Emotional reasoning ..... an ingrained cognitive distortion

[Abstract]

Lionheart, it makes total sense for the child you to think that way and for the adult you to think this way too. You deserve only compassion and kindness as well as understanding. You have accomplishes much and will win over this too.

 

[Lionheart]

Thank you (((Abstract))),

I needed the 'vote of confidence' and I appreciate it so much!!! I haven't been that ill for a long time and now that I am recuperating, I feel so much gratitude and relief. It is difficult to carry all of the blame for everything that goes wrong and I am so ready to lay that burden down!!! Thank you again for your support!!!

Lion

 

[ms spock]

Blaming yourself was a way of not going crazy in an insane family situation. It is maladaptive now but it was a great survival technique as a child. Be proud of that smart inner child.

So it was a form of self comfort, self soothing, self care and managing scary emotions.

What are you going to put there in its place so you are still getting the self comfort, self soothing, self care and how are you going to manage scary emotions so that you don't go back into this default position?

I think it might be more of doing good stuff for yourself (emotional regulation, self care, self soothing) and focussing on how that would look for you rather than just trying to get rid of the self blame. It won't go if you don't put something in its place to take over the function of the self blame.

The self blame kept you safe. It stopped you from going insane. So what do you need to put in place so you get the pay offs of the self blame without all the icky stuff?

 

[Lionheart]

What are you going to put there in its place so you are still getting the self comfort, self soothing, self care and how are you going to manage scary emotions so that you don't go back into this default position?

That is an excellent question Ms. Spock!!! I am not sure just yet what all I will need to do for myself. I know that I put off going to the doctor and I won't do that again! I also wanted to sleep with my teddy bear while I was sick and I didn't do that either, but I will next time I am ill.

I will have to brain storm some self-care and self-soothing techniques for use in the future and I will prepare some affirmations, but I am still unsure of what all I will need to do at this point. I appreciate your bringing this question up as it is clearly important for me to be prepared for the next time I fall ill.

I want you to know that I absolutely appreciate your support and encouragement and I will give this some serious thought.

 

[KP the nut]

I also wanted to sleep with my teddy bear while I was sick and I didn't do that either, but I will next time I am ill.

I love my teddy bear.

Please do whatever self care you need.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm glad @StrongerNow , did not imagine that could help.

I find when healthier these things and concepts make sense, when not feeling particularly great my mind tells me the 'trying' and the rest is a lie and to discontinue trying to fight it.

((((((((((((LH))))))))))))))

 

[ms spock]

That is an excellent question Ms. Spock! I am not sure just yet what all I will need to do for myself. I know that I put off going to the doctor and I won't do that again! I also wanted to sleep with my teddy bear while I was sick and I didn't do that either, but I will next time I am ill.

That is great that you have made those decisions.

I will have to brain storm some self-care and self-soothing techniques for use in the future and I will prepare some affirmations, but I am still unsure of what all I will need to do at this point. I appreciate your bringing this question up as it is clearly important for me to be prepared for the next time I fall ill.

That is great. So make a Cheering up Box for Lionheart. So you have things in there that you can look at that bring you comfort, solace and make self soothing easier.

I want you to know that I absolutely appreciate your support and encouragement and I will give this some serious thought.

You are very welcome. It is what we do here hey?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Have you ever done IFST (inter family systems therapy)? Through IFST I was able to get down to my "bad" feeling. It was at the root of all (negative) feelings. IFST allows you to name all of your thoughts and feelings. You map them out on paper with the relationship between each. "Bad" was well hidden, and I had "protector" actions/feelings which perpetuated his existence. I suspect the same may be true for you if that feeling of bad won't go away. My bad feeling is still there, but he seems to have a lot less power these days.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

@StrongerNow Thank you. You triggered me It took me back to feeling my 5yr old bewilderment. She forced me to question my existence. I wanted to live! It's innate. I wanted to be happy. My will to live meant more to me than her words. Or anything she forced me to do.

Thank you for jolting me. it's time for me to understand my timeline. I've started my trauma Diary.

My comments don't belong in this thread. Everyone heals differently. I struggled through the madness like everyone else. Having to tell my older brother I'm sorry I was born and ruined his childhood. Triggered something deep. My first spark of independence? Whatever it was/is I'm grateful.

