Childhood Feeling Like Your Childhood Was Taken Away From You?

[KwanYingirl]

When I tell my story at AA or anywhere else, it starts at age 17-when I went to college and got the hell out of my house. That's the now me, I spent so long repressed it's taking forever to put together a personal history of my childhood. Of course the rapes are never forgotten, just everything else.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My childhood never existed and I am very slow to learn as an adult. Both of my parents are dead which I am so glad I do not have to deal with them. The one good thing that came out of the abuse is that I am a very responsible adult now. I had nine years of therapy and have worked through most of my issues, but when I was in therapy and confronting the abuse by both of my parents I was so full of rage.

There is hope though, as you continue to work on yourself the time will come when you will begin to have many good days. PTSD is not for sissys so I commend you for your bravery, courage and inner strength to have survived.

What was stolen can never be replaced, but it is never to late to have your needs and wants met for fun and safety that you will provide for yourself.

I have much empathy for what you are going through right now and my heart goes out to you. I hope the best things come for you in your healing and recovery process. It does get better though.

 

[Orglethorp]

I'll never hate parts of that childhood because they are the reason I breathe now, because /something/ back then was good enough to persuade me life's worth it.

I agree, and that's how I feel now, but I'd still never want to repeat it.

 

[shimmerz]

My childhood, my teenage-hood and my adulthood. Childhood is about having fun (I think????). I still have a hard time having fun as an adult. I have no idea 'how'. Messed up.

 

[rightkindofme]

I am making a lot of choices as a parent to counteract the damage from not having a childhood. Reparenting is a thing. You can do a lot to help yourself "learn" the right thing by teaching the right thing to someone else.

I read parenting books and child development books constantly trying to determine the "right thing". I'm learning a lot. I'm doing so much better than I used to do.

 

[The Albatross]

I'm over it. I didn't have the opportunity for a childhood. I got what I got. But that, in my view was what the rest of my life is for, to work through it and get what I can muster of the life I want and perhaps deserved.

I knew a whole host of kids in my neighborhood who had problems... some as bad as mine, some not... some worse. So as I saw it, I didn't have much to get angry about. I just needed to figure out a way out and to be able to try to deal with it.

 

[Hansgrohe]

@rightkindofme I've learned that corporal punishment should be best avoided. In fact, my dad has actually realized this. If I ever have a child, I want to treat that person with respect and dignity.

Wow! I'm definitely not alone!

I think the problem that all of us have consequently suffered as a result from our trauma is the lack of a foundation. I'm not necessarily talking about not knowing in general (although knowing what to do and where to go can definitely be issues), but lacking a kind of stable "base". For example, I don't have that many close personal friends to begin with, and when you get to 11th, 12th grade, it becomes really difficult to forge relationships in high school, particularly due to cliques and norms being well-established. I've had friends who have backstabbed me and (figuratively) live me on the pavement. Not fun situations to deal with. It's almost like being an orphan.

I think another thing that occurs is some form of jealousy. You just can't help but envy living something that at least had a much more stable situation than the one that you were forced in. I know I have often wondered about how it would've been like if I were just a "normal" teenager who didn't have to go through so much crap in the system, and was able to get along with others just fine. At the same time though, I have learned that these scares can be motivators, and I've started to look at them instead of weaknesses but rather as wills to win.

Thank you for your responses.

 

[SeanCharles]

I knew a whole host of kids in my neighborhood who had problems... some as bad as mine, some not... some worse. So as I saw it, I didn't have much to get angry about. I just needed to figure out a way out and to be able to try to deal with it.

In my case, a group of kids down the street including one kinda across the street from me used to bully me and possibly others in the neighborhood! This definitely added fuel to my already existing trauma.

 

[rightkindofme]

Childhood is hard. Most of the people I envied because I thought they had it better... well.. they had it different. I was projecting onto them a lot more than was real. Other people were dealing with awful too.

I'm pretty self absorbed though and it takes a while before I notice that people are freaking out because of their own stuff and not because I am a monster who should be freaked-out-at. If that makes sense.

 

[Ronin]

^^
I had a period of time I compared myself to everybody I met. That running through comparison game and what ifs and 'do I measure up' swallowed me alive a little. Better avoided if one can even remotely help it. It brings up only frustration and tears and sense of isolation ime, none of which are very productive to healing.

 

[KwanYingirl]

At my tenth high school reunion a set of twins that were perfect and friendly and beautiful told me they slept with knives under their pillows to protect themselves from their abusive step father (very rich dude). So you never know what others are coping with. They had each other and they banished their mother from their lives way back when.

 

[MissKB]

I definitely feel like my childhood was taken from me. Then it seems you spend your whole adult life coping with that loss and reliving some AWFUL memories. They say you have to go to that innerchild and show them love and understanding. How do we do that? I don't know what correctly defines love and understanding.