I just can't bring myself to admit my positive Transference on T. I'm thankful that you all on the forum have helped and encouraged me, believe me I do. Meanwhile I talk all around transference stuff just to keep therapy going. T got records from my hospital that included an I.Q. test that was high (believe me, it hasn't done any good for my life). Now I'm worried T is suspicious I'm trying to steer and manipulate her because I'm (supposedly) smart. I Never would steer the conversation on purpose. I just hope she won't give up on me while I work on these trust problems. I'm not sure she believes in transference and expect she will just remind me to act my age when I admit it. I'm finding that I can't write or email her about it. I think rather strongly that T is starting to dislike me because she thinks I'm cunning. I'm so messed up about this! :cautious:
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Fear That T Thinks I'm Manipulating Her.
- Post starter Skylynx
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Headtrama99
New Here
When you say T do you mean teacher?
ButterflyBean
Not Active
T means therapist
franciemarnie
Diamond Member
I wonder if you came from a family who thought you were cunning and deceptive because I don't see why your T would think that. It sounds like projection unless she has commented that she finds you manipulative. I am not sure why a good IQ would equate to a cunning and manipulative persona. Medium IQ people are just as capable of that.
Headtrama99
New Here
Oh, sorry about your bad experience. Have you thought about maybe trying a different T?
joeylittle
Sponsor
It really seems from your posts that you are doing much "mind reading" (a common cognitive distortion) in regards to your therapist.
Also, if you are really this hung up on transference and so unsure whether your T uses it for a therapeutic modality, you should go find a new one who centers their therapy on transference.
The thing is, I'm seeing a pattern indicating you've already "transferred" an identity to your therapist, someone in your life you are very afraid of/ intimidated by but that you seek out because it is a familiar dynamic.
I'm not a psychoanalyst, these are just my observations.
Also, if you are really this hung up on transference and so unsure whether your T uses it for a therapeutic modality, you should go find a new one who centers their therapy on transference.
The thing is, I'm seeing a pattern indicating you've already "transferred" an identity to your therapist, someone in your life you are very afraid of/ intimidated by but that you seek out because it is a familiar dynamic.
I'm not a psychoanalyst, these are just my observations.
- Post starter
- #7
My post is similar to Gotihf's, and I learned a lot there about me. I've had therapy several times and always the therapy got bogged down on the transference subject when I couldn't talk about it openly. My relatives who raised me were rejecting and didn't want to be bothered.
I had running battles all day long with one aunt when I was about 3. She was clever in trying to defeat my rebellion, so I guess that is where some the trouble comes from.
I've thought about changing therapists. But whenever I think about how my present therapist gave the name to one of my fantasy friends, I just fall apart and sob at the thought of never seeing her again.
I had running battles all day long with one aunt when I was about 3. She was clever in trying to defeat my rebellion, so I guess that is where some the trouble comes from.
I've thought about changing therapists. But whenever I think about how my present therapist gave the name to one of my fantasy friends, I just fall apart and sob at the thought of never seeing her again.
TimeToHeal
Gold Member
Hi @Skylynx! I have to say, from what I've read, I tend to agree with @joeylittle. It sounds like perhaps these are some of your fears (possibly from past experiences) that you are projecting onto your therapist. Especially since you mentioned having similar issues with your past therapists.
Has your current therapist actually given you any reason to think she doesn't like you? How has she behaved, or what has she said that has given you the idea that she thinks you are manipulating her, or being cunning?
Perhaps you should examine YOUR thoughts, behavior, and intentions, instead of expending so much of your energy on worrying about and imagining what your therapist MIGHT be (though likely isn't) thinking about you. If you find that you are in no way attempting to manipulate her, then see if your worries begin to dissipate.
If a therapist is concerned that a patient is being manipulative in any way, it would be something that THEY would bring up and address in session. They are not likely to just let something like that go, as it could be rather harmful and counterproductive to therapy itself.
Either way, I think you do need to find a way to address your fears with your therapist, in some way or another. You've said you are having trouble doing this, but the longer you let it go without voicing it to her and giving her the opportunity to either confirm or extinguish these fears, the worse it is going to be for for, I'm afraid. Thoughts and fears that we keep to ourselves tend to have a way of building and growing and festering - we are so good at making things worse for ourselves! My therapist likes to say, "secrets keep us sick." And I find that to be so, so true.
Has your current therapist actually given you any reason to think she doesn't like you? How has she behaved, or what has she said that has given you the idea that she thinks you are manipulating her, or being cunning?
Perhaps you should examine YOUR thoughts, behavior, and intentions, instead of expending so much of your energy on worrying about and imagining what your therapist MIGHT be (though likely isn't) thinking about you. If you find that you are in no way attempting to manipulate her, then see if your worries begin to dissipate.
If a therapist is concerned that a patient is being manipulative in any way, it would be something that THEY would bring up and address in session. They are not likely to just let something like that go, as it could be rather harmful and counterproductive to therapy itself.
Either way, I think you do need to find a way to address your fears with your therapist, in some way or another. You've said you are having trouble doing this, but the longer you let it go without voicing it to her and giving her the opportunity to either confirm or extinguish these fears, the worse it is going to be for for, I'm afraid. Thoughts and fears that we keep to ourselves tend to have a way of building and growing and festering - we are so good at making things worse for ourselves! My therapist likes to say, "secrets keep us sick." And I find that to be so, so true.
Justmehere
Sponsor
I couldn't share some things with my old therapist either about transference... it made the transference all the more intense! (She is my old therapist because she was not a trauma therapist and we both knew I needed that but wasn't ready so she still worked with me until I was ready.). She didn't know how to handle transference, and flat out said that. But I have gone in and bluntly asked her, "do you think I'm screwing with you?"
My therapist nearly spit out her coffee because I was so blunt and awkward, but she smiled and quickly said "um, no. Not at all. I'm glad you are reality-checking this."
It was a huge relief.
Asking your own therapist if she thinks you are manipulating her may help ease into talking later about transference - and even if not, it may help you feel a lot more comfortable in therapy.
My therapist nearly spit out her coffee because I was so blunt and awkward, but she smiled and quickly said "um, no. Not at all. I'm glad you are reality-checking this."
It was a huge relief.
Asking your own therapist if she thinks you are manipulating her may help ease into talking later about transference - and even if not, it may help you feel a lot more comfortable in therapy.
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