Facing Faces

[Jnean]

I saw someone at an event tonight that didnt remind me of anyone that has hurt me but reminded me of someone I knew. However when I looked at him a second time, all that I saw was scars on his face. I can't explain it. It didn't feel good. I had to avoid looking at him again, it felt very unsettling. I haven't been able to get this face with scars out of my head. Ugh.

 

[illusionist]

I had a similar experience years ago with someone I knew, and loved....was really scary. I too could not look at him..I can only explain it as looking at someone that was evil and I was looking into their soul for the first time.

This person had never harmed me, so never understood why I was seeing them in this way.

 

[Jnean]

Oh wow yea that would be difficult if he was dear to me. Thank you for sharing. I know I tried dating too soon years ago after my DV relationship and all I could see in everyone was my ex, that was hard. This time I didn't know who I was seeing, just know it made me feel unsafe however I had support with me that I was able to talk to so I knew that I was safe. And why the scars when this man didn't have scars. I think what I'm most afraid of is this happening anytime. But I have to remember that I am safe now. And I don't need to remember to heal whether it bugs me or not sometimes, remember everything that is.

 

[Jnean]

My dad has a few scars on his face from Vietnam war. Who am I kidding I'm in denial. Signs are getting me closer and closer to not being able to run from it. It just depresses me. I so don't want it to be true.

 

[The Albatross]

Perhaps the situation calls your attention to the fact that you are making connections mentally that are affecting your present. Not all facial scars, for instance, are what you or I may infer them to be? You're perception of the facial scars are affecting you. He is NOT the person that you knew, though your head went there. It brings the situation to your awareness. Not an altogether bad thing.

 

[Ronin]

You could think of why do scars terrify you so much, and lead to the perception a person with them is bad in some way, why you associate that way.

That has nothing in common with who they are or why they came to have this or that scarring, but could be beneficial way for you to look at it, as spinning yourself deeper in 'something evil is going on here' won't help you.

 

[sleepingwolf]

jnean,

That sounds like a scary time, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope some of the fear has left you and you feel better.

I've had similar experiences before two, which for me I feel fall into two categories. One is when I'm experiencing a flashback any people around take scary faces, of all sorts, usually linked to how Im feeling or what the flashback contains. They become characters in a part of the flashback I guess. The other is when I'm very uncomfortable, or unsure, or feeling something isn't right, then people's faces change and 'reveal themselves', so I can know much more clearly what to do, or who they are. One experience I had was with a housemate I once lived with, she seemed like she had a 'hard life', and one day her face appeared all scarred and worn. It actually led me to feel more sympathy for her, in this instance. Of course with the experience you are saying this might not be the case at all. I guess I agree that any physical perspective or metaphor, like scars, may not be necessarily bad.

Good luck with it.

 

[Ocean5]

When I was a teenager had experience working in store. A drunk father was in check-out line verbally abusing his kids and wife. Maybe it got physically (I don't remember, but suspect it did.) Just the smell started to trigger me. I was maybe 16. I went from a star employee to running to bathroom to vomit. Something really triggered me. Even management was so concerned in my changed they gave me rest of day off.

 

[Jnean]

All makes sense, the scars were how I identified with this feeling that I knew him. He was an older man and I just couldn't stop trying to figure out where I knew him from but I didn't have to keep looking at him. It made me feel unsafe even though I knew I was safe. In fact I changed seating so that I wouldn't see him in my view but his image kept coming back. I can even see it now as I am talking about it but I'm home and safe. There I began to be very clingy with my partner after words not that it became an issue because it didn't. Thing is the scars reminded me hours later of my fathers scars from Vietnam war with out his facial hair. I know it was a trigger now but even now I still have a difficult time not being in denial about things even with triggers. But that's why I'm in therapy. Thanks for your input, it really helps!

 

[Jnean]

The scars were never real. That man had facial hair with not one scar. I had to ask my friends about it that night if they knew him, they did not. When I talked to them about this they didn't see scars, not one. I can't wait for therapy!

 

[Ocean5]

Maybe it was a small scar they didn't noticed, or he reminded you of your father so much its what you saw. The mind works in mysterious ways. But always at its base is our need for self-preservation. Suppose to be oldest part of brain. Think it's called our reptilian brain.