Enjoying Solitude

[Misul]

Hi everyone,

I've always been a lone wolf and don't like it when people think it's something that needs to be "fixed". Some people are just natural loners. Today I went to a group therapy session only because my therapist insisted that it was a great group. I really didn't like it in general and felt odd because I was the only one not interested in the conversation. I guess it just renewed my feelings of being so different from everyone else and how most people think everyone should be interested in social interaction. I'm fine with a one-on-one interaction with a friend now and then and I do okay with a partner.

Anyone else out there like solitude? I guess I"m looking for some affirmation that I'm not "broken".

Misul

 

[JustBe]

Yes! Me!! My therapist says it's normal for me and fine.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yes, I do!

I HATE how the term "introvert" (which I am) is seen as a negative thing. In reality it just means that I recharge by being alone whereas extroverts get their energy from social interaction.

I do fine in one-on-one interaction. I hate anything more than a few people. If its family, I can handle a gathering every once in awhile.

You're not broken AT ALL!

 

[JustBe]

An Awesome book...

 

[Resilientbibliophile]

...perhaps try this title, one that reads as though it were penned by an expert witness for the defense in relation to destigmatizing solitude. See:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0743280741/?tag=pf03-20

 

[Misul]

Thank you all for your replies. I"ll look into those books. One of the biggest myths is that quiet people are mean. No, I don't care to do small talk and don't care about people's day-to-day comings and goings. But I'm not mean. My brain is just thinking on deeper levels. I'm just different.

I think my depression yesterday came from trying to participate. When I try and force myself to talk I end up sounding unlike myself. And it bothers me. I often feel guilt if I don't force myself to participate because as a kid I always got in trouble for never doing anything in a group.

 

[NIKI]

I often feel guilt if I don't force myself to participate

Yes. I am a loner. Sometimes, I feel there must be something really wrong with me because my husband and my kids are all so out going and LOVE to be in big groups of people. But you know what...everyone is different. There's nothing wrong with me. I just like more quiet time. In fact, that is just something that I enjoy...quiet.

 

[WillyKat]

I'm a loner too. Sometimes the only time I feel safe is when I'm alone. Yet I feel lonely.

I often go on solo wilderness trips for a week at a time. That kind of solitude is a lot different from being in your own room or apartment and not having to interact with others. In the latter case, you know others are nearby and if you ever felt up to it, you could go out and be with people. In the wilderness, you might be miles from the nearest outhouse...it's a totally level of loneliness.

But...I wish that I could feel comfortable at gatherings, parties, meetings, and so on. I wish I felt like a fit in somewhere. So for me its about conflicting needs: solitude vs. integration.

I have not talked a lot about this with my therapist. We have talked some about the fantasy I have of having a cabin in the wilderness where I live alone.

 

[Misul]

WillyKat,

Do you have Avoidant Personality Disorder? That's what I have and I love solitude though I feel lonely. And I also have a fantasy life where I can just be myself. Lately, I've been wanting to go on a trip like you described, but I have agoraphobia and am too scared to do it alone. Going with someone else defeats the purpose. One day, I'm going to just do it.

 

[WillyKat]

Misul,

No, I don't think I have Avoidant Personality Disorder.

I would not advise you to just go do it. I only did it alone after many years of doing it with others. I've also had both classroom and field survival training. Even with that, the first time alone was unnerving. It took me a few trips to get used to it. It's a world of difference from being in your room alone.

If you want to try it, get some wilderness survival training. Sometimes colleges offer it. Or check with local outdoor gear stores. For your first trip, don't go too far out in the sticks.

Now with all the caveats aside, I've met many solo backpackers out there in the wild, both male and female. That reminds me, there's a book called "Solo" I think. I have not read it myself.

 

[Misul]

Oh, your wilderness trips are much more intense than I imagined! No, I don't think I could participate in something like that alone, especially because of my health. Best for me to just take a sleeping roll out for a night and then come back. lol :)

 

[WillyKat]

Misul,

That's a good place to start. I'm usually several miles from the nearest road and probably 25 mi. from the nearest phone. The past few years I've even gone out with very minimal gear: no tent, no sleeping bag, very little food. On my last trip, I had a pack with less in it than a college student has for a day. I only took two meals with me and fasted for a whole day.

You could call it intense, but I know people that do crazier things, like go out with nothing but the clothes on their back and maybe a knife. I'm working up to to that point.