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Everyday is a burden

Punky143

MyPTSD Pro
I know I have several things to be grateful for: overall health, healthy good kid, animals that I believe love me. But every morning when I wake up the day already feels like a burden. I cry getting ready for work, I cry traveling to work, I cry at work and then come home and continue. I try and do things that used to make me happy but they no longer do. I'm tired, tired of making sure everyone else is happy, entertained and always having my whereabouts known. I used to enjoy doing things on my own but I allow my husband to kling onto me because if I don't then he takes it personally and treats me differently. At what point did I allow him to be so dependent on me for everything while ignoring myself. I feel like I'm too far down that road that there's no coming back. I see other married couples do stuff together but also do stuff independently without judgement. I'm miserable, lonely, feel like I've lost my extended family for other reasons and just don't want to be in this hostile, argumentative world anymore. But I keep waking up everyday. I don't belong in this world, very misunderstood.
 
I know I have several things to be grateful for: overall health, healthy good kid, animals that I believe love me. But every morning when I wake up the day already feels like a burden. I cry getting ready for work, I cry traveling to work, I cry at work and then come home and continue. I try and do things that used to make me happy but they no longer do. I'm tired, tired of making sure everyone else is happy, entertained and always having my whereabouts known. I used to enjoy doing things on my own but I allow my husband to kling onto me because if I don't then he takes it personally and treats me differently. At what point did I allow him to be so dependent on me for everything while ignoring myself. I feel like I'm too far down that road that there's no coming back. I see other married couples do stuff together but also do stuff independently without judgement. I'm miserable, lonely, feel like I've lost my extended family for other reasons and just don't want to be in this hostile, argumentative world anymore. But I keep waking up everyday. I don't belong in this world, very misunderstood.
Do seek treatment for your depression! And if you have gotten some seek another. Different things work for Different people. Don't belive your own thoughts too much when you're in the depression = it distorts our thinking and we start believing lies.

It's a lie that you don't belong in this world and that's it hopeless. That's thoughts of a depressed brain. Stay safe and get help! You're not a mistake and you're needed. And loved.
 
Do seek treatment for your depression! And if you have gotten some seek another. Different things work for Different people. Don't belive your own thoughts too much when you're in the depression = it distorts our thinking and we start believing lies.

It's a lie that you don't belong in this world and that's it hopeless. That's thoughts of a depressed brain. Stay safe and get help! You're not a mistake and you're needed. And loved.
Thank you so much. Maybe one day I can help others who just want to know someone is out there even if we don't know each other
 
could you be in the early stages of the empty nest syndrome? in my own herstory, it started niggling at me as the children grew more independent, years before the nest actually emptied. in my own case, the feeling that all i do is take care of other people is a clear and loud signal that i am overdue for some self care. weekend retreats helped me tremendously during the early stages of my own empty nest syndrome.

have you asked hubby the independence thing? after all the years of pulling as a team to make family life possible, it is entirely possible he is wondering similarwise.
 
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