Emotional Flashbacks

[intothelight]

I went from being a calm person who had an unhealthy inability to have any anger, to this volcano. When I got it it was 10 minutes like I was on fire. I dealt with it by in a normal tone swearing at myself and holding in in going to the spare room and punching pillows and swearing. What else can you do with such anger? It's not right to take it out on anyone else. It didn't last forever for me, just 9 months, it is starting to get better. I am not feeling the volcano anymore just angry. The anger is going and is starting to be replaced by better things.

Hi Maze,

I am experiencing the same thing. No anger for years, and suddenly I am directing it inward. It is so self-destructive and I am working hard to channel it outward into some positive areas. Sometimes, I just gets so convoluted and even my best intentions end up failing, and I am attacking myself again.

I am so happy to hear that you are finding some relief from the intense anger. It give me, and others, hope.

Deb

 

[Abrasky]

Thanks into the light. It has gone from throwing my head into the wall and hitting myself while lying on the tiled floor in front of the washing machine crying to a lot of swearing and no headbanging. The anger is starting to resolve, It was a sign the therapist had hit the right spots I suspect. If it hurts the right spots have been hit by the psychologist.

Self destruction is something I am still trying to understand in myself. I wonder in me if the same process that occurrs in stockholm sydrome (where love gets twisted around so the victim won't love everyone else but loves the abuser) happened with me in many different areas besides love causing my brain to be unable to resolve decisions any more. I just realised today that I am trying to avoid a feeling that is a bad feeling from when I was 9, it became attached to sunshine feeling during a trauma when I was 19. I want to have sunshine, but because this scary shadowy feeling is attached I just end up tired of sunshine very quickly and resort to doom and gloom instead and self destruction instead. The self destruction is the logical choice for my brain when it is too stressed and too tired to make decisions any more.