EMDR—masks went from a SUDS: 9-3-9.5

[Skywatcher]

I’m trying to decide if I should request a second visit this week. I needed to work on “masks” because it could possibly affect work when things open back up for me and I’ve been avoiding bloodwork because masks are required. I have managed to wear one for up to 13 minutes.

Today, in online therapy we did a type of flash emdr (using a newer technique that has seemed to work for me—though I hate the dreams that typically follow). The first stuff went well. I moved as low as a three from my 9. So we did a little more. Afterwards, she had me look at the snapshot, but my brain couldn’t go there. Instead, it jumped to a worse place in flashback images. She said that it’s possible that I solved the one slice of trauma memory so I jumped to the next thing. ?. So it’s the end of my session and I’m up at a 9.5 and though we calmed my system down some, I’m stuck in a young bad place including body sensations, panic and freeze feelings. All at the start of my online work week.

Do I brave this out and use my tools and fight through this on my own or do I schedule a calm down session for Wednesday, which would be in person? I feel so weak requesting an extra session, but I also know that this could head to a bad place. What should I do?

 

[ButterflyBean]

I don’t think you should suffer alone; everyone deserves support! My first question is, if masks are the known trigger, does the “calm down“ session have to be in person? My next suggestion is to think about what kind of support you are looking to gain from the session, and then maybe brainstorm ways that she could provide it given the limitations? Do you think that some relief is possible, or would you walk away from the session disappointed and worse off? You know yourself best! Maybe the following modified quote will help you: “dependence is not weakness, it’s a leap of faith”.

 

[Skywatcher]

I don’t think you should suffer alone; everyone deserves support! My first question is, if masks are the known trigger, does the “calm down“ session have to be in person? My next suggestion is to think about what kind of support you are looking to gain from the session, and then maybe brainstorm ways that she could provide it given the limitations? Do you think that some relief is possible, or would you walk away from the session disappointed and worse off? You know yourself best! Maybe the following modified quote will help you: “dependence is not weakness, it’s a leap of faith”.

I would need to go in person on the day that I’m available due to privacy concerns at home. I wouldn’t have to wear a mask. I think my main question in healing is, is it a weaker decision to ask for help or not ask? I know that going in, I would request we do the emdr where I go in the set to give my little self support and bring her into the present with me, but I can also do that at home. It just seems to work better when I’m with my T. It is pricey as well, but there was a time when I was going twice a week quite a bit, so I shouldn’t worry about the money.

 

[ButterflyBean]

It’s understandable that you are feeling weak about needing and asking for extra help. I can relate to that. It’s also understandable that you want to use coping skills, like bringing your younger self into the present with you, on your own. Is there something about being with your T that seems to make things “work better” or easier? If so, I wonder if considering that aspect of your decision would help. Doing so might give you specifics when/if you do decide to ask for extra help, which might make the thought and task feel more approachable and less week. Also, remember when you needed support to learn hugs? Can you think of this situation as learning to ask for help in order to support all parts of yourself? In essence, asking for help is you supporting all parts of yourself by reaching out to your T independently. Does that make sense?

I believe in you and your ability to decide what’s best!

 

[Skywatcher]

@ButterflyBean, thank you. I did set up an appointment with her on Wednesday. My gut is usually right on these things, but your encouraging of it really helped me. It seems that the stronger and more capable I get, the more that I feel the need to question the extra appointment, though. Everything is so different lately because I actually trust her. I think this opens up some gates that were keeping the really bad stuff contained in previous years. Tonight hasn’t been easy. I appreciate you for chiming in.

 

[joeylittle]

@Skywatcher - glad you made the appointment. And it’s really OK to get that support.

 

[ButterflyBean]

Hey @Skywatcher, I’ve been thinking about you all day! Just wondering how your extra session went today? I hope you’re glad you asked for extra support and feel somewhat better then at the beginning of the week. Either way, be proud of yourself for seeking extra help! You deserve it!

 

[Skywatcher]

@ButterflyBean It went okay. I think that I’m just dealing with something really bad. I’m functional, but we only got my 9.5 down to a 7. I was having to work really hard to stay present. Dizzy in the back of my head. After coming home it seems to be simmering at an 8. I’m just so tired of all of this. I want my life back. We keep going over how I need to be the one in the driver’s seat, it is really hard to do that right now.