready, so I accepted any meet ups and then he would cancel. A few months went by and I sent an email ( yes I know this is wrong but it was a spontaneous moment of weakness) asking if there was any chance for us. He replied that he loved me. I said I loved him too and suggested he take the lead if he wanted to resume, to which he stated he would be in town this month.
We began flirty texts again and he said he was looking forward to seeing me. So we met, 8 months after I had last seen him on the day he said he loved me and left. There was/is of course so much to talk about (is he still in therapy, does he indeed have ptsd and if so pls give me some pointers as to how to handle your down times etc) So of course I asked nothing! Scared of overloading that stress cup! The only thing he mentioned on an emotional level was that he hated my long emailing but that he adored me. Face to face he is wonderfully attentive and loving and we obviously care about each other. When he left we made tentative arrangements to meet again, which he cancelled just before. I feel I am back to the unknown, and I am no longer sure if I am enabling this vague behaviour by not asking directly if he is ready to resume a relationship, and to ask for him to communicate his needs better to me, i.e set some boundaries. Am I expecting too much, or not enough?
Once in a while I would text very short messages of support, no demands, questions or need for reply, and he began flirting and suggested a meet up. I accepted, and he cancelled again citing it not being "safe". Some time later I sent him a link to this site, said I cared for him but I would leave him be, and he later came back suggesting a meet up. On the day itself he cancelled, saying he didn't want to be with anyone at all. I was hurt of course, as I felt I was being pushed and pulled. I felt that as I have tried to learn (yes I am human and do make mistakes, perhaps emailing when I shouldn't), I have tried to give him space but when he suggested getting together I assumed he was ready, so I accepted any meet ups and then he would cancel. A few months went by and I sent an email ( yes I know this is wrong but it was a spontaneous moment of weakness) asking if there was any chance for us. He replied that he loved me. I said I loved him too and suggested he take the lead if he wanted to resume, to which he stated he would be in town this month.
We began flirty texts again and he said he was looking forward to seeing me. So we met, 8 months after I had last seen him on the day he said he loved me and left. There was/is of course so much to talk about (is he still in therapy, does he indeed have ptsd and if so pls give me some pointers as to how to handle your down times etc) So of course I asked nothing! Scared of overloading that stress cup! The only thing he mentioned on an emotional level was that he hated my long emailing but that he adored me. Face to face he is wonderfully attentive and loving and we obviously care about each other. When he left we made tentative arrangements to meet again, which he cancelled just before. I feel I am back to the unknown, and I am no longer sure if I am enabling this vague behaviour by not asking directly if he is ready to resume a relationship, and to ask for him to communicate his needs better to me, i.e set some boundaries. Am I expecting too much, or not enough?
