Ending Therapy?

[Jane.l]

Ooh no I don't do phone or Skype - either you are in or out - I know I need to be 'there' with the person - I take all sorts of cues from body language, eyes, my instinct - need that.
Scout you don't like the woman t trust your instinct - I wouldn't work with a female T - do you have any other options ? Can you make it work with him? Or is the distance too far ?

 

[radicalgratitude]

I get that. I know I would LOVE to see my therapist in person, but it is way better than just talking with him on the phone. Without him, there are no other options as I live in the middle of nowhere.

Sometimes, it's all you can do.

 

[Chava]

Definitely make some notes for yourself...and you'll have lots you can talk about next time (or via e-mail if that works). I can't see my therapist every week. Seeing someone really close who does just like talk-centered counseling, but every week, doesn't actually seem like a better option. I did that. It was nice to have a little connection but I just wasn't getting anywhere...left at the point I started getting angry because I was fidgeting and my therapist was pointing that out in negative ways. In somatic-type therapy I don't have to be freaked out by my body or my energy. Anyway, beside the point. But if you feel like this therapy has been helpful for you, the scheduling stuff and travel might be worth consideration. I don't know what your other options are...good to consider those too and balance out your options. I actually travel quite a bit...could go weekly for a while, now every other week. It's not perfect...I'd do better with weekly appointments but just can't make it fit. But, it does feel like the right therapy, so I'm just plain frustrated sometimes.

 

[scout86]

If he can still fit me into his schedule, I'm willing to make the drive. The roads aren't always the best in the winter, and scheduling might be a challenge, but it should be possible. Maybe he thinks I can/should quit? Maybe he has another idea.

He did make one kind of odd remark earlier in the session, that has me wondering a bit. I had what I guess was a flashback not long ago. Not something that happens often. It was weird and we'd been talking about it and related stuff. He's not a fan of medication (and neither am I). He paused and said something about needing to mention that he hoped I was aware that sometimes you need to be careful of what you say to "members of his profession" because they might decide you need medication. I might have heard him wrong. I might be remembering wrong. He says stuff I don't immediately get all the time. I let this one go, because I saw a point, it wasn't a concern, there was no point in pursuing it. I brought that comment up in the email I sent him, because I really think this process is hard enough without the extra added attraction of trying to filter what you say so you don't get in trouble! I actually kind of thought that not doing that was part of the point. So, does he think I'd be best off continuing to see someone, but he's warning me to be careful who I pick because they might not be as tolerant of my particular brand of crazy??????

I'm probably over thinking this, huh?

 

[Jane.l]

Maybe - I don't think he wants you to quit - he probably feels a bit bad he's putting you in a difficult position - as much as sometimes this might be a sensible choice for him he might still have mixed feelings because these decisions are never easy or clear cut. Maybe he is warning you if you do end up working with some else - I guess they all have different ideas and procedure.

Hopefully it will be ok - maybe it was hard for him to tell you - he is human and these things sometimes cut both ways .

 

[Hope4Now]

I'm so sorry Scout. Sucks that he brought it up at the end of the session. Sucks even more that he decided to close his work in your town. Sucks even more that it has made you start thinking the way you're thinking. Argh.

I hope he can support and assist you as you figure out your next steps--either seeing him in the other town, or transitioning to a new person (which is a therapy topic all by itself). If it's the latter, it really is his responsibility to help you do that if you want to. It's so important not only to find a therapist who deeply understands trauma and has clear approaches for working with traumatized people, but also to find somebody you "click" with. The relationship is as important as the type of therapy. It seems as if he knows you fairly well--as you explore with him what to do next, could you ask who he would recommend? Who he knows that he thinks you might connect well with?

I don't know where you live, but driving all that way on a weekly basis is a huge financial and time commitment you may not want to take on if there are other viable possibilities.

Don't quit therapy. Really. Try not to give up on yourself and meeting your needs because your therapist is moving on. One of the weird things about ptsd is that parts of us can be quite effective in convincing us that we are/will be just "fine" when down underneath we really aren't...we really need the therapy to heal.

My heart is with you as you navigate this tough time.

