Feeling Like A Failure

[ronin47]

Please excuse me for a moment while I wallow in self pity.

So, I was an International Relations major here at college right? But I was doing very poorly at that. So I switched to Psychology. Well...today I met with one of my professors with whom I am/was taking a very important psychology class, and she told me, in summary, that I was doing so badly in the class that it was pretty much a guarantee I was not going to pass it and I should drop since there was no point in my continuing.

That was awfully depressing, needless to say. I feel like there's just nothing I'm good at and in my most melancholy moments I wonder if I shouldn't just give up on college all together and go work in retail. I just keep telling myself, "It's going to get better one of these days! One day, it's all going to come together." But it's obvious at this point that's just wishful thinking. Effort is clearly not enough. I just don't have the ability. I can talk the talk but not walk the walk. Maybe it is just me, maybe I'm not applying myself as much as I could. It's frustrating to me that I'm so lacking in motivation, as paradoxical as that probably sounds. People tell me things that are positive about me like; I'm easy to talk to, I'm great with kids, and I have a good sense of humor. But then I'm left thinking, "Well sure, put me on a stamp for that."

Sorry for whimpering guys, it just feels so hopeless. I honestly think I'm just wasting my mother's money at times.

Anyhow, words of advice and support would be appreciated. I'm going to go crawl into a hole.

 

[justwannabeme]

(((ronin)))
let's hope together that this gets better
can't offer advice, but a boat load of support from Nova Scotia here for ya! Take Care

 

[Innordinate]

What's the class?
I had a prof day one tell everyone that only like 10 out of the 40 of us would pass. She just thinks she's cool that's all.
I figured she just wanted to scare everyone so she wouldn't have to mark as many papers.
Just because they teach doesn't mean they know everything.
Maybe you can do some research project and get extra credit. Or re-do an exam.
I'd still say if you don't get your money back for dropping it, stay in it. At my Uni the profs didn't change their course work etc for the next year so even if you have to re-do it you've already got the gist of it...?

 

[Shelley_S]

Ronin, you would not have been accepted into college if no one thought you could make the grade. The best thing you could do for yourself is compile a list of questions related to whatever aspects of the syllabus you are having difficulty grasping and present them to your professor at the end of each lecture. If she is any good at teaching she won't spoon-feed you the answers, but rather pose the questions to you in different ways until you come up with the correct answer yourself.

If she persists in putting you down academically, polite tell her that her defeatist attitude is not helping you one bit and you would appreciate a little more effort on her part, since that is what you are paying your school fees for. I was struggling with a certain psychology topic myself and would have dropped out for sure if I had not taken this approach. I left it too late the first time around and failed my exam, but the next time around, after having harassed my professor on a daily basis for a whole semester, I walked away with a Distinction. Don't be afraid to harass them and pick their brains. It's what they are there for!

Take care & good luck,
Shelley

 

[Grace11]

Stories like yours make me regret even MORE that I did not pursue becoming a professor. This person should not be tearing you down. No one should ever try to dictate to you that there is no point in continuing your desired goal. My most beloved mentors are all teachers/professors. Even when they were tough as nails in class, they were genuine in person - caring. You deserve more than that from your education, and that professor isn't giving it to you. Don't give up if it's what you care about - you will find professors you admire or care about because they can actually relate to the real world.

 

[Abrasky]

I went to Uni like you. I got distinctions in my first year. At the end of the first year I suffered my major trauma and I started getting PTSD in my second year and failed that year. The professor told me that I may not pass, asked if I would like to step down and get a diploma instead of the degree version which I was going for. I said NO. I dug my feet in and said no matter what my education was not going to be effected by my PTSD, I was passing and despite severe difficulties from PTSD I did. I got a degree. With PTSD, (it was severe, I was on a high dose of antideppressants) I returned to education again and got an advanced certificate in something. I got a distinction. You can do it. And if you can't maybe don't be so hard on yourself. I haven't been able to conquer many things due to my PTSD. Like work. It's not a sign of weakness. It's a sign that you have been too strong for too long.