 

[Barconian]

This is one of the better threads I have been reading... The positive, realistic responses are pouring in :)

PTSD is simply "fear" caused by a traumatic event or series of events that have happened to certain people at some stage of their life! The difference between PTSD and anxiety is that PTSD we have flashbacks and shitty nightmares. Anxiety which also comes with PTSD is our fight or flight response to our own thoughts of what might happen if we stay in this situation, whether the situation is life threatening or not! cPTSD is caused from not one trauma, but multiple trauma's which could be from being caught in one negative situation causing us to feel already vulnerable when faced with what we then perceive as life threatening in our own mind, due to certain events being more difficult to cope with than we can handle.

If we have a normal happy loving life and suddenly have trauma causing us PTSD, it is much easier to remove than having multiple trauma's caused by an emotionally horrific life or been caught in multiple life threatening situations. Having combat PTSD is different again as the person with the trauma is forced to stay in the overall situation for unreasonable lengths of time, which in turn amplify's their fear, and their coping skills are reducing rapidly as they can't fight or run and are made to carry on in their traumatic situation.

We need to look at each individual's personality, sensitivity level, coping abilities and behaviour, before we can create a strategy that is best suited to each individual! Professionals (councillors, psychologists or psychiatrists) learn their professions by reading and statistics! Which makes it hard for them to understand each patient individually, unless these professionals have experienced what their client is suffering and still it comes down to understanding their clients personality and behaviour patterns... That is probably why it takes some people a long time to find the right doctor that they can relate to.

If we could simply switch off our emotions and only think with our logic... We could easily develop a strategy to overcome this debilitating disorder, but it isn't so simple. Some people are naturally emotional, some are logical and some are both. The trouble is that to fit in this world and with other people and animals, we need to have emotion, so we can have a level of empathy and compassion or we will be out cast from society and be classed as antisocial.

The reason why we dissociate is because our mind is already at the higher level of constant distress and our brain goes into overload and switches off or creates another personality to protect itself from overloading, which could cause permanent irrecoverable damage (insanity).

The reason why some of us fall into psychosis is because we have been in a negative environment or developed negative beliefs to the extent that our thoughts become confused and start to belief our thoughts are normal, when they are not! Psychosis is when we go beyond rational thinking and slipping into e rational thinking. If it is fear related, we stay in constant protect mode. If the e rational behaviour, is learnt behaviour, then we would have evil tendencies and have up to severe antisocial issues and if we believe this, we are normal, in our own mind. We wouldn't see anything wrong with what we are doing to cause grief untoward others!

If a parent locks a child in a room, belittled, demeaned and beat that child regularly, for the entirety of their childhood... That child will come out psychotic! If a parent constantly put fear untoward their child for the entirety of their childhood... That child could quite easily develop Schizophrenia or at best major anxiety issues! If a parent taught the child to face their fears and gave support, love and positive or realistic encouragement for all their childhood... Then that child would grow to be a fairly confidant!!! Unfortunately our parents may not have learnt the correct parenting skills either, because they too may have been brought up with the same pattern and until someone in the family pushes to change their learnt behaviour, nothing will change. If this pattern goes for many generations, it could become evolution and the monsters per Se' will become a normal part of that families tree of life.

The worst thing about PTSD is that it is an emotional disorder, not a physical one. If it was a physical disability, then it would be a lot easier to repair, but it's not! As people, all we can do is stay strong, keep our courage up and hope to Christ that we will beat this debilitating nightmare.

 

[ms spock]

The worst thing about PTSD is that it is an emotional disorder, not a physical one.

Indeed.

 

[Lionheart]

I have been struggling with emotional reasoning again and I have identified the core belief that is being triggered when I am ill and that is, ("I am not good enough"), ("I am not lovable"), therefore the thinking goes, I must deserve this. (illness or whatever is causing me pain).

I must replace these misguided thoughts with self-compassion and proactive self-love /self-care. I am still learning how to do this!! Suggestions are most welcome.

My therapist told me the longest lasting affect that PTSD would have on me is that I would always be emotionally vulnerable. I wonder what she meant?