Ex-t emailing me distressing things...do i tell current t?

[Quakegirl]

I am sorry you are going through this. I had a really entangled bad T relationship a number of years ago. She wasn't unhinged (yours 100% sounds like she is in need of some serious help), but she got a bit messy.

My current T and I talk about it all the time - I, too, was caught up in trying to meet with her supervisor and do all sorts of things to get reassurances that she would get help and not do it to somebody else.

Current T says it was not my job, and what I went through even in that part of the process (which was really all about trying to protect her and her reputation), was like a repeat of my childhood abuse & trying to protect the adults around me.

He (kindly - and without blame. I'm paraphrasing here ( says I should have just handed her over to her licensing board (which, bizarrely, she went on to head a couple of years later) for them to deal with her so I could get on with putting my energy where it needed to be - on myself and MY healing, I think it is good advice, and I wish I had my time over, because it is absolutely what I would do if I had it over again.

In your case, this T actually sounds dangerous. You need to remove yourself from the picture and put her in the hands of the people whose job it is to handle her. The lack of focus you have right now on you and your needs is not good.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

specifically (EMDR or like modality), it's generally better to work through as much as you can, and to keep going. So one session can work, sure, but it's going to take much much longer. I prefer the 2 a week structure (and am lucky I can do that) because it helps with getting through the material AND getting support in-between those sessions on life stressors (which become harder to manage)

Yep, I agree with @joeylittle longer sessions and more frequently are better for processing trauma.

Of course the longer the better and more freq the better. I did not say otherwise. What I quoted that the "crazy therapist" said (and how I took what she said) was that it was not possible to do trauma work in 45 mins a week and that is not correct. It may take longer but it is possible. Im doing just that. I also stated I have been doing so for 8 yrs so I suppose you can also draw a conclusion that it takes longer.

 

[chaotic harmony]

I find it odd that you have a bleeding heart complex on one hand but on the other you're saying her other clients better figure it out on their own.

Does not compute.

Where did I say "they better figure it out on their own"? What I actually said is:

I just hope they can see her for what she is a lot sooner than I did. :confused:

That is not nearly the same as "they better figure it out on their own." It means that I cannot contact them as it could lead to a potential lawsuit so I hope they can see her for what she is. Did I not express that or are you assuming what I mean? I'm not asking to be mean, I'm asking because sometimes I don't communicate clearly.

 

[chaotic harmony]

"Do not seek to contact me by any means, do not try and approach me in person, do not keep watch outside my home, or violate my privacy in any other way. Our professional relationship has been terminated, and I will not engage further in a personal relationship with you. This is the last communication you will have from me."

Thank you. I've emailed the investigator about this and I will ask my T about it today. I want to make sure everyone is on the same page before I actually go forward. I think everyone is absolutely correct when they say that the investigator has all that she needs.

and put some of those cameras at your bedroom window pointing at the street below.

Unfortunately they are actually at my front door and are hard wired in so I can't move them. She knows they are at the front door that's why she sits underneath my bedroom windows. The pictures I took of her/her car were with my phone.

I'm not sure the advice you got on what it takes to merit a restraining order is accurate.

Unfortunately it is for my county. They won't provide an order of protection unless there has been physical violence or multiple threats. The system is just lacking. I'm not sure if this is the same all over, or if it's just in my state.

I'm assuming they are adults and responsible for assessing the suitability of their own care provider.

Not all of them and that's why I feel as bad as I do. There are multiple children that she told me about. She asked me to get them gifts for Christmas because their mother couldn't afford much. She also asked me to get them some food because they are always hungry when they come see her.

What I quoted that the "crazy therapist" said (and how I took what she said) was that it was not possible to do trauma work in 45 mins a week and that is not correct

You took it exactly right. That is what she said. In her emails she said "It's literally impossible." but I honestly think she said that because she wants me to come back to her (she said this many times) and pay her a ton of money each week. I know ideally that longer sessions are better, they do make it easier for me to say things because I'm not as afraid of time being up so quickly, but right now I'm just 50 minutes twice a week.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

In her emails she said "It's literally impossible." but I honestly think she said that because she wants me to come back to her (she said this many times) and pay her a ton of money each week.

