Explaining Your Ptsd To Others

[Zef]

My moral/ethical system right now can be summed up pretty easily. In whatever small ways I can, leave this world a little bit better than I found it.

So, I use a lot of mental energy when I am feeling healthier trying to come up with ways to explain to non-sufferers what my particular experience with PTSD is like. . .because I think that will make the world a better place in some small way.

I have not had a lot of success doing that, because it seems to be such a difficult thing to do.

I am hoping that maybe we can share with our fellow forum-ites PTSD descriptions that have worked for you. . .or even kinda worked. :)

I'll start.

One explanation that did work for me, but may be semi-unique to my situation. . .I work with a few people who are sports enthusiasts. People who have played both racquetball and tennis know it's almost impossible to do both because the way you need to hit the ball is so completely different in each sport.

So,
I was trying to explain what it was like to be working through PTSD issues. I explained it this way. . .It's like I have been playing racquetball for the last 40 years and now, I have to give up racquetball and learn to play tennis. The difference is that instead of having to completely retrain my wrist, arm and body, I have to retrain how my fight/flight response interacts with the rest of my brain.

He really seemed to get that analogy.

 

[Spiderallis]

I've explained dissociation and triggers as falling out of a time machine into a field of land mines. Seemed like friends understood when I said that I just realized the armor is not my skin.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am looking forward to the responses to this thread. I quit trying to explain it to people. I used to tell people there was something wrong with me. That did not go over to good.

 

[maddog]

Excellent and very practical topic. And I like the idea of trying to customise the explanation to the audience and to use terms and concepts they can relate to - I think that not only makes it more likely people will get it, but also shows people you're really trying to see it from their perspective too.

And on that note, I've found that trying to identify with the feelings or experiences of others in the course of explaining can really break the ice and aid interaction. Something like "I know that you must have noticed I'm struggling with things lately, and it must be confusing for you..." etc. Good old empathy always hits the spot.

I've had some luck with the very generic "I'm dealing with some difficult things in my life right now, so I'm not as focused/productive/able to join in with activities as I used to be (obviously using whatever the issue is).

Also "I am dealing with some traumatic issues from my past" gives a little more context without any detail, and sometimes can inform yet slightly scare people just enough to ensure that they don't feel the need to keep prying, yet have some understanding of what the mysterious "issues" are.

I work for the police, so people actually do understand what PTSD is and some of how it occurs. The complex variety is a little more unknown, but explaining that in some cases PTSD can be in relation to events which happened a long time ago can suffice as further explanation.

Really good discussion.

Maddog

 

[TLight]

I've given up explaining or even telling. What for? You usually get absolutely no empathy or support, only judgement and condemnation based on ignorance.

My husband has experienced it for almost 4 years, so he knows it is utter and complete horrible suffering, but still doesn't understand how horrible the dissociation can be, the hypervigilance, the revictimization, etc. He is there for the flashbacks, depression and suicidal stuff........so he knows it is bad and he has empathy and some understanding.
Other people........I say forget it. We have so little energy anyway, why waste it on others who can't possibly ever comprehend.

 

[Loner]

I don't think anyone will ever understand.

Even if I find someone else with ptsd, or even complex ptsd, most of my issues arise not from what I have been through, but from the fact that I was so overcome with fear from the very start of my life, and through key developmental stages, that I never learned basic social skills, micro facial expressions, or just how to connect with people in general.

No one is ever going to understand that. I think instead I'd like to find people that accept me for who I am without needing to understand every detail. I certainly don't need to understand every detail about other people. I used to feel like I did in order to trust them, but that's just paranoia and anxiety, instead I'd like to find people I feel I can trust because of who they are, not because I know every detail of how they work.

 

[Tinyflame]

I have to agree with TLight. Though I really don't care if I'm understood or people know how it feels, I realize now to say anything is just too much for anyone else. It will just be viewed as ('more') negative. No one's fault, but the real truth is that in general, or in the not-understanding, others will just view it (and in my case, myself) negatively.

Funny, because I was always aware of stigmatization, along with my own trust issues, thinking that that was why I didn't tell anyone. But more accurately, if you do, I think you can then 'know' most will think more negatively of you. Not here, on the forum- that is like people talking about the water temperature while they're all swimming in the same pool. But I'd hate to hear the innermost-thoughts, or conversation in a room after I've left, about it, or about (myself). No one's fault as I said, but can't ignore the truth in one's heart of hearts, and the truth is, it will be just (another?) negative. It's not realistic to think it will be any other way.

That being said however, this thread is not about whether saying anything is recommended or not, just how to do it. And if it works for you Zef and others, by all means do what you feel is best.
(((((Zef))))

 

[Zef]

Loner and Junebug,
I understand your viewpoints very well. But wouldn't it be nice to be able to describe, in some way, what you are going through to the people who you care about?

There is a long thread of silly, hurtful things that people say to us. . .usually out of ignorance. If someone can contribute something here that allows us to make them stop or educate them, I think it would be a great thing.

 

[Bubba]

I don't really have an answer as to what works and what doesn't. But if I think hard, I think I would explain it as a living nightmare. You never know what's going to around the next corner and what is going to scare you. Imagine living in one of those horror movies. You are the person entering a scary situation, but you don't know that it's scary and then all of sudden you are trapped in this horrible state - scared out of your mind and you just can't find a way out.

 

[TLight]

That's a great description Bubba.......Right on accurate.

but, alas, a non-understanding heart would negate the experience no matter how hard we tried to tell them it is pretty much beyond our control.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes Zef I think it's admirable. Maybe the people around you, that's just what they need to hear.

Personally, I think (being that we live in the 21st century, the 'Information Age'), if someone wanted to get educated about ptsd, they would. As with all things- if you want to, you try to do it, if you don't, then you don't.

What I mean is, like look at the post above, it feels like a horror movie. That is true, could suspect that 1000 of us would hit the 'like' ('I relate' button) on that one.
Now, imagine you don't have ptsd.. do you really want to 'know' more? Does your opinion of another change, if they told you that, and in what way?
I dare say highly unlikely in an overall positive way. One can give some credit to an individual for battling it, perhaps, but they might also feel it pretty much makes them cringe.

Like they even say, people have to leave small towns to succeed, due to others' conceptions/ misconceptions of them. A little knowledge is dangerous, negative knowledge I think rarely has much but a negative effect. JMHExperience.

 

[Taven Carlsen]

One explanation that did work for me, but may be semi-unique to my situation. . .I work with a few people who are sports enthusiasts. People who have played both racquetball and tennis know it's almost impossible to do both because the way you need to hit the ball is so completely different in each sport.

That's a pretty good way to say it.