Feeling like an impostor

[maybeiamabear]

so well i think the apt word to describe how i feel is an impostor - i just feel so angry and overwhelmed from within. Usually the last two years, my work day used to end by 5 PM in the evening and now it does not. It stretches a little bit. I feel terribly lonely to deal with this - it's not work, it's this fear. I don't know if it is fear of being unemployed or if it is fear of working with the wrong people. A lot of my friends lately have strongly advocated not working with my current employers because according to them they are insecure people and not honest. May be my friends are right but last seven years of my life - when things got really got bad, my friends were not really around - they were all in different cities or countries, living their independent lives. And only after these seven years when I have begun to gather some stability in life - I have felt this immense pressure from outside that hey I should change my job because I can do better, earn more etc etc

Hey but those are not my goals - I want to live a slow life, I am happy where I am - I don't want to rush into new things or new ideas - I have built my life through a lot of pain and trauma and finally when things are slowly getting better - I am supposed to leave everything and go, in the hopes of finding something even better? I don't seek for something more better

I just want to be happy where I am and celebrate how far I have come and cry and hug someone I love - I really just need my people and these friends honestly don't seem to be my people because if they were - where were they when I was living in so much pain.

The fact that they do not understand trauma or won't bother to says something about them too.

I am happy living in my cocoon and I don't want to go out of it.

 

[sidptitala]

What you are saying here makes a lot of sense to me. If you want to make changes, it should be at your own pace and coming from you (ie something you do because you are bored and want to change). I really understand relishing stability in a way that people who have always had it don't.

I have built my life through a lot of pain and trauma and finally when things are slowly getting better - I am supposed to leave everything and go, in the hopes of finding something even better?

This seems really important and a good sign to stay doing exactly what you are doing. If you're slowly getting better, that's a good sign to stay doing what you are doing, and trust that if you are meant to change, you will start to want to.

No one else can ever really know what is right for you as much as you can.

 

[maybeiamabear]

No one else can ever really know what is right for you as much as you can.

:') I guess - hopefully I will feel peaceful from within again very soon.

 

[arfie]

i did a quick web search to see if, "imposter syndrome" is still a thing. the rapid cycling dialect of psychiatry often makes it so much of my early therapy has disappeared and/or morphed into some other word set. i underwent allot of therapy for the imposter syndrome in the 70/80's when i was making that transition from my prison family birthright to college and career. i didn't read far enough to see if the theories are what i am remembering, but, yes, it is still a thing.

Hey but those are not my goals - I want to live a slow life, I am happy where I am - I don't want to rush into new things or new ideas

this notion would have appalled me back when i was receiving that early therapy. fast forward half a century and "small steps, big faith and lots of prayer" is a motto i live by. big, hurried steps get me into trouble every time. more so for trying to accomplish goals set by other people. it is good to keep an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out.

love all
trust few
always paddle your own canoe.

 

[maybeiamabear]

it is good to keep an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out.

Hahaha, bestttt! :)