Exposure Therapy

[EverOnly358]

Hey there, LCB!

I was thinking of you today, I remembered you had an appointment on Thursdays for couple therapy? Did you have one yesterday as well? I've been sending out good, good thoughts that everything goes well for you with therapy.

My appointment with Therapist #2 is tomorrow... the guy that comes highly recommended, but like, can't figure out how to manage appointment scheduling. So it took a little bit but it's finally happening. ;D I've totally flipped. Once I decide something, everybody better watch out, because I become DETERMINED. So, I'm determined to keep trying the therapy thing and to have positive thoughts about it. This thread has really meant so much to be, because I need the encouragement.

Hang in there, I think we're doing pretty good, huh?

D

P.S. I'm sure I'm be here tomorrow night venting and ranting. Make popcorn, bring M&Ms. Enjoy the show! ;D

 

[EverOnly358]

LCB,

Best of luck tomorrow night! Good, good luck!

D

 

[lcb]

I will be thinking of you tomorrow! We will have to report back after we make it through our appointments.

Your right. I actually got Tuesday night off. He said we did a lot with the exposure therapy and he felt it worked. So wanted it all to sink in.

Tomorrow night should be interesting. You just never know what's going to happen in couples therapy. I try and go in and just see what happens. But last week was kind of crazy. So hopefully it will be calmer and not awkward after we leave. I was glad we drove separate last week. I may try and do that again. This way I can maybe get some frozen yogurt again and lots of chocolate before!!

 

[lcb]

Thinking of you today! I worked out, ate chocolate and now going for massage. Lol

I go in two and half hours..

 

[EverOnly358]

LCB,

LOL! It's so good how you're taking care of yourself and everything! I'm so proud of you, truly! I hope tonight goes okay. I'm rooting for you.

I did not have the best appointment. It was sorta a complete waste of time. He didn't listen to me. He really didn't listen. God, at least I talked this time, though. There are more appointments coming. It's getting really scary for me, because I don't trust any of them, and every time I have to go into another doctors office... it was pretty bad today. I couldn't sit down in the waiting room. I went back outside. It was bad. But I managed, and I did what I was supposed to do... and (God, I knew it! But everyone kept saying, no, no, this is the guy you need to see... So I tried to think positive, positive thoughts!) this is not the guy that's going to help me. That's the bottom line. I'm on to another person. She's a chick (sorry), and I DO NOT do well with female doctors, but what do I do? EMDR was talked about. Whatever.

It's really meant a lot to me that you've been rooting me on. Sorry I didn't have better news to report.

Good luck, tonight!
D

 

[lcb]

D123 I'm sorry it didn't go so great. But I do think that it may be good in the fact they are talking about EMDR or a therapy to help you with the ptsd. I really feel better after the exposure therapy. Obliviously does not solve everything still work in progress. But hopefully it will help.

I am actually seeing a guy Therapist so i get what your saying. For me growing up without a mom its easier who knows. Our appointment was stressful. When i see the therapist alone he tells me its emotional abuse and i need to tell him its not ok anymore. But when he gets there its another story with my husband. I think he feels if he pushes my husband to far he will get pissed off. I don't know. But we go back on Tuesday. So i told my husband lets try and be good to eachother or mindful as our therapist says till we see him again. Its what 4 and half days. Going to try anyhow.

Working on this stuff is very hard but hopefully the outcome will be great! I hope you find some connection with this next therapist and can get started on the emdr or which every therapy you all decide which is best for you. Let me know when you have your next appointment. I so proud of you for sticking in there its hard if you haven't found a therapist you are not ok with. But you are seriously trying that is obvious. So get yourself some sort of treat. Chocolate or something!

 

[EverOnly358]

LCB,

Thanks so much for your support! I grew up without a mom, too! So, yeah... I like guy shrinks better, it is easier (though it's still all so hard).

Appointment's tomorrow (Monday) at 3:00pm. Yikes! Of course I can't sleep, and when I do sleep it's all sweating and terror and nightmares. Sigh. But I'm still DETERMINED.

