This whole thread helped. I appreciated the honesty and levity. I wonder if "normal" people with no trauma ever feel this way? I would assume and tried to live as though I had no "trauma" issues. For years I did all I could to "look the other way" and block out memories. Then due to middle age and other situations, I am trying to deal with it. And as I gently go thru each session I ask - why am I choosing to do this? Why am I allowing these memories to surface and go thru this? I suppose it is due to the social awkwardness I feel, or trembling & freezing, of wanting a healthy relationship, for my kids, I don't want to die without exploring this, etc... And sometimes when I am spinning I will do a quick search. I saw this thread today and Thank you, you all helped. May you each do well and triumph the fight.
