EMDR

[Rey324]

I had some questions about EMDR. I have read it works really well for some people. I would love to have freedom from the trauma that has held me prisoner for yrs.

Things I don't get and maybe you all can fill in the gaps for me to help me understand.

1) Does it help with self esteem ? My self esteem is shot because of the trauma(s) and an unending dental situation (caused by the trauma too)
2) Does it help with toxic shame people carry? Externally and internally the shame is eating at me. The dental situation is far from being fixed and if that is not fixed the shame will continue along with the guilt. Like example say you are missing all your teeth and have no dentures the emdr takes away all those negative feelings??
3) Social anxiety ? The shame and guilt seem to be tied to this as well. I have poor social skills and don't click with people and or I am met with rejection bc of the dental situation. Paxil was suppose to be helpful for social anxiety and it never turned me into a social butterfly. Instead it caused me to grind and break my teeth.
4) how does it help those with developmental trauma ? I keep hearing things like working on stuck parts. Does emdr fix those parts or is that a separate therapy ?
5) Resources - therapists have asked who my nurturing figures are, protective person and a wise person. I never had any of these past or present. I have been profoundly isolated for the past 10 yrs. No friends or family.
6) From what I gathered EMDR does not let you talk. Being so isolated I need to have that option as well as the emdr. Do you need separate therapists for that ?
7) what terrifies me about emdr is the after effects. I have read it is really hard on people emotionally. That scares me because if things get really bad I truly have no where to turn to.

Now another situation is a therapist I am currently working with for past yr. She is trained in emdr. I had a really bad experience a few weeks back and am on the fence in returning.

1st off I would like to say I am disabled PTSD and have been for quite some time. In an appt a few weeks ago the therapist said I did not look disabled. I did not ask if I did. This was at the end of an appt and I had to wait to next appt to ask what was meant by that. Next appt I asked the therapist and she said she doesn't see me disabled. She sees me more being impaired. (WTF impairments are disabilities) I raised the question at some point I would need papers filled out (CDR SSDI review) to support my disability. She said she could not fill them out - it was a conflict of interest (?? I don't see a conflict - my disability is mental health related) and my regular doctor (I see him one every 3 yrs if i have a cold and they have no idea about my mental illness) should fill them out. She then went onto say people focus too much on the disability and do not want to get better. That infuriated me because I spent 10+ yrs being knocked around the system being misdiagnosed everything under the sun, given medications that caused irreversible damage to my teeth and the trauma was ignored. Next thing the therapist said BEYOND hurt me. She said she has this client who is disabled and would fight tooth and nail. At that point I was dissociating. It wasn't til I got home and that final comment really hit me. This therapist knows my history and knows no one ever fought for me or protected me. That sent me into a really dark spiral. I have not returned. I don't know what to do. There are not many trauma therapists in my area and then insurance plays another factor. One part is saying run away. Other part is saying yes that was hurtful what happened but work through it. For the most part the therapist has been compassionate, understanding etc. Can you comeback from an appt like that? to be rebuild trust and work through it?

Sorry so long of a post. But thx for reading

I tried to edit but wouldn't let me.

What I was trying to say about the therapist is--> those comments were invalidating, like my trauma didn't matter or was not as serious as her other clients. That she was judging and comparing me to her other clients. (social anxiety nerve stuck) That I was being minimized and not taken seriously. That the therapists language was ableist (I do not look disabled) I expect random people to say that not someone in mental illness. Could you bounce back and work through all that hurt with the therapist ??

 

[susannahsays]

I think I would get a different therapist. This one sounds like she has some sort of resentment and judgement towards people with trauma who are not in a place where they can function well enough to be employed and earn a living. She could be very harmful to you.

As for the EMDR stuff, I'm probably not the best person to advise you on that. I'm not a huge fan of EMDR. However, I would say that a good therapist could help you with all the things you listed. From what I can tell, some people have a therapist for regular therapy and also an EMDR therapist, and some people have a therapist who does both. I'm not sure if the former group has two therapists because the EMDR therapists won't let them talk, or if it's because they want to keep working with their regular therapists while also receiving EMDR. I think it's usually the latter.

FWIW, if you feel like you need to talk about things, there might not be much to gain from EMDR. There is no evidence that it is anything other than exposure therapy - meaning there is no evidence that the bilateral sensory input actually does anything. There is no doubt that it does help people - I am not saying it doesn't - I am just saying that exposure is the key, and EMDR doesn't hold the monopoly on that.

 

[Skywatcher]

I would talk to your therapist about what she said. I misunderstand my therapist many times and we figure it out together. If you don’t like her answer, leave, I see my therapist for c-ptsd despite the fact that I was originally sent to her for emdr. I use her for everything because it takes me so long to develop trust. Before she knew that my case was complex she tried traditional emdr on me. It had some problems. She has since modified how we do it and it has been very helpful. It does help with self esteem and you can talk to your therapist in the process. We have established resources in the process. If helps you change negative beliefs about yourself. I think it’s a good tool, but I think you need a really good emdr t if you have multiple traumas or issues.

