Emotional Disconnect?

[Springer80]

Sounds like your trying to jump a level. Im not saying I didnt do exactly the same. It effected my education too but if you feel fear of being swept away then maybe thats where you can start, cos its real and connected?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hmmm...

I'm wondering.... Have you ever done any inner child work? It helped me because I was able to see the abuse as happening to her (even though she was me a long time ago) and it enraged me to know that someone hurt her, an innocent child. I am a VERY protective person and my inner child knows I will defend her and protect her no matter what. It really helped me to have this separation as it let me move out of a purely emotional mind into my wise mind. Maybe you are stuck in your emotional mind and your brain is saying "too much, must shut down!" and that is why you're like this now?

Just my perspective, as this is what happened with me (I think!). Of course it could be completely different for you.

 

[y5L]

I know I resisted (okay, I still resist!) feeling much of anything associated with trauma out of a fear that it'd send me into a full on breakdown and I wouldn't be able to handle it, be hospitalized, lose my job, get evicted, etc., etc., etc. (Spiral much??) I know better than that now, but I only know it in my head. My heart doesn't fully trust that knowledge yet. I'm learning to let myself feel whatever I need to feel, though. Bit by bit. Day by day.

 

[Jane.l]

Do we have to feel to heal ? And if so why ?

 

[Tinyflame]

Good question @Jane.I .

I can relate, it's like giving the 'weather report'. Not sure why for me- too painful, too embarassed to say it, feel it's over, etc. Most men I find do it all the time. Maybe they know why, or could explain it? I don't know any other way.

 

[shell]

I was like this, I would even laugh when talking about it, or say it with a smile on my face, but no connection to it what so ever.

My last therapist had me write left handed as the child and my normal right handed was the adult, it activates the emotional side of my brain that was switched off. I did inner child work, to learn to be kind and compassionate and would journal back and forth from the child to the adult.

He also had me feel the water on my self in the shower, to get me more self aware, grounded. It was only after several weeks of this that I got back in my body, and the emotions came back.

 

[FindingMyself88]

@Springer80 what level am I trying to jump though??

@Solara The only time I've done anything similar was a few months back when I had a particularly difficult flashback. I was looking at houses/apartments for when my parents moved up here and me and the realtor agent were outside. All of a sudden she went back inside and when I realized it, I had a bad flashback. As a child, my dad and his wife would leave me outside all day by myself (or with her granddaughters. No food and water either) and at least once they left me and her granddaughters outside overnight. Since then I am extremely afraid of backyards by myself…it is weird. Anyways my T asked me what did that me, that little girl, need then. It was the closest I've come to being "emotional" about anything.

A lot of you have interesting stories. @shell The writing with my left hand seems like something my T might eventually try with me. She is very into arts and such.

I did kind of think of something last night that I wanted to ask. I've never been able to be comfortable around kids. Babies, yes, but once they reach the toddler stage until about 11, I am so very awkward with them. Could it be because I can't connect with my own self at that age? That is the primary age range (3-11) that the severest abuse happened…. hmm this might be something to ask my Therapist.

 

[Springer80]

I dont know, everyone is different.

 

[y5L]

@Springer80 what level am I trying to jump though??
I did kind of think of something last night that I wanted to ask. I've never been able to be comfortable around kids. Babies, yes, but once they reach the toddler stage until about 11, I am so very awkward with them. Could it be because I can't connect with my own self at that age? That is the primary age range (3-11) that the severest abuse happened…. hmm this might be something to ask my Therapist.

I'm like that with kids, too. For a long time I thought it was just because I didn't know what to do with them- like I wouldn't be "fun" for them or would make some mistake in watching them and they'd get hurt or be messed up forever. Now I'm starting to see that being around kids who are about the same age I was when my first major trauma happened is REALLY hard for me. I almost always get triggered around them. Which, of course, does actually make me not fun for them to play with and if I'm babysitting could potentially inhibit my ability to keep them safe, unless I'm quick to recover with all of the coping skills I'm learning.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@FindingMyself88,
I think that if looking at yourself as a little girl prompted emotion, then this is a type of therapy that you should explore. It may not work for you, but I think that its quite telling that you were able to feel after tapping into the inner child.

Out of all of my therapies (and I've tried a lot!), I'd have to say that the inner child work was probably the most enjoyable as it allowed me to tap back into that innocent, fun, side of myself. Don't get me wrong, it was work, and difficult at times, but I still get a lot of enjoyment out of my inner child as she keeps me young and fun. Some therapists encourage you to get your inner child to grow up, but mine will always be a little girl. She is meant to be a little girl, and there is not need for her to grow up. I think of her as separate from me, but also a part of me as well. Its definitely a different way of thinking that takes a bit of adjustment! I still use my inner child work when I am feeling especially self-critical or having hateful thoughts as it allows me to have compassion for myself since I can have more of a third-person view of the situation and can be more objective.

 

[FindingMyself88]

@y5L This could be what happens with me too. I don't get like extremely anxious, but I am incredibly awkward around them and on edge. I have never babysat a child by myself.

@Solara I might bring this up to my new Therapist when I see her next week as I did this with my old therapist. That sounds great, but I don't think it would do the same for me in that sense. Whenever I do think of my childhood, I have no recollection of true unrestrained fun. Even when playing, I was always afraid. My friends seemed like the ultimate dare devils compared to me. I was afraid to do anything!! I have heard that people do inner child work to find out what they needed and actually give it to themselves, such as comfort and love. I felt extremely awkward even just TALKING about what I needed during that flashback, so I know this will be very much out of my comfort zone. Which might be a good thing...

 

[Notsowild]

This is me. I can talk about my traumas and feel no emotion. My T has pointed this out to me. But they must see this from others. Am I that odd? It is like an emotional numbness.