failing your pet

[Marvel545]

It would actually be better for you to take him to a shelter. There are people who would love a kitty & would really benefit from D.

He isn't ill & the fairest thing to do is to give him a chance with other owners. I really hope you can see this.

By posting here I believe you are having second thoughts about what you're doing, it isn't the only option!

EDIT - Apologies if I sound harsh. I really don't want you to do something you would regret. From your post I gather that you aren't coping & the fairest thing would be to take him to a shelter to be rehoused. My Dad recently got a rescue & it is very loved.

 

[ILoveLife]

I honestly think that the fact you even considered killing him proves you shouldn't have him in your household. He deserves better.
I'm going to say this again, this is not about you - it's about him and the care he's getting.

Imagine this, you had emotional problems and your parents went to the doctor to euthanize you. Wonderful image right? Is this about your parents or about your life? I'm betting you'd think at things differently if you thought of the lives of any animal as important as the human-animal life.

I'm out of this thread. Tolerance is beautiful, but I don't tolerate the intolerable.

 

[knuckles]

I appreciate reading your reply. In many ways, this is about you. Why now you asked? How many other things in your life are you feeling powerless over? That may be a clue.

I understand your frustration, I do. And yes, we have 'reacted'. But you ARE being honest in your saying something else is going on.

How can we help you to figure this out? I would appreciate if you would tell me the name of your diary and I will go read it.. Then see if we can give you some feedback that helps YOU to help D.

I am writing about this in the private diary. I found that having other members replying to my diary was making me too uncomfortable.

I will return later.

 

[barefoot]

I honestly don't believe that ending his life is justifiable in any way. He is a healthy cat!

You say that his soiling the house has come up "a handful of times" this year. Although I know this has been happening on and off for ten years - and I think it's understandable that you're not too happy about that - your decision to resolve an irritating issue that has happened just a handful of times in almost a year by having a vet put him to sleep is extreme.

Please cancel the appointment on Tuesday and take him to a shelter so that he is no longer in your space, no longer triggering you and no longer your responsibility and in your care.

Then he will have a chance to be happy and cared for in another home where he can live out the rest of his days with love and affection and people who do want him around.

And maybe take some time to reflect on what else is coming up for you around this. You have wondered yourself "why now?" when this has been going on for ten years. So, great question - what is it about now that is leading you to make such a choice?

I also wonder if there is something in the finality of this, which might be useful to reflect on. You can't cope with your cat because he urinates in the house occasionally and because you find his presence/personality/physicality triggering. So, fine...take him somewhere to be looked after and rehomed - no one here is trying to force you to keep an animal that you don't want. But ending his life is absolutely final, it cannot be undone, you are just deciding to take a life because you don't like him/feel that you can't cope with living with him anymore. And that is a totally extreme and unnecessary way to resolve the fact that you don't want to have D in your life and home anymore. Why are you seemingly so adamant that he needs to die?

Aside from the fact that I vehemently disagree with your decision, I am also concerned that, if you do go through with it and have him euthanised on Tuesday, you will struggle with that afterwards. The fact that you're posting here and a few things you've said sound to me that you're not sure...that you don't actually feel it's the right thing to do. With that doubt, I can't imagine how that will feel for you to know that you've been responsible for ending his life.

You've called this thread "Failing your pet" so I assume that's what you think you are doing. To me, killing your pet because you can't cope with it anymore is a huge fail, especially when there are so many alternatives where he gets to continue to live a happy and healthy life. A huge fail! So, why do it?

I don't see anything in this decision about it being out of love for him. If you love him, let him live and let him find another home where he can be happy.

Are you feeling triggered/dysregulated in general at the moment? If so, please work on that and don't make any major decisions about anything – especially this – while you are in this state.

Take D to a rescue shelter. Today. It's a no brainer.

 

[Friday]

I’m another who doesn’t see this as a decision made in love, but out of expedience. You’re triggered & stressed by the cat, and want him gone. Taking him to a no-kill shelter (or giving him to a farm, as a rodent control engineer, for whom cat spray is wanted as it helps keep pests -snakes, coyotes, rats, etc,- away) underlines this is an issue about you, not about him, so instead you’re having him put down.

There’s nothing wrong with this cat. He’s not old. (13 is young for oriental cats who live into their 20s as a rule, and 30s very occasionally... it was bizarre moving from Asia to America where cats live half as long). He sprays. Cats do that. Just because it’s not something you can live with doesn’t mean others can’t, or won’t, or might even want that (like ranchers & farmers, where spraying is useful; instead of apartment dwellers, where spraying is a nuisance).

