Emailing Someone That Their Friend Is Dead Is Not Cool, Lacks Courtesy And Is Downright Weird.

[CraftyCath]

As others have said Ms Spock, sometimes the other person cannot cope with passing on the bad news and e-mail is all they could do.

It makes me wonder though. I can remember not having e-mail and we HAD to use the phone or snail mail. Snail mail was a slow way to deliver important news but much more personal. My mother rang me the night my Dad died and we cried together - there is so much healing in that but there also has to be a decent relationship to start with. It is a tough one to judge and I believe you have done the right thing understanding that you friend could not tell you any other way.

Me, personally, would always phone if I had the numbers.

((((((((((Ms Spock)))))))))) I am so sorry for your loss and send you love and comfort. x

 

[ms spock]

Thank you CraftyCath,

People get it wrong a lot and being kind and understanding is appropriate in some situations. In others, standing up and saying "No!" is approrpriate. Now to work out which one is which is the problem.

They weren't being mean, though it did come across as that. They are stricken in grief.

 

[Nicolette]

Ms Spock

I have been thinking about this today. I have on more than one occasion over the past year come to learn that someone I knew had passed away and considered myself a friend.

In two occasions I can think of I found out about both after the funerals, both of which I would have liked to attended out of respect.

My thoughts are these: people close to those that pass don't always know the relationships that people have with others, some don't know what is appropriate, some are private and want to keep the situation low key and personal and others are so consumed by grief they just go through the motions.

I was devastated to learn that a family friend of 30 years had passed at, due to living in another state, they did not even consider me as they had too much else on their mind and they also said when they did they thought it was too far for me to come. I would have gone :(

The world turns and we are all different. Some people think along the same lines and others don't. What is important now is for you to say your goodbye however you can and find peace for your friend's sake and your own well being. Grieve, let your emotions come forth and act how you now feel best for you. I don't think you have a "problem" other than finding your path to putting your thoughts to rest and that may be speaking up or it may not.

Your beautiful friend is gone, that is one thing which will not change, may you find peace.

 

[ms spock]

I am just being with it Nicolette.

I won't speak up because that was the best that they could do at the time.

I am in shock that A is gone and wow, she is gone.

 

[ms spock]

I also found out that my father's father had died in this last week. He died a few years ago as well as a number of great aunts, and of course, as I am not part of the family I am not told of these things.

It is hard but I have made the right decisions. Sometimes I struggle with it.

 

[Nicolette]

(((hugs))) and condolences Ms Spock.

 

[ms spock]

You brought tears to my eyes Nicolette.

Acknowledgment and being heard does count for so much and means everything to me.

Thank you for your many kindnesses

 

[amethist]

I understand how you feel Ms Spock, having found out an aunt of mine had died in September.

I did not know until I received a Christmas card back from my uncle, and they only lived a couple of miles away from me.

 

[ms spock]

It is so hard, isn't it Amethist?

I feel for you that you were put through that.

 

[CraftyCath]

Ms Spock,

Some feathered friends just popped in to cheer you up!

 

[CraftyCath]

 

[CraftyCath]