 

[scout86]

@Hope4Now , I'll definitely see what he says about anyone else he might recommend. This is a fairly rural area, so the options are going to be limited. Still, there might be someone closer than he's going to be. I do a lot of driving for work, so the drive itself doesn't seem so bad. What would be more of an issue is that it would take a pretty big chunk out of the day that I would otherwise spend working.

He answers my emails kind of erratically. I hope he answers this one. If I have to spend a whole week fretting about it, I can't even imagine how the conversation would go next week!

 

[scout86]

No response to me email. Normally I either hear something right away or not at all. I sent an email awhile ago, going over some of what we talked about yesterday, reinforcing that I got it (I think). Then I pretty much told him what I thought he'd want to hear about all the major stuff he's brought up. Ended with "Mission accomplished?"

He may not want to discuss this by email, I don't know. I don't think I really want to discuss it at all. He caught me off guard, for sure. Probably not his intent, but it happened. I'm not mad at him about that, I'm mad at myself for letting it happen. If I hear back in the next day or so and there's something to discuss, fine, I guess. Otherwise, I think I'm going with "You can't fire me, I quit." I need to try to think about that, I guess. (Impulse control not being one of my better things.) But, I don't feel much like dragging this out. I pretty much want it to be over.

 

[Jane.l]

That's not a good situation to be in - just leaving you hanging is pretty unfair. I do sometimes want to get hold of these T's and say wtf are you doing? Not that they are bad people and often I am sure they don't mean to cause the problems they do .... But ... Really ?? I couldn't live with the anxiety of knowing someone was emotionally invested in my reply and not get back to them, when I was the cause of the problem - but that's me

Just remember all the things you told me - the horse is perfect as it is !! - you haven't 'let' anything happen - you are being a perfect client - he is the one who is not doing his job as well as he could.

I hope he gets back to you because you need a conclusion and which ever way it goes it's better if you are an active participant. In the mean time maybe set up plan B even if you don't use it - it's quite empowering to take charge. :hug:

 

[scout86]

@Jane.l , you're right, and he's definitely not a bad person. There could be any number of reasons to the lack of a reply. He's got ADHD himself and sometimes gets side tracked. He also sometimes THINKS about a reply and then doesn't realize he hasn't actually sent it. (I would find that hard to believe, but I do it myself.) I kind of doubt that the case this time. (I'm trying not to guess, because I'm not a good guesser.)

I don't know, I think I did kind of "let this happen". I trusted him and I trusted the situation was what I thought it was. That's just plain not a good idea and I knew better. It wouldn't have made as much difference, if I hadn't been going along thinking...... I don't know what I was thinking, that things would be ok, I guess. Not that they won't be ok anyway, they will. It's just kind of hard changing directions on such short notice.

Thanks!

 

[Jane.l]

Really really hard changing direction on short notice and really hard not knowing what's going on and what's going to happen.

'I trusted him and the situation' - you needed to do any work in therapy. You have to take that leap of faith and trust otherwise it's pointless. Would you tell me it was a mistake to trust my T ? And whatever happens now you have had a good experience with this T he was worth trusting. This part is a bit of a f'ing mess at the moment but maybe it will be ok. Do you have any more appointments booked with him? Are you going to go if you do ?

I know this hurts but you are right it will be ok .

 

[scout86]

We have an appointment for next week. The deal has always been "same day, same time," until I tell him different. Although that's not the way it's going to turn out.

I'm not sure if I'm going to go. I've always been kind of a "rip the bandaid off quick" kind of person. I don't see much point in dragging this out.

It seems kind of ironic, but a couple of weeks ago, he was talking about "what matters". If people matter, or if it matters to me that I do, etc. I had an email from him, in response to something, where he said (more or less) "What if you try time and again to be who you are and that is rejected or ignored over and over and over again? Then what?" Well, mostly it feels like "then what?" is my life. My childhood for sure. I read what he wrote and thought, "Wow, he really DOES get this!" (Yeah right! )

Deep down inside, I suspect that I'm reacting as much as I am because this feels like one more example of "you don't count, not really, no matter what I may have said to the contrary." It probably wouldn't bother me if it hadn't seemed like he DID get it. I'll get over it, I always do, but I don't particularly feel like talking to him about it. I don't see much point.