Expressing Anger

[sun seeker]

Has anyone's therapist encouraged them to express anger at them? Mine is saying it would be a good thing if I could do this, but it scares me. I'm interested in how it has gone for anyone else.

 

[Riot]

@sun seeker, yes, mine has as well.

 

[Crow]

I used to tell T that I had gotten mad at her months after the fact. It's taken years for me to say in the moment or at the next session that something she said or did upset me. Then we talk it out like normal adults. Slow process. Painful process. A key to building trust though. It's translated to real life in me being able to express my anger or displeasure with others without shutting down or going off the deep end. I think I am learning to trust myself to handle the emotions. And it started by being angry at T and talking it out.

 

[Friday]

<chuckling> Yes. It was fun. He was a waaaaay better fighter than I am.

I've had a few others suggest it. Bad idea on their part, and I didn't go there with them.

 

[Ronin]

Official therapists, no.

Therapy buddies, yes.

I don't trust therapists & there's no chance in hell I'd let someone I thoroughly don't trust that close as a fight, let alone for another close thing as healing... but if I found someone both trustworthy & knowing what they're doing I might be up for it.

 

[Whyteferret]

Official therapists, no.

Therapy buddies, yes.

I don't trust therapists & there's no chance in hell I'd...

@Cashew
Is it really a fight to tell someone you're mad at them? I suppose it matters how you do it.
If your response is along the lines of "F you" it may be a fight/ combative.

If it's "that comment ticked me off," as an opening for discussion, different story.

Just my thought on it.

OP
No. I've had a few therapists. I never felt comfortable showing anger. I think I don't trust myself to respond to anger. When I do, it gets ugly. i never directly told them I was angry.

I can't get off with that with my current therapist. He calls me on trying to avoid emotions.
I have trouble expressing myself verbally. That tends to piss me off more.

 

[Friday]

@Whyteferret ... I think @Cashew may have been thinking the same way I was...

As I could be completely wrong

Just to speak for myself, I will go toe to toe with just about anyone ((in fact, that's a requirement of any therapist I see, that they are more than willing to piss me off to the point where I get to that level of instant-honesty-filters-offline)) much less anything lesser like simple disagreement; but where my head was at in expressing anger was literally coming to blows. As in "We're gonna work this shit out right now. Come at me." Or "When you're ready to talk meet me at the mats. Until then, shut it. I'm tired of your bullshit." and actually fighting.

 

[Ronin]

I was thinking physical outlets.

I wasn't thinking emotional, just to clarify. Heated exchange of opinions in which several F bombs are dropped, unless it's to dehumanize the other person/people present, don't register as 'fights' in my book, but communication. ;)

I really, really have to trust the person to handle both themselves and me, in order to work with them on any form of somatic processing, even more so if I should be allowing myself the more natural communication I usually shuffle & suck up under different facade.

As in, similar to what's @FridayJones saying, different direction - both handling in depth work, trust issues, and learned & modified automatic reflexes.

 

[Whyteferret]

@Cashew, @FridayJones
That makes sense. I was thinking more an F bomb to start off a physical issue. Mi got "fired" by my last therapist. I dropped too many F bombs and called her bitch and some other choice words. I scared her. ;):watching: I've been told that I get the "I'm going to f*cking I'll you" look.

I quit therapy for months until things got bad enough. The T at the Vet Center is used to being sworn at. And I know him from when we both worked at the VA, so there's already trust.