Family triggered everything

[Pauline]

Hi so this is just a post about family. Last year I worked for my family business and I had a really hard time with my cousins my dad runs a pretty intense business I don't really get on with him either but I was there to get routine anyway no matter how hard I tried my cousins didn't want me in the company because I was the daughters boss and they had this idea that I would take over they treated me very cold and nasty and I kept trying to win their approval it was so bad I had to leave abuptly and to the point that I came home crying most of the time anyways it's been a few months now and I keep blaming myself because I sort of wished that we would have been friends or like me working there would have formed a closer bond with them but now we don't talk at all I asked my mum if I should reach out and she said that there was no point having a relationship as it would ruin the business side of things so I just left it anyways my post is that I keep obsessing and self blaming and I feel extremely neglected by family I have cut all ties with them because of this and it is making me go crazy because I used to have really strong family values but now the situation is reminding me about my school days and the neglect I just feel like everyone leaves me I tried to kill myself in 2015 but I made a promise to not do it because I love my family too much but now there are just no family values and clearly they don't feel the same way I am extremely hurt and upset and I really want to stop blaming myself can someone please help me think clearly on this X

 

[nomorefear]

Hi Pauline, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I totally understand. There has been a lot of dysfunction and turmoil in my family. I found the book Peacemaking for Families by Ken Sande. It really helped me process things and come up with a reconciliation plan. It doesn't sound like your Mom wants to get involved (probably because it won't be easy), but if it is bothering you this much, you need to try to make amends. Also, is there someone you can talk to who can help you with this?

 

[Pauline]

Hey thanks for replying I really appreciate it I feel like I need a lot of space from my family and focus on myself it's just sad because I always blame myself and feel better when I do I know they are never going to change and business is far more important to them then family values I would never put money before family but that is just me I can respect how important money is to people regardless I also don't have a great relationship with my dad and I feel better when I'm not around him as much they are quite a toxic family my mum said it was too early to try and reconnect with them X thanks for your support

 

[nomorefear]

Pauline, I can understand that. I had to separate from my biological family for a while. I read the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud (I heard about it on the New Life radio call in program). I learned from this book that anyone in my family could do anything to me and treat me any way they wanted and I had no voice. Reading it was the best thing I ever did. I learned that creating boundaries isn't an unloving thing, actually, sometimes it is the most loving thing you can do. I still suffer from PTSD because of the trauma of my family.