Would you feel better if you maybe wrote her a letter explaining how it made you feel when she startled you, and to ask her to have a bit more consideration next time and sensitivity? She's being self-absorbed and only thinking of herself...she may need a swift brush with reality to see that other people have feelings too. If you don't show her that you do, and that your feelings matter as well, then she will be none the wiser. The real test is whether she acknowledges that you do, and gives a shit.
I didn't even get that men HAD feelings until I was 19...seriously. I had no comprehension of how societal conditioning affects mens ability to connect with their emotions and express them...so I assumed they were feelingless robots who were insensitive to my feelings.
