Sexual Assault Exposing Painful Truths in a Long-Term Relationship

[LucyLou]

Relationship but fits here, too.

Hi, I've been with my other half for 10 years and we have 3 children together (they're 6, 7 and 8 years)
I don't really know if I'm going to word this well but I'm finding the relationship difficult....See what he doesn't know is that I've been in therapy for the last 2.5 years for childhood s****l ab**e and r*pe. There are reasons to why he doesn't know any of this, mostly down to the fact that he has contributed to some of the trauma - he r*ped me 3 times and has had s*x****y coercive behaviours in the past....but I'm not sure he'd see it that way. My sex drive is non existent and I'm purely going along with it to please him (which I know I shouldn't, but I feel bad) My other issue is that when he hurts me during sex (unintentional, I know he doesn't mean to) I can't say anything to him and I don't know why I can't. I don't want to associate sex with pain, more so than I already do but I don't know how to bring it up with him. I've wrote about him before. I know I have. Its just a difficult situation

 

[Movingforward10]

I remember what you have said before. About how he doesn't listen to you saying no and has raped you.

A relationship where someone has abused you is the definition of difficult.

What would you like from this relationship?
Leaving it?
Staying in it?

 

[LucyLou]

I don't know how to answer that. I think if it wasn't for the children, we probably wouldn't of even been together this long.

 

[LucyLou]

I don't know. I do love him. It's just, I don't know

 

[Movingforward10]

I learnt that sometimes love (that I have for someone) isn't enough to sustain a relationship.

Maybe, what do you need to be different?
What would make the relationship easier?

 

[Rose White]

It’s hard if you’ve never experienced real love—both my parents came from abusive families so I wasn’t raised with real love. There was caring to the best of their abilities but I don’t know what love is where people care about the other person as they would care for themselves. I only know codependency where I give and the other person takes because that’s what was modeled for me and that’s what I thought love was.