Sexual Assault Feeling Extremly Anxious After Opening Up About Sexual Abuse To Someone I Dont Trust

[bright future28]

So feeling really nervous right now :( went to the local pub with my boyfriend and a few friends on new years eve ended up getting really drunk and opening up about my abuse to someone i dont trust and i keep beating myself up about it! Basically when i was 15 my so called best friend arranged for to guys to rape me one after the other after locking me in the bathroom sick i know. So this girl who i know doesnt like me very much as i remember the abusers going around telling people i actually did it with my consent at the time and her calling me disgusting names. I denied everything and blocked it out as if it never happened so i guess me talking to her about it was me saying i did nothing wrong they abused me and clearing my name its very hazy as i was so dtink but can remember going out for a cigarette and for some reason we got on the subject of the girl who had set it up and i said i hate her after she set up them to rape me as soon as i said it i regretted it and thought why am i opening up to someone eho clearly doesnt share! Her response was o you are alright now though!! Charming. No love iv only got ptsd hypervillilamce anxiety and depression but yep im fine even though i hide it well. Just so worried now that its going to get back to the abusers what i said and something bad is going back to me. Iv spoke to my partner and mum and they have both said im overthinking things she was drink and prob cant remember anything and a part of me is happy those sickos have been exposed but another part of me is terrified of the consequences. Anyone else been in a situatiom like thid ferl so vunerable right now :(

 

[KwanYingirl]

How old are you now?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

How old are you now?

I second that queation.

 

[Friday]

If it gets back to them, they are the ones who have something to fear; your going to the police. Both the boys, and at least here in the states, the girl who set it up, as she was an accomplice, she's guilty of rape/sexual assault, as well. Very few people act when afraid, unless cornered. Most people freeze, and hope it goes away if they pretend it never happened.

 

[bright future28]

How old are you now?

I am 29

 

[bright future28]

If it gets back to them, they are the ones who have something to fear; your going to the poli...

Thanks for your reply they are just as guilty as each other dont know why im feeling so afraid about exposing them its just iv only ever told a few close friends my mum and my partner so opening up to someone I dont know very well has just left me feeling exposed but i am going to hold my head high and soldier on.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I see you live in the UK, so I can't refer you to support agencies. At times like this, you need rational support. In the states we have rape and assault agencies that advocate for victims. They have crisis phones and I have called them even thirty years after my rapes. Do you know if there are such agencies where you live?

It's real important when people close to the perps or other people that just want to pretend it never happened, start with their mind f*cking bullshit that will drive you nuts.its important to have allies to support you. I don't think it's too late for you to press charges. Still, my first call would be to my therapist or a rape and assault support agency. Police and hospitals will know where they are.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I am 29

Do you still hang out with the girl that set it up and the guy that raped you? I ask because im not seeing why it matters it gets back to them? I also second @FridayJones that if within a certian time frame, they both (here in the states anyway) can be prosicuted as the girl is as guilty as the guy that did it; BUT, I saved very horrible and hard to believe past as a secert, never told a soul, especially my family, until 12 or so yrs after (and though im past the time frame for a criminal procecution, i can launch a civil suit; but wont...shes my mother; its compicated) but my point is, my entire family left, dont talk to me, gossips about me, judges my every move...my own family, due to not believing me but i carry on. It hurts but as my therapist says, who cares, you let the secert out and those that dont believe you are in the wrong...and my mother, whom is one of my main two abusers, knows i told everyone. What is she gonna do but deny it? And let her deny it. Its my word against hers since they burned all evidence. She just lucky i didnt and havent taken her to court as there are still scars and evidence on me and in my brain whom my therapist can tell anyone. Therefore, i ask, what can they do to you if they know? I ask that not knowing your entire situation and only have my own life to go off of.

 

[Suzetig]

Echoing what @KwanYingirl said, it might be worth getting in touch with your local rape crisis centre for support - they can offer counselling and support along with legal advice about how to keep yourself safe from these people.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

might be worth getting in touch with your local rape crisis centre for support - they can offer counselling and support along with legal advice about how to keep yourself safe from these people.

Agreed if needed but not always. This is why i asked if they are still in contact; i cut contact at age 19 and though back in the same US State, Im not in the same US town as my abuser and 1 is dead anyway, and what can my mother do to me that she hasnt already done. Now if still in contact or same local area, yes, saftey is first and counseling, therapy second. But not sure whats available where they are...but if needed im sure there are local (or federal?) agencies that can help if needed in the UK. In any direction, i agree counseling/therapy is much needed!