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Feeling Hopeless

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missd84

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This is the worst my PTSD has been since I was diagnosed. I feel completely hopeless and like a total failure. I lost my job and was forced to move back home (which may have been a blessing in disguise). I got a contractual job here which does not even give me the hours I need to survive. I constantly have to ask my family for money. I am a single mother and can barely get by. We may even have to go to the freestore to get food. Idk what to do.

I worked so hard to get to where I am today. I went to college. I had insurance. Now I can't even make rent and am without insurance. I never imagined myself here. I can't blame it all on my trauma but dealing with the PTSD makes getting a job even more difficult. I'm so angry that what someone else did to me has totally changed my life.

Ugh, just wanna see the light at the end of the tunnel...
 
Hang in there-the situation is only temporary. Being a parent may be the hardest thing we ever do-being single with ptsd means you deserve a lot of credit. It takes a lot to not criticize ourselves but its not worth it and does not help. One person can only do so much. Try to be kind to yourself
 
It is totally unfair. Completely and utterly unfair. But despite that, you can do this. You're here, for starters, so you'll be able to learn a lot from people dealing with similar issues. There's a lot of good coping strategies and advice around here, so definitely look around.

Just a suggestion - but set some time aside for yourself every day. Even if it's only 10 or 15 minutes. And in that time take of the mask, feel your feelings, and let them out. Play loud music and scream along or cry. And after your 15 minutes, it's back to life as usual. Also in this time you can do things that make yourself feel good - paint your nails, dance in your underwear, whatever you like. But this 'me' time is really important.
 
Reclusive is soooo right! Taking "me" time is very important and letting those feelings out. I will get in my car and crank that music up and scream :cool: or sing like I'm 15 whatever mood I'm in.

I went through a period of time I received 3 eviction notices and if it weren't for my neighbor I wouldn't have had food for myself or my dog, he stocked my apartment while I was inpatient. I survived a lot in my life but losing my sanity was not something I ever planned for so my anger and bitterness have been very difficult to overcome. I had finally gotten my dream job, living in my dream apartment, single at last, doing things the way I wanted to and major crash!! Poof!! Everything gone, it was a nightmare, friends went away and I ended up in the hospital, job was history.

I know that you are struggling and as a parent you have to survive. I can only imagine the weight on your shoulders but you are doing it, remember that. You are not alone in your struggles and there is recovery.

Thinking of you,
Rain
 
There man who planned a trip to Italy. All his life he wanted to go there but could not afford or take the time. For twenty years he communicated with relatives in Italy and collected literature about every place he would visit when he had the chance. He saved his change for twenty years. Finally the day came that he retired and saved enough money for the two week vacation that he wanted so badly. He met with the travel agent and bought tickets and his excitement increased. He packed maticulously , etc. The day finally came.

On the plane he looked at all of the travel brochures and finished writing his itenerary. After several hours, the plane landed and the pilot announced they landed in Poland. "Poland" the man exclaimed. Upon investigating, he discovered there were no flights out for two weeks. Now the man was really miserable as Poland was the last place he wanted to be. Further, all the money he saved would have to be used to live for the next two weeks. At first, he was very angry and depressed and stayed in his hotel. When he went out to eat, he kept overhearing others planning activities and sightseeing trips. Others asked him to join but he declined. After a couple of days of adjusting to his disappointment, he decided to go with others and try to find something positive in the situation. He could remain miserable and alone for the two weeks or accept his circumstances and see what happens. Little by little, he became open to seeing the sights of Poland, meeting others and finding humor in his situation.

At first he was resentful and grumpy. Soon he shared his story and disappointment with others. Others were supportive and empathetic. By the end of the two weeks, he had found humor and made life-long friends that had welcomed his presence. Etc.

I overcame health problems and over several years . As my health got better, I came to understand how I needed to contribute in a better way to the world. I went back to school and took 24 credits a semester and got my bachelor in 3 years. I worked part time and started a masters program. My marraige ended but I continued, My kids watched me struggle with classes and often not having a book and lack of needed computer. Many sacrifices were made and my kids did not complain that they did not have the material things that others did. I graduated with my masters but still needed to take a licensing exam, which I did and passed. I took a job that paid very well. I was now able to give my children some of the things that I had not been able to before. We could order pizza or go out to dinner. I could buy them a nice prom dress. I had a bright future and so much to look forward to. Only two years after-I had an accident and life changed drastically. My symptoms of ptsd returned. Its been 5 years now and I am still adjusting. (Im living in Poland) but trying to make the best of it.

I dont know your situation, lost job due to economy? but things are really temporary even though it is tough to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that it is difficult-but there is usually something to be valued in every circumstance if we look for it. When we fight it, we may never discover it. I have always been a very independent woman (do it myself attitude). I am finally discovering that this is an opportunity for me to discover that I need to let others help and do for me. That is tough for me to accept-but Im trying. Circumstances are not necessarily from ptsd-but ptsd sure does make circumstances harder to deal with-you are so right.
 
Thank you to all of you for your kind replies. This is the only "place" I actually feel understood. Last night, I ended up having a panic attack because the anxiety has been building and I had no outlet. My daughter being the sweet angel she is ran her fingers through my hair and gave me a note that God will solve all my problems and He can help us. She says she has been praying for us everyday. It brought a smile to my face to know that she doesn't think of me as a burden and at the young age of 8, she does what she can to help me.

Patience has never been a virtue of mine so these temporary lows really get to me. I lost my job due to budget cuts. I have a contract job right now but it's not even enough to make rent. I've always been very independent and hate asking for other people to help me out. I'm looking for another job which may mean I have to give up my career field (which I am very passionate about and earned my master's in) so that saddens me.

All of you are right when you say I need "me" time. Some friends are coming to visit in a couple days so hopefully that will help.
 
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