Again, this issue is about you, not him. Do right by him, by owning that instead of avoiding it by trying to make it about him / no one would want him / etc. That’s not true. He could live a very long and happy life chasing mice, catting around, and sleeping in warm hay lofts.

 

[Sandstone]

I've observed before that posting anything about being less than perfect for our pets is a sure way to get harsh responses, It seems to be the basic black and white issue.

Taking that, combined with your comment that you were made so uncomfortable by others replying to your diary, makes me wonder if you are trying to make your self unacceptable, so we stay away from you?

 

[littleoc]

Okay, here’s the thing. People regularly adopt cats that can’t be kept indoors. Ask your vet if anyone around they know does that. Barn cats are very helpful in some farms, for example.

I own a cat who couldn’t be an indoor cat. Be peed everywhere. His owner gifted him to me and I was happy. I put him to work in the yard. He’s the best cat for it and now no one cares about his habits.

Cats have a long history with humans. Most of that history they spent outdoors. They are still adjusting to inside life sometimes.

The fact that you didn’t find another solution to ten years of urinating indoors is a bit interesting. How are you training this cat? Have you even tried?

You know, my dad had this attitude towards children, so I know I’m triggered. My dad regularly insisted that my little brother should be put down for being wheelchair bound. He insisted on abortions and suffocating babies who might be problems. You know what? Cats form bonds with people. Cats trust you to do the right thing, and they don’t asume you will either. So do me a favor, and if you put him down, at least be there for him in the end. He’ll look for you. He’ll want to know that you think everything is going to be okay.

That said, don’t put him down. That’s your brain looking for an easy solution to something you have been pushing aside to deal with later. As in, you are handling this like a triggered person. And you will regret it.

Just put him up for adoption.

Again, this issue is about you, not him. Do right by him, by owning that instead of avoiding it by trying to make it about him / no one would want him / etc. That’s not true. He could live a very long and happy life chasing mice, catting around, and sleeping in warm hay lofts.

This times a million

 

[EveHarrington]

No-kill shelter always a better option than murder. Just sayin

I used to volunteer at a no kill shelter. It was horrible to see animals locked up in cages in the name of “no death”. I hate zoos for this very reason. Living in a cage is a fate worse than death IMHO.

OP my family gave up a number of cats for this same reason. We took them to the shelter, but knew they would be put down as they were un-adoptable. The cats were indeed outside cats but they were ruining much property.

So yes, OP, I understand where you’re coming from.

 

[littleoc]

I have also volunteered in no kill shelters. Five years. The cats and dogs did fine. Worst thing that happened was a few came back.

Cats were kept in humane ways. Dogs were walked by volunteers or people required to do community service. It was actually great.

Not saying all shelters are awesome, just saying they aren’t all shit.

 

[EveHarrington]

I have also volunteered in no kill shelters. Five years. The cats and dogs did fine. Worst thing that happened was a few came back.

Cats were kept in humane ways. Dogs were walked by volunteers or people required to do community service. It was actually great.

Not saying all shelters are awesome, just saying they aren’t all shit.

And the un-adoptable ones end up living in a cage for the rest of their life. There is no “coming back” because the un-adoptable ones go nowhere to begin with.

 

[littleoc]

This cat doesn’t seem particularly unadoptable.

Have lived in a cage, and I agree it sucks. But most cats aren’t particularly unadoptable unless they’re extremely aggressive. In which case I think this thread would look a little different.

I was neglected like crazy and it was a feral cat who attacked my dad from high shelves that tried to bond with us most. She was totally unadoptable, lol. He liked her for atttacking people, I guess?

I have no idea how to make that sound less disturbing, maybe I should hop out of this thread.

Please don’t put down your cat, OP. But if you do stay in the room and make it alright.

 

[desiderata310]

Alright, I'm jumping in the fray.

I took a cat much like this. Buddy was a senior with potty issues. His owners were putting him down because they REALLY just couldn't deal with the issues anymore.They had taken him to the vet to be put down and instead, the vet offered to re-home. That's where I came in. I got him when he was 13. He lived with me till he passed- another 5 years. I had different head about things and worked with him to mostly fix the potty issues. When he had accidents it became obvious why.

Look, I get that it's hard. But someone out there can work around this cat's problems and they need the company.

At least look into the possibility.