chaotic harmony
Bronze Member
Hi everyone. I'm in a bad situation and I'm not sure what to do. (I'm sorry this will be long, TIA for your patience!)
I've been with my current T for 5 months, I really like him and he has helped me more in this short time than all my previous therapy hours combined. He's wonderful. The problem is my ex-t, the one I had right before him. She's a tad (definite understatement)...unhinged. I started seeing her on July 15 of last year and within the first month she decided that she wanted to be my friend as well as my therapist. She knew she was crossing boundaries, she told me many times, but she said that I would be her BFF if we had met under different circumstances so she was willing to cross that boundary. I agreed for two reasons: I don't have ANY friends and I thought she knew what she was doing and could keep therapy and "real life" separate. I quickly found out that that was not true. My sessions became about her problems when she wasn't trying to convince me to give up my entire life and just disappear. She would often sob uncontrollably through the entire session (I have a big problem with people crying like that in front of me as I cannot cry myself.) and throw herself on the floor in a temper tantrum style. It was SO uncomfortable for me. I never said anything though because I was (am) too afraid to stand up for myself. During the 7 months I was with her she emotionally abused me by taking out all of her anger/frustrations out on me. Examples: texting me for 10 hours straight telling me that I am a horrible friend/person because I was focused on myself more than I was focused on her (at that time I was just put into the hospital because of MRSA). She also called me screaming (literally) at least twice a week because I didn't text her throughout the day to see how she was doing. She got mad because I would only go to see her twice a week...I was self pay at the time because she didn't take insurance. I was already paying her $160 a week for the two days and I just thought I couldn't handle going more than twice as my sessions were already 2 hours a piece. Yes, $160 is cheap for 4 hours but she isn't licensed yet so she can't charge much more than that. She also charged me for outings that were supposed to be as friends. If I talked at all about my abuse that put her on the clock. She was also late for EVERY session by more than 30 minutes. She was a terrible time keeper and asked me all the time to keep track of it for her. Like...wtf? The kicker is when I was so suicidal one time she told me that she wanted to come to my house and commit suicide with me! She wanted us to go together so we would be friends forever. That scared the f*ck out of me and I tried ending our relationships. She would cry her eyes out, make me feel guilty about abandoning her and taking food out of her kids' mouth by not paying her anymore. Eventually I did break all ties (obviously, I have a great T now!) but she won't leave me alone.
I have reported her to the licensing board in our state but as she is not officially licensed the investigator said they couldn't do much in the way of discipline. They did say that all of this is on official record and when she can finally apply for her license she could be turned down.
She has been emailing me a lot lately even though the investigator told her not to, and she still drives by my house sometimes and sits in her car under my bedroom windows (I'm on the second floor of my house.). I have cameras on my front door so she never comes to my door but it still creeps me out. :cautious: Anyway...she knows the 4th of July is a terrible day for me so she emailed me and said "I bet your day isn't going well. You're really going to miss me when it's over and you have no one to turn to. I know, I know you're seeing a male therapist now, but I bet he won't care enough to check in with you tomorrow. You may like him but he's not female with our female sensitivity. You're going to want to come back, I might let you, if you stop this investigation." [sic] I was so disgusted when I read that on the 5th and didn't reply to her until late that night. I was defending my T and said that I knew he wasn't going to check in because he never indicated that he did that. I also told her that I didn't miss her, that I couldn't stop the investigation even if I wanted to, and I reminded her that she wasn't supposed to be emailing me. She answered back with an email that was almost a novel explaining to me what I was doing wrong and what my T was doing wrong even though she has no idea what he is/isn't doing. She's been pushing me to give her his name but I won't. My T is actually in the same building as her T. I know this because she took me to therapy WITH HER when I was her client. So...in this email she was telling me that I was on this journey alone, that he wasn't doing anything but facilitating my process and then she accused me of not telling him just how bad my trauma is. Then she asked a bunch of questions like "does he know this?", "does he know that?" and then said if he did know "this" and "that" he would refer me out to another female. She also accused him of being neglectful because he didn't see me " as much as he should" because trauma work takes more than 45 minutes a week.
