Family

[Snowflake]

When you spend time or communicate with family do you get depressed or anxious? Like it’s a trigger?

 

[EveHarrington]

It could be a trigger if you were abused by family.

 

[Innordinate]

Yes. Very much yes. Especially with my kids.
I've gotten better with it but am still working on it as well.

 

[InsertCoinsHere]

Yes very much so it's taken time for me to recognise this..

I was neglected by both parents, emotionally abused by one and sexually abused by a sibling.. I've had to crawl through a lot of denial to recognise that yes they do trigger me and always have it's just I ignored it by denying it.

Currently coming to terms with accepting my family were never and will probably never be what I truly thought they could be (caring, truly supportive, nurturing and loving)... It's been a real shock to be honest to reveal their masks and see what wolves I've truly been living with.

 

[Snowflake]

Yes very much so it's taken time for me to recognise this..

I was neglected by both parents,...

Exactly-I could have written this myself

 

[Friday]

More of a stress cup thing, my family is completely uninvolved in my trauma history, but yep.

 

[MyWillow]

Currently coming to terms with accepting my family were never and will probably never be what I truly thought they could be (caring, truly supportive, nurturing and loving)... It's been a real shock to be honest to reveal their masks and see what wolves I've truly been living with.

Ugh. This is such a painful process. I am so over it too. Layer after layer being ripped off.

 

[Freida]

It depends on my mood when I get there. If I'm already stressed it makes it worse because I have to hide how I feel. My family doesn't know I have ptsd -- so I guess there's some dysfunction there to begin with

If I'm in a stable place we have a great time

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Yes. This weekend, for example. I've been fixing mountains of organic whole food plant-based vegan food to deliver to family and I can't help but wonder why I spend so much time and effort to help healthily nurture the same humans who allowed and often caused, be it directly or by omission of basic loving and nurturing, so much deep suffering to happen to the children they brought into this world. Then knowing they happily and fully support and continue heavily buying into the ongoing suffering of so many other living beings through what they typically eat adds insult to injury in my heart.

I realize a lot of the things that happened back then were simply a result of how they were raised themselves, but knowing that doesn't lessen the hurt I still feel when I remember what all happened to me and my sister and how they chose to (not) handle it. Also, seeing my nephew live out many of my worst nightmares and feeling totally helpless in being able to help him shift his path to a more rewarding and healthful flow brings up so many things I wish I could forget/move past, as well.

I've tried the route of being fully open and honest by putting my feelings out on the table and trying to address the elephants in the room, only to be painfully reminded the strong preference of most people in my life is to continue to keep the feelings shoved aside and kept out of sight, out of mind. Homey can't hang with that vibe very long at all, making all of my visits very short ones. Plus, I can't handle artificial fragrances and such as they make me physically ill, and none of them are willing to stop using them so I can stay longer. lol Imagine that. I find it endlessly fascinating and as equally entertaining and/or infuriating, at times, regarding how things seem to flow in this thing called life.

 

[piratelady]

I do as well. I am still working on why they have that affect on me, but they do. After I spend too much time with them, I have to isolate myself for a while to get me emotions back under control again. I hope I can fix it one day so they don't have such an effect on me, but I'm not too hopeful on that front.

 

[The Bat-Fax]

More of a stress cup thing, my family is completely uninvolved in my trauma history, but yep.

Same, honestly. I'd never heard of the stress cup analogy before, but it really explains a lot.

 

[InsertCoinsHere]

Sounds very similar to my experience.

I've been trying to open the communication regarding the elephants in the room but they deny its existence or sometimes even acknowledge the issues but minimize or choose ignorance. I find this extremely damaging to be honest as the abuse I went through a lot of it was emotional neglect by knowing parents after CSA. So I find it extremely difficult to talk to them about anything regarding me without bubbling up with emotions (anger, resentment, guilt, sadness, shame).. I don't particularly care if they were not in my life anymore, it would be sad but I could move on to a fresh perspective, currently I feel I'm reliving the trauma every time I see them (currently it's worst it's been due to having to move in with them to get well).

How far did you open the gates to communication about the past? I'm trying to figure how much do I proceed.. I seem to be getting hurt every time.. My wanting to honestly resolve the past and move forward gets met with their resistance (totally defensive, guilt, shame, obligations) I wish they could see I'm not out to hurt them but to resolve something so deep to me that I am unsure whether I can stay in the family without them truly accepting it happened.