Candleflames
Platinum Member
I'm starting exposure therapy too and it is incredibly difficult. I'd like to not have to do this. It'd be nice if I could just get over it. Sometimes I think that's really all I need to do because I have a hard time accepting that my experiences actually count as trauma. I too have read other peoples stories and can see the pain of it but not when I look at my own. My T once asked me "why do you think you invalidate your own experiences?" I didn't really have an answer for him at the time. Now though it because it's mine. Because I didn't know any different. Because I was so young and my pain was caused by my parents. I knew that them beating me was wrongish but I didn't know it wasn't normal.
Zef's right to point out that we shouldn't compare stories. There will always be someone who has had a tougher road. They are probably thinking the same things about their path that we think about ours.
Doing the exposure therapy is helping me to see my story for what is was. See all the wrongness of it and to lay the blame where it belongs. I'll often feel sick before the appointment. I have to be aware of the slightest sign that I'm dissociating during the appointment and make sure I am using my newer coping skills after. I'm learning to find the right agitation zone to hit during my ET days. We should have some uncomfortable feelings but now so much that we shut down. It took me a few weeks to even start to figure out where that zone is. I still don't have it down either, just a better idea. I'm still working on understanding how to work this kind of therapy too.
This is hard but it does work for the majority of people. Give your self some time to figure out where your agitation zone is. A little is good. None or a lot is bad. And come here for support. This is good place to be to find people who have been through this and can give you support.
We've been through the worst of it (the actual trauma), now we need to process it and that isn't going to hurt us again.
Zef's right to point out that we shouldn't compare stories. There will always be someone who has had a tougher road. They are probably thinking the same things about their path that we think about ours.
Doing the exposure therapy is helping me to see my story for what is was. See all the wrongness of it and to lay the blame where it belongs. I'll often feel sick before the appointment. I have to be aware of the slightest sign that I'm dissociating during the appointment and make sure I am using my newer coping skills after. I'm learning to find the right agitation zone to hit during my ET days. We should have some uncomfortable feelings but now so much that we shut down. It took me a few weeks to even start to figure out where that zone is. I still don't have it down either, just a better idea. I'm still working on understanding how to work this kind of therapy too.
This is hard but it does work for the majority of people. Give your self some time to figure out where your agitation zone is. A little is good. None or a lot is bad. And come here for support. This is good place to be to find people who have been through this and can give you support.
We've been through the worst of it (the actual trauma), now we need to process it and that isn't going to hurt us again.