 

[Grace11]

It's a sign that you have been too strong for too long.

This is so great.

 

[ronin47]

Thank you very much everyone. It means a lot.

 

[Marine]

I know the feeling. I am back in University right now. I have those professors too. Some are very understanding and some are just I don't know what. But like others have said, you made it this far, you got in and accepted to college. It's a big thing. It shows your able and capable. Don't let this thing bring you down. Did you try talking to the professor? Sometimes it helps a lot. Some professors have an attitude that every student is up to no good, but when you talk to them it sometimes helps. I remember this one professor during my first semester, she always reduced my points on presentations because I had difficulty remembering things and had to use flash cards. Her rule was never to use flash cards and to give presentations without any thing in front of you. For me, that was quite hard as most of the time I was thinking all over the place and had memory issues and concentrations problems due to PTSD. I had to explain to her my circumstances and she apologized and re-evaluated my grades for all the extra effort I put in. One time she assigned a paper that was 5 pages long and for some reason my memory did not grasp it. I ended up doing 15 pages detailed paper somehow, I don't know how. But it beat everyone elses' paper and she was amused that I put in that much effort after speaking with her. I actually went to her during her office hours for extra help to show that I am trying. That helped me even more. But in the end I went form a low C to an A. Wish you well and good luck with everything. Stay motivated, don't be demotivated over this. Motivation spreads fast and helps you conquer all classes. Don't let this bring you down and mess with you. Don't let it affect any of your other classes. The key is never to give up no matter what.

 

[cakey]

Worst comes to worst you fail a class. You can always retake it and replace that grade. Either way if you are paying for it you might as well stay in it and learn as much as you can. Just because your not good at something off the bat doesn't mean you don't love it and can't do it.

I dropped out of college after the climax of my traumas. Wandered the streets for 6 months then got back into it at a low stress community college. College is hard! Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. College is extra hard with PTSD. It's worth it though, and once you find your niche and get into the groove it can actually be a nice escape from symptoms in my experience.

For me I sat down one day and thought, "where was I the most comfortable and did my best in high-school". It was the chemistry lab's, I really shined in those, so that's what I changed my major too. Not saying you should do the same thing, but it's always a good thing to think about.

Trust me I've had days of wanting to give up completely, wanting to cry in the middle of tests/classes. I still don't have much to show for it, but I can tell you this, it's worth sticking with it especially if you already started it(that's the hardest part).

 

[Copper Stope]

That suggestion sounds every proactive. Set an appointment with you instructor. If there's a way to learn what other students have to say, perhaps in group study where a generic conversation could give you an idea of what's their experience. I flunked two classes in college, it still stings so I am aware now of how that baggage has held me back. I am being more gentle to myself and forgiving myself. Still feel prickly about the public humiliation in nursing college. No names were mentioned but the instructor read off the tally; thevast majority made As, many Bs,...one F! People gasped and looked at each in shock, in disbelief. I felt like a failure, an abomination, ashamed, unworthy, a failure. I was a single parent of a three year old and was suffering from sleep deprivation. Those instructors also were cruel and unethical to me in the newborn clinic. I changed majors. Several years later a single parent man shoot six nursing instructors and one or two died. I was more accepting of the dignified way I took a major disappointment after I heard about the shootings. But I believe I went wrong by not forgiving myself or them. Love yourself. You're ambitious and intelligent. In the biz world, self made bizmen do not use the word failure because the always learn from experiences and find the hidden opportunity resulting from the set back. Go forth and live with passion. You're in good hands.

 

[BloomInWinter]

There's a stark difference between failing a class and BEING a failure.

So that class or subject isn't your thing. Maybe the timing, the teacher, the subject, things in your life....

It's painful right now but the long view is it's just a minor setback in the grand future in store for you....and I HOPE my kids fail some things and learn to not take it as a sign of their failure as a person but as a guidepost that 'this path, not the best for me. What else is out there?'

I'd happily pay for those 'failures' if they use them to good effect.

Keep trying more....you'll find something that sets your brain alight with curiosity and you'll be on your way.