 

[subtleomen]

I'd go back at least one time and tell the therapist how I felt. If you can't continue with him/her, at least you've laid your cards on the table honestly and can move forward with integrity.

 

[Freida]

What I was trying to say about the therapist is--> those comments were invalidating, like my trauma didn't matter or was not as serious as her other clients. That she was judging and comparing me to her other clients. (social anxiety nerve stuck) That I was being minimized and not taken seriously. That the therapists language was ableist (I do not look disabled) I expect random people to say that not someone in mental illness. Could you bounce back and work through all that hurt with the therapist ??

I agree -- go back with this post and tell her this is what you heard her say. Ive had to do that a couple times and my T has been horrified each time because that wasn't what she said. If it was what she said, then you can think about moving on to someone else.

Does it help with self esteem

It can

Does it help with toxic shame people carry?

yep

From what I gathered EMDR does not let you talk.

Not true. It is a treatment you can do without speaking, which is very attractive to some people. But my T and I talk throughout the whole thing

what terrifies me about emdr is the after effects.

Ya. bout that...

here's my stock response :laugh:

I've been doing it pretty much weekly for over two years now and can tell you --- EMDR is hell. Sheer unadulterated hell. The only reason I stick with it is that when it works it is unbelievable!!! That horrible memory in my head that scares/angers/depresses the crap out of me is suddenly just. a non event.
So its worth it.
But
There's a pretty heavy price because it requires that you relieve the experience. You pull up the memory and go thru it again. All the sights, sounds, and physical and emotional pain. And that is tough.

My sessions kinda go like this...
I get to therapy and we review last week, then set up the equipment (I use headphones, some people use visual ques or hand buzzers) Then we discuss which memory we are going to work on and how I "feel" both physical (remembered pain) and emotionally (how it affected me). It took me almost a year to be able to answer that question because I simply didn't know

Next you start the process of going into the memory, reliving it, then re framing how you feel about it. It takes for freaking ever because the processing is done in seconds. I started at about 15 and I think now I can go for up to three or four minutes minutes. Did I mention you are reliving it? Ya - that thing that gave you ptsd in the first place is back in all it's glory. :(

I come home, jump in the tub for a salt soak because for me it is so physically painful, then go to bed. I can't have anyone around me. Sometimes I'm angry, sometimes I'm sad - usually I'm just exhausted. I'll listen to meditation tapes or spa music for a while, then I'm usually up and down all night prowling the house. It takes about 24 hours to get out of my system and if anyone tries to talk to me or make me interact during that time.... well lets say I'm not so nice. I think the term Raging Bitch has been used a time or two. :laugh: I'm so brain dead I can't spell C.A.T. Its like my brain is eating itself. Finally it breaks and then I can be a human again. That's weird -- its like all the sudden whoosh I'm back to human.

A couple days later I'll have a rebound and get sucked into the memory again - but that's not as dramatic. It works it's way out and then do it again next week. And ya, it was way worse when I first started because I didn't have a routine of coping skills in place. Those took a while to work out.

Everyone in my world knows to not even try to engage with me on Day 2. There isn't anything anyone can do for me because I'm on such overload. Sometimes I angry clean the house -- one good benefit :laugh:

So why do I put myself thru it? Because when it works it is amazing. Its like a light switch goes off in my head. Suddenly that horrible memory that has ruled my life and made me want to puke for years just...doesn't matter anymore. Its a memory --- far in the past. Sad memory, but not big deal.
Freaking awesome!

If you go this route make sure your T is EMDR certified. They should start by setting a "safe space". That's using emdr to give you a place in your head to go if it gets too tough. Then they start SLOWLY. As in just a few seconds of review, then a few seconds of how you think about it, then a few seconds of what you want to think. They should ease you into the process so it's not totally overwhelming.

Of course this is just my experience, other people may have an easier time with it but.... most I talk to kinda follow this pattern.

Hope that helps??

 

[Skywatcher]

It’s funny how it is similar/yet different for different people. I did emdr yesterday and my kitchen is spotless right now. When I first started out, my work schedule was already set and I had to go to work two hours after seeing my T... not recommending that. Now, I have it set up at the end of my work day. I go home and nap or watch good movies. Yesterday, I literally went to the theater and watched two different movies. The inbetween time was an awful feeling nap (where I woke up in the fetal position clinging to my blankets) and a bunch of bad flashes.

Here is the weird part for me. Sometimes my mind gets so cluttered with the information that it doesn’t process for a few days later. I can tell because I won’t even be able to remember all of the emdr, but pieces of it slowly start to break out in small chunks of memory.