Sufferer EMT With CPTSD

[lutz0660]

I'm new to a lot of things these days. I'm new to this forum, as well as my First Responder status. I have only been an EMT for 2 years in a small town with a fire department. I love the work, every bit of it (even when I got puked on). I don't know quite how to explain it. It's not about the adrenaline rush, but more about the fact that I make a difference; even if it's holding someone's hand... I matter. I also have Complex PTSD and have just recently (after going to a first responder conference) reached out to a therapist that specializes in working with first responders. Now... now I have to figure out how to talk to him.
I love my life, but am struggling financially, and with drinking, and with all the memories... and it seems impossible to find people who understand!

 

[Trapped_Lost]

I’m not a first responder but I have CPTSD... I get it feeling lost, and like no one gets it. They either try to, say they get it but don’t, or get upset with you because they can’t understand. That’s the thing no one can even begin to understand unless they live it. I completely get where you’re at because I’m right there with you. Kinda hopeless, but there is hope. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, just gotta keep going I suppose.

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums!

 

[Lucycat]

Hi @lutz0660 and welcome to the forum. I have CPTSD too. There are quite a few of us here on the forum, so I am sure you will find it helpful.

 

[Freida]

I did the dispatch thing for 20, so I get it (but I only got puked on once by a pregnant trainee! :laugh:)
So welcome -- you will find a lot of people here who understand.
Does your department have a peer support group? There are some really good programs out there. NAMI is also a huge help if you are in the states

Now... now I have to figure out how to talk to him.

Experience with first responders is a huge benefit! Mine wasn't so she had a pretty steep learning curve. :laugh:
Don't be afraid of how to talk - just say whats on your mind. She can lead you from there....

 

[lutz0660]

I did the dispatch thing for 20, so I get it (but I only got puked on once by a pregnant trainee! :laugh:)
So welcome -- you will find a lot of people here who understand.
Does your department have a peer support group? There are some really good programs out there. NAMI is also a huge help if you are in the states

Experience with first responders is a huge benefit! Mine wasn't so she had a pretty steep learning curve. :laugh:
Don't be afraid of how to talk - just say whats on your mind. She can lead you from there....

I will be talking to him today. My session is this evening. I have spent the last week talking with people here and have decided to bite the proverbial bullet and see what comes of it. The thing that really has gotten to me is that I've never had a difficult time talking about my abuse. Of course I don't talk in great detail, but I teach a few classes about advocacy and lead out in a few support groups. I was surprised when I could only use the word "handsy" with my therapist. So, today I will address this issue. I probably won't be telling him everything, nor should I... but I do need to get the awkward part over so I can focus on getting to the real work.

 

[ChildofGod]

Welcome to the forums. I am very happy you joined here. You will find support and safety here. I am sorry you are going through so much.

 

[EveHarrington]

The thing that really has gotten to me is that I've never had a difficult time talking about my abuse.

This isn’t unusual.

 

[Atticus]

lutz,

sorry to hear about your struggles. I have no experience as a first-responder, but I do have some experience with the drinking.

Two weeks after the trauma I experienced I resorted to the bottle (80 proof whiskey, straight). Gave that a shot for a while hoping I could drown it out, but to no avail. Since I didn't want to create an additional problem (in addition to the PTSD) -- nor did I want to compound the problem I already had, I decided to stop drinking as a coping mechanism. Everything is still there, heightened, and I've sought treatment, but one thing I've decided to do is not drink over it. For me it would be an impediment to recovery.