Relationship Empathy vs "tough love"

[caligirl03]

I struggle with truly understanding and living by where this line is constantly. Granted it's different for everyone, and we all have our individual limits, but I just wish there were a general guideline! I feel like if I'm too "soft" or compassionate I give off doormat vibes and welcome more of the same behavior, but on the other hand, when I draw my line in the sand, I feel like I'm not being "understanding" enough and am scared of how my sufferer will cope without me. It's all so confusing and exhausting!

 

[The Albatross]

There actually are a wide variety of general guidelines. Many books on codependency, boundaries, safe people. If you're scared of how you're sufferer will cope without you I'd start with codependency and boundaries.

 

[Suzetig]

Empathy and tough love aren't mutually exclusive - you can empathise fully with a persons situation while knowing you need to keep your own boundaries.

I may really feel for a friend in debt, but the chances are that I won't be lending her money any time soon because I'd quickly resent it if she didn't repay me. I might feel a huge degree of empathy for someone with a substance misuse issue, but I'm not likely to allow them to live with me because I have children who need to be cared for and protected. Both might feel like "tough love" but really I'm just setting limits on what I can give, which is fine.