I replied again (yeah, I'm a dumbass and fell into her trap :confused:) and told her that it was none of her business but yes, he knew everything she asked about and more. I also told her that I did see him more than 45 minutes a week, that I saw him twice a week, and I didn't think he was neglectful at all. I told her to stop trying to poison my mind against him.
She wrote back again, another novel. She told me that he was going to refer me back out when he started to realize my level of trauma (literally a lifetime) and when he decided that he wouldn't "teach" me safe touch. She said no young male T would teach a woman his own age safe touch. She also went on and on again about him not spending enough time with me. I replied to this only with proof that male Ts have taught female clients safe touch. Her reply was more of the same and telling me to stop the investigation.
(THANK YOU if you've made it this far!) I didn't reply back as I told her that I was not going to engage with her anymore. Then she emailed me on Friday the 7th "screaming" (all caps) that she lost her job because of me, that she f*cking hates me, this is all my fault, and she hopes the guilt from this will ruin my life. I honestly don't know if she is lying and just trying to hurt me because I won't reply to her emails. I did look her up on PsychologyToday and her profile is definitely gone, but I don't know if that's because she couldn't afford it anymore or she really did lose her job.
Now onto my dilemma. Do I show these emails to my current T and ask him about everything she said? He knows everything about what she is doing and what she has done. I am concerned that some of the things she said are true. Now, he knows a lot more about my traumas than she does and he hasn't referred me out...yet. I've never asked him about safe touch as I have only been working with him for 5 months, the thought of it scares the hell out of me and I never knew it was that important. (Although both my previous Ts brought it up with me as did the social workers and psychiatrists on the inpatient floors.) I'm also concerned about the time issue. Should I be going more than 50 minutes twice a week? My first T had me there 4-5 days a week at 90 minutes per session and sometimes Saturday for over 4 hours and my second had me going for 2 hours twice a week. She told me that 50 minutes is nowhere near enough time to talk then "cool down", process and be grounded before I left his office. I don't know if I should just let this go and chalk it up to her trying to ruin this for me or bring it up and possibly get answers that I'm not prepared for.
The End. (I can hear everyone clapping lol :D)
I've been with my current T for 5 months, I really like him and he has helped me more in this short time than all my previous therapy hours combined. He's wonderful. The problem is my ex-t, the one I had right before him. She's a tad (definite understatement)...unhinged. I started seeing her on July 15 of last year and within the first month she decided that she wanted to be my friend as well as my therapist. She knew she was crossing boundaries, she told me many times, but she said that I would be her BFF if we had met under different circumstances so she was willing to cross that boundary. I agreed for two reasons: I don't have ANY friends and I thought she knew what she was doing and could keep therapy and "real life" separate. I quickly found out that that was not true. My sessions became about her problems when she wasn't trying to convince me to give up my entire life and just disappear. She would often sob uncontrollably through the entire session (I have a big problem with people crying like that in front of me as I cannot cry myself.) and throw herself on the floor in a temper tantrum style. It was SO uncomfortable for me. I never said anything though because I was (am) too afraid to stand up for myself. During the 7 months I was with her she emotionally abused me by taking out all of her anger/frustrations out on me. Examples: texting me for 10 hours straight telling me that I am a horrible friend/person because I was focused on myself more than I was focused on her (at that time I was just put into the hospital because of MRSA). She also called me screaming (literally) at least twice a week because I didn't text her throughout the day to see how she was doing. She got mad because I would only go to see her twice a week...I was self pay at the time because she didn't take insurance. I was already paying her $160 a week for the two days and I just thought I couldn't handle going more than twice as my sessions were already 2 hours a piece. Yes, $160 is cheap for 4 hours but she isn't licensed yet so she can't charge much more than that. She also charged me for outings that were supposed to be as friends. If I talked at all about my abuse that put her on the clock. She was also late for EVERY session by more than 30 minutes. She was a terrible time keeper and asked me all the time to keep track of it for her. Like...wtf? The kicker is when I was so suicidal one time she told me that she wanted to come to my house and commit suicide with me! She wanted us to go together so we would be friends forever. That scared the f*ck out of me and I tried ending our relationships. She would cry her eyes out, make me feel guilty about abandoning her and taking food out of her kids' mouth by not paying her anymore. Eventually I did break all ties (obviously, I have a great T now!) but she won't leave me alone.