That is exactly why she said it and it is NOT impossible. Yes, many times I feel 45 mins isn't long enough to cover everything I need to but its about money. My therapist only does 45 mins a session. He doesn't do longer ones. Back to back patients. I could go twice a week but, again, more money. He said I needed at least once a week and thats what I do, 45 mins once a week, and have for 8 yrs and we have done a ton (a HUGE amount) of trauma work in that time so it is not impossible.

 

[GWhizz]

Whoa... I am lost for words.

I can't add much more. Only that I'm truly sorry that you sought help but instead are being abused by this woman. I don't like to draw comparisons but I guess I can count myself lucky despite all the complaining I've done about prior T's!

I hope that your current T can guide and support you to safely navigate this. I'm really glad that you've been able to post on here and weigh things up a bit more as you so sensibly are doing. Rooting for you

 

[chaotic harmony]

I didn't get to ask him about any of this today or give him copies of the emails. He was very focused on another particular subject. I thought "It's ok...I'll bring it up on Friday." Then he tells me that he doesn't have any openings for the next TWO Fridays. This really upset me. He knows this time of year is terrible for me and we have been in 2x a week for awhile. I know it's just my stupid brain, but now I'm feeling just pushed aside and not worthy of his time. (And this is triggering because my ex-T mentioned in her emails that this would happen.) This just reiterates my feelings of being unimportant. Ugh.

 

[Muttly]

I think I saw a discussion of emailing your current T? I may be wrong. Can you send current T an email with information about what's going on and also mention how you feel about him not being available this Friday?

Your needs and feelings are important.
You matter
Your old T is off her rocker and what is happening does not mean she was correct in her assessment of this T or anything else.
You matter

 

[chaotic harmony]

I think I saw a discussion of emailing your current T? I may be wrong. Can you send current T an email with information about what's going on and also mention how you feel about him not being available this Friday?

Your needs and feelings are important.
You matter
Your old T is off her rocker and what is happening does not mean she was correct in her assessment of this T or anything else.
You matter

Thank you. I'm just feeling very let down and hurt right now. He has said I can email anytime but I don't. I feel like my issues aren't important and this seems to prove that. I did leave him a voicemail and ask for a referral for the other day per week since he has given my spot two weeks in a row to someone important. I wasn't angry, so hopefully he can find someone for me who can make/keep a commitment.

 

[Muttly]

ok, has your current T made a habit of cancelling appointments? Did you have a clear agreement that those fridays were your time slot?

 

[chaotic harmony]

Yes, we had a clear agreement. He's never cancelled on me, but I guess he isn't technically doing that now....he's just replaced me. He called and said he doesn't want me working with someone else for my second day and that he would look at his schedule and rebook my Fridays but not for two weeks. He's given those times away. He was so nonchalant about it, like it didn't matter that I was clearly upset. He said to call or email if I need him but screw it. He doesn't care that I just had a major thing happen, and I needed my 2x a week. I'm just frustrated and feel rejected and insignificant.

 

[scout86]

I feel like my issues aren't important and this seems to prove that. I did leave him a voicemail and ask for a referral for the other day per week since he has given my spot two weeks in a row to someone important.

There are some really good threads here on cognitive distortions. (Because that's probably a cognitive distortion.) My T has asked to change the schedule a few times, not many. The first time it happened, it bothered me. Turned out it was an emergency. (Like a 'he had to find somewhere to hospitalize someone' emergency.) Other times, it's been that someone else's schedule was more complicated than mine, etc.It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with one person being more important than another. Unless you ask, you won't know for sure.

. If your T had known what all was going on in your world right now, he may have handled things differently, but you kind of have to give him the information.... (Not to be critical, because this is something I tend to do too. It's just a bit of a roadblock sometimes.) I'd email him, since it's ok with him. My T encourages that too. It's been helpful. Some things are easier to bring up in email, sometimes I don't find the words I needed until after I leave the office. Writing seems to make thinking through things easier too