Been on this weird kick where I just cannot eat unhealthy food. It's related to my husband. That whole mess... yikes! So, I like sympathize with husband issues. I don't like how your therapist says one thing to you when you're one-on-one and something entirely different when your husband is there. But, I guess, it might be more constructive not to start an argument with your husband... but rather, to guide him towards some understanding. It's nice that you're trying to be good to each other. It can be hard when there's a lot of water under the bridge. And it's 4 and a half days, no problem. ;D

I've recounted my trauma like four or five times now. Tomorrow will be yet another time. Doctors offices are still TERRIFYING for me. I like couldn't breathe, and I was crying, and I couldn't sit down... and this was just in the waiting room! God, I just don't know how I'm going to do it again. DETERMINED, though. Wish me luck. I hope I don't pass out in fear.

D

 

[lcb]

Good luck today! I will be thinking of you. I know how you feel each time you go to a new therapist you have to start from scratch telling your story. It stinks and I always dread that part!

Come back and tell us how it goes! Something has to give I think you are up for a good therapy session. Hope its today.

My husband has been much better these past 4 days so I am hoping things are sinking in. For sure very much still work in progress. We go back tomorrow since the therapist is off tomorrow. I still try and make it that we drive separate so we can have some down time afterwards.

Anyhow sending you good thoughts today!!

 

[EverOnly358]

Thanks for the good thoughts! Truly. It means a lot to me!

I survived. Every appointment is making things worse and worse for me. I keep trying to hold tough, but this process is making me fall apart into pieces. I had to go over all my trauma AGAIN today, with plenty of questions, too. It was awful. Somehow after spending a lot of time on my childhood, we got into some of my hospital and doctor trauma. The six weeks in three different hospitals when my beautiful daughter almost died and my beloved mother-in-law did die. I didn't sleep for more than a couple hours total those weeks, and this was right after she was born. I was convinced, if I went to sleep, my daughter would die. God, I think this needs to go in my Trauma Diary. It's all very, very raw and painful tonight... like I didn't have enough stuff swirling around in my head already.

I dunno. I'll probably keep going to see her. I'm not sure. She does have lots of experience with trauma and PTSD, and there was talk about EMDR and something else, too, but by that point, I was pretty dissociated. It was pathetic, too... I like focused on the baseboards like 2 yards away from where she was sitting... couldn't look up, couldn't make eye contact, nothing. But I was candid about all the abuse, the rape, my crumbling marriage, the stress of doctors appointments and such for my daughter, and some of the trauma at Lake Forest Hospital and Children's Memorial Hospital for my daughter and the hospital in Ohio when my husband's Mom was dying, too. That went on too long, and I'm really struggling tonight. I know I'm not making much sense.

Thinking of you LCB, I made my husband drive to Culver's and I FINALLY (after weeks of talking about this) got my chocolate ice cream with crushed up peanut butter cups. I ate a couple bites then felt like I was gonna throw up. But hey, at least I finally got it. I guess I'm really not good at taking my own advice. I went for a walk when I got home, but spent most of the time sitting by the pond, listening to music, trying to get my head back together. Then I did walk for awhile. Came home with a screaming headache. Realized all I had eaten all day was that little bit of ice cream, so I managed some dinner.

Vaguely, in the background, I hear a whisper, "determined," but it's like hard to hear over the crying.

Anyways... to totally switch from my selfish, selfish self... I hope you and your husband have a really, really good session tomorrow. Best of luck! Maybe you guys should go for ice cream together or something fun like that, too. I'm so proud of you for trying so hard with your husband this week. This is all good stuff happening for you, and I'm very happy for you!!! Best of luck tomorrow night!!!

D

 

[EverOnly358]

Hey there,

Feeling a bit better about everything today. Last night was horrible. (Felt just like Flynn Ryder in the Disney movie Tangled... like I was hit on the head a few dozen times with a cast iron frying pan, LOL!) But I managed, I always do.

But, well... I guess I've decided to keep seeing this woman, Therapist #2. She's a tiny red-headed woman, maybe late 50's? She reminded a little of my beloved mother-in-law, who was this tiny, red-headed Irish woman with an outrageous since of humor and a heart of pure gold. So, like, at least I didn't feel the urge to punch Therapist #2. It wouldn't have been a fair fight, anyways, I'm like 5'9". LOL! (*Joking, all joking*)

So... appointments on Mondays with Therapist #2. I think I'm gonna ignore the candy man like the plague (still haven't taken any pills) and EMDR or whatever sometime in the future... we'll hash out the scheduling tomorrow, I think.

As for the most important aspect of all this... I had an amazing homemade chocolate brownie (okay, a tiny square, but still) with ice cold milk for dessert tonight. Ummm... chocolate. I love chocolate. I could marry chocolate. LOL!

D