DID Fear of did

[Lucycat]

I have recently revisited the possibility of DID with my T. He is quite sure I do not have it, and he has experience of other people with the diagnosis so has experience. Of course he said that , not being a psychiatrist, he is not qualified to give a diagnosis, but his word is good enough for me on this.

I did read the article Jadebear posted above, and also the reply by Marlene Steinberg which was quite revealing.

 

[jadebear]

...and where is that reply by Marlene Steinberg at? I didn't see it in the article..is it somewhere else?

 

[Lucycat]

Hi JB, the article - that you put the link to -is on 3 pages and the 3rd page is Marlene's response to what Elizabeth Loftus had said. Dr Steinberg starts off by saying;

As many people are aware, Loftus is not a licensed clinical psychologist and has never diagnosed or treated a single person through [DLMURL="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/psychotherapy"]psychotherapy[/DLMURL]. In addition, respected professionals have documented misrepresentations, scientific errors, erroneous conclusions and ethical breaches in regard to her research.

 

[jka37]

Hi Hlost,

I have the same symptoms as you, or at least similar. I have alter personalities and fragments who take "executive control" regularly, but I am always watching and always mostly aware, even if I have no control. As a result, I have been told I have DDNOS1b. I wonder if CPTSD is the same idea as this...DDNOS is treated the same as DID...its just not as far along the dissociative spectrum.

I am SO sorry for your pain and the confusion and loneliness that comes from it. And for the hypervigilance and limited range of motion...I understand all too well, as I am just in the beginning of this long journey.

The best advice I have been given (and perhaps the most challenging) is "don't be afraid." Easier said than done, at least for me.

amaryllis

 

[Gena]

I used to have a similar problem years ago, I almost forgot. I went away once I started sharing my story with more and more people that knew me. Even though the reactions weren't always what I wished for, "I" started becoming more of "Me" until I finally felt like myself, if that makes any sense.

 

[Wes]

This I think clears up this confusion. People with DID can be aware of the alters and what they do.

While I don't consider what I/we have DID, we are indeed a "we", and so therapists would diagnose us with DID if we discussed it with them I'm sure... And we're all aware of each other. It took time and it took effort, but we established communication, and we've gotten so much more organized because of it. It's difficult, but it is definitely possible!

It's easy for me to say, but I will say it... don't be afraid. Even if you have DID and are sharing your body/mind with others, it doesn't have to be a disorder. DID is unique in that even though it is called a "disorder", you can work with the others and get to a point where your lives are not disordered anymore... often without getting rid of the others, or taking meds, or much of anything else. "Disorder" means you're greatly distressed, are harming yourself or others, or are unable to function. If you're not distressed, harming yourself or others, or unable to function, it's not a disorder.

Multiplicity-- being "more than one"-- is not rare. For many people, it comes naturally, and it isn't a negative, horrible thing. DID is a form of multiplicity, and with effort, it could be possible to turn the impairing aspects of DID around and live a happy, healthy life. That doesn't mean that there won't be problems or bumps in the road, but it does mean you can become functional.

 

[bonbar3]

Thanks Wes, for sharing your experience.

I agree, it doesn't have to be a "disorder" and it does take time and effort. For me, in the beginning, when fragments appeared, it was "very" difficult. I had no idea what was going on and I had a lot of fear and denial plus a myriad of physical and emotional symptoms to overcome. It took a while before I started to understand, but that's a long story.

I did lose time twice, but thankfully, that's all. I'll never forget what it felt like to realize something had taken place and I switched right in the middle of it, and didn't understand what had happened. It happened 2 times within about 2 hours of each other after an appointment with a psychiatrist.

I have great empathy for anyone dealing with this. That was about 4-5 years ago. Back then, through the help of a wonderful Christian Counselor, the Holy Spirit (I believe) and a technique used, the separate parts of me gradually established communication and agreed to work together, consciously. Things didn't change overnight, but did gradually improve.

I'm also still a "we", but some of my greatest blessings have come through these "parts" of me, that are in a way still separate, but conscious. For me, dissociation was a blessing during a time when I didn't know how to cope with the trauma I was going through.

There is hope. Peace and healing do come. Because it takes time, I believe it's important to recognize all the successes along the way...no matter what size they are.

<Edited by CB - Added paragraph breaks for ease of reading.>

 

[Red Feather]

Yesterday I had a panic attack and cried severely in front of my children and exhusband (abuser). I even let him hug me. This might be called being authentic too.... instead of a dissociated state....But really I didn't want my children to see me like that, let alone my ex. I don't know what to say to my doctor now. I don't want him to send me to the closed psychiatry if I tell him. I have been so unstable lately. I have had several episodes in which I watched as I behaved quite erattically and in panic.

My earlier doctor suggested I mighht have DID, because I told him that I am aware of energy forms that move through me and have attacked me. But seeing as I don't forget anything and am extrememly aware, I can't see myself having DID or separate alters. Maybe a dissociative disorder, but it also might just be the effects of trauma and therefore irrelevant. I would go to a trauma specific clinic but not to the regular psychiatry ward.

When I get like this I can't even talk or use the phone so I don't know what to do about my doctor. He knows I have been having SI and urge to self harm. He said I should go to his office once I get back from my trip to see my children. I am still looking for a therapist, and I dissociated so bad last time at a T session, that she said I need to go to a clinic for a couple weeks before I could start therapy. She said I barely could finish a sentence.

Any advice would be appreciated. I don't know what to do. I wish a doctor or somebody I trust would just tell me which clinic I should go to where I know I will be safe and not locked up.