My family triggers panic attacks, paranoid thoughts, and anxiety; the biggest problem is that they dont understand this no matter how much I try to explain it. My sibling triggers me the most lately, its usually with insensitive remarks about the condition of my life. I dont know if she catches herself saying these things, but she never seems to want to acknowledge them; this triggers alot of paranoia.
The holiday was pretty harsh for me. My sister was in college when I got PTSD, so she only understood what she heard at the time. I thought that she would understand me better because there was no language barrier, but some of her spite started to come out instead. No matter how much I explain my condition, it comes off to her as disrespect (I vocalize my distrust with everyone around me when im getting a panic attack, it feels like tourettes to me). There was a point during the trip where she thought that the best thing to do was to ignore me during a panic attack while we were driving to church. It was triggered initially by sleeplessness, I forgot what my sister said but my head felt like it was going to explode. She has a way of diverting attention away from me when im "acting out" to her standards (shes really just fighting me). Eventually, it turned into a fight between me and my dad some how; at that point I just felt manipulated (she has issues with my father, I dont but I used to).
I cut people off when I feel they are taking advantage of my anger and somehow using it as an asset to them. My anger makes me look horrible, everything goes out the window, I run away to a bathroom and start walking in and out trying to switch between open air and privacy. At that point im crazy, I cant go around telling everyone that I have a mental illness to make sense out of it for them. What sucks is that this has been happening to me alot with people I worked with both retail and especially in the performing arts.
It really crumbles everything, and it really hurts that my family unintentionally trigger my symptoms. Whats even worse is that my sister is a bit crazy to me and has ways of triggering my symptoms intentionally. I can see several benefits to her making me look crazy in front of my parents (finances, praise, confidence). Like most people that manipulate to get their way, she doesnt know how much shes hurting me; she will make me feel very guilty everytime I try to assert myself regarding this.
Im losing alot of confidence because I feel like society has found a new way to bully me; what sucks most is that I feel like some of my family members dont want the best for me.
The holiday was pretty harsh for me. My sister was in college when I got PTSD, so she only understood what she heard at the time. I thought that she would understand me better because there was no language barrier, but some of her spite started to come out instead. No matter how much I explain my condition, it comes off to her as disrespect (I vocalize my distrust with everyone around me when im getting a panic attack, it feels like tourettes to me). There was a point during the trip where she thought that the best thing to do was to ignore me during a panic attack while we were driving to church. It was triggered initially by sleeplessness, I forgot what my sister said but my head felt like it was going to explode. She has a way of diverting attention away from me when im "acting out" to her standards (shes really just fighting me). Eventually, it turned into a fight between me and my dad some how; at that point I just felt manipulated (she has issues with my father, I dont but I used to).
I cut people off when I feel they are taking advantage of my anger and somehow using it as an asset to them. My anger makes me look horrible, everything goes out the window, I run away to a bathroom and start walking in and out trying to switch between open air and privacy. At that point im crazy, I cant go around telling everyone that I have a mental illness to make sense out of it for them. What sucks is that this has been happening to me alot with people I worked with both retail and especially in the performing arts.
It really crumbles everything, and it really hurts that my family unintentionally trigger my symptoms. Whats even worse is that my sister is a bit crazy to me and has ways of triggering my symptoms intentionally. I can see several benefits to her making me look crazy in front of my parents (finances, praise, confidence). Like most people that manipulate to get their way, she doesnt know how much shes hurting me; she will make me feel very guilty everytime I try to assert myself regarding this.
Im losing alot of confidence because I feel like society has found a new way to bully me; what sucks most is that I feel like some of my family members dont want the best for me.