I have reported her to the licensing board in our state but as she is not officially licensed the investigator said they couldn't do much in the way of discipline. They did say that all of this is on official record and when she can finally apply for her license she could be turned down.
She has been emailing me a lot lately even though the investigator told her not to, and she still drives by my house sometimes and sits in her car under my bedroom windows (I'm on the second floor of my house.). I have cameras on my front door so she never comes to my door but it still creeps me out. :cautious: Anyway...she knows the 4th of July is a terrible day for me so she emailed me and said "I bet your day isn't going well. You're really going to miss me when it's over and you have no one to turn to. I know, I know you're seeing a male therapist now, but I bet he won't care enough to check in with you tomorrow. You may like him but he's not female with our female sensitivity. You're going to want to come back, I might let you, if you stop this investigation." [sic] I was so disgusted when I read that on the 5th and didn't reply to her until late that night. I was defending my T and said that I knew he wasn't going to check in because he never indicated that he did that. I also told her that I didn't miss her, that I couldn't stop the investigation even if I wanted to, and I reminded her that she wasn't supposed to be emailing me. She answered back with an email that was almost a novel explaining to me what I was doing wrong and what my T was doing wrong even though she has no idea what he is/isn't doing. She's been pushing me to give her his name but I won't. My T is actually in the same building as her T. I know this because she took me to therapy WITH HER when I was her client. So...in this email she was telling me that I was on this journey alone, that he wasn't doing anything but facilitating my process and then she accused me of not telling him just how bad my trauma is. Then she asked a bunch of questions like "does he know this?", "does he know that?" and then said if he did know "this" and "that" he would refer me out to another female. She also accused him of being neglectful because he didn't see me " as much as he should" because trauma work takes more than 45 minutes a week.
I replied again (yeah, I'm a dumbass and fell into her trap :confused:) and told her that it was none of her business but yes, he knew everything she asked about and more. I also told her that I did see him more than 45 minutes a week, that I saw him twice a week, and I didn't think he was neglectful at all. I told her to stop trying to poison my mind against him.
She wrote back again, another novel. She told me that he was going to refer me back out when he started to realize my level of trauma (literally a lifetime) and when he decided that he wouldn't "teach" me safe touch. She said no young male T would teach a woman his own age safe touch. She also went on and on again about him not spending enough time with me. I replied to this only with proof that male Ts have taught female clients safe touch. Her reply was more of the same and telling me to stop the investigation.
(THANK YOU if you've made it this far!) I didn't reply back as I told her that I was not going to engage with her anymore. Then she emailed me on Friday the 7th "screaming" (all caps) that she lost her job because of me, that she f*cking hates me, this is all my fault, and she hopes the guilt from this will ruin my life. I honestly don't know if she is lying and just trying to hurt me because I won't reply to her emails. I did look her up on PsychologyToday and her profile is definitely gone, but I don't know if that's because she couldn't afford it anymore or she really did lose her job.
Now onto my dilemma. Do I show these emails to my current T and ask him about everything she said? He knows everything about what she is doing and what she has done. I am concerned that some of the things she said are true. Now, he knows a lot more about my traumas than she does and he hasn't referred me out...yet. I've never asked him about safe touch as I have only been working with him for 5 months, the thought of it scares the hell out of me and I never knew it was that important. (Although both my previous Ts brought it up with me as did the social workers and psychiatrists on the inpatient floors.) I'm also concerned about the time issue. Should I be going more than 50 minutes twice a week? My first T had me there 4-5 days a week at 90 minutes per session and sometimes Saturday for over 4 hours and my second had me going for 2 hours twice a week. She told me that 50 minutes is nowhere near enough time to talk then "cool down", process and be grounded before I left his office. I don't know if I should just let this go and chalk it up to her trying to ruin this for me or bring it up and possibly get answers that I'm not prepared for.
The End. (I can hear everyone clapping lol :D)
