Feeling Lonely And Hopeless

[Ocelot]

Hi, I'm new here, I was diagnosed with PTSD 5 years ago after a really bad assault. To make matters worse, I then got into a relationship which turned out to be abusive physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally that definitely made my PTSD worse. I used to have a lot of confidence and I was generally an optimistic person that loved being around other people. All of that is gone now. The last time I spend a night out with friends was 7 months ago. I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't have any friends anymore or anyone to talk to in general. I feel like I'm living in solitary confinement. I live where the trauma happened, so that's literally all I think about 24/7. I even run into some of the people that hurt me, which makes me more depressed and angry. I took a trip to Miami for my birthday and that was the most exciting thing to happen to me in years. I had very little anxiety there, but as soon as I got back home, fear paralyzed me. I don't want to talk to anyone where I live now; I want to move somewhere else and completely start over where people don't know me and I don't know them. I'm so overwhelmed by so many different things. I feel so hopeless and stressed right now and I feel my depression progressively getting worse. I have health problems I'm pretty sure are related to ptsd/stress but one of the things bothering me the most is, I read ptsd can cause infertility issues. I want to have a family one day, and I feel like that's never going to happen. I feel like PTSD is slowly taking away any chance of a future. I know I keep jumping all over the place and what I'm writing may not be making a lot of sense, but does anyone have any solutions for getting some confidence back? Are there any other women with PTSD that struggled with infertility? I try and talk to my mom about how I feel, she's literally the only person I talk to anymore, and she yells at me and makes me feel worse so I gave up trying to talk to her. I feel so alone, but I don't know how to reach out to people anymore. I lost all of my social skills in my last "relationship." Some days I want to give up fighting through this. I don't know what to do anymore because I feel like I've been robbed of any chance for a future or a family. Also, does anyone have suggestions for making friends? I have a really hard time relating to people and I get irritated with a lot of people (I was never like this before, this frustrates me so much). I want to start dating again too, but I'm scared that nobody will understand why I'm like this and they won't want to be with me. I also feel like if I am infertile, no one would want to be with me anyway. Does anyone have some advice for dating/intimacy? I'm scared that someone will use me or hurt me again. Another part of me wants to go back to the guy that abused me, but that scares me. I know that's not what I want but I feel so desperate to not be alone anymore.

 

[EveHarrington]

Hi, and welcome to the forum! :)

Are you currently seeing a trauma therapist who can help you move forward with your healing?

 

[Ocelot]

Hi, and thank you!

I was seeing one, but it made me even more depressed so I stopped going.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Hi Ocelot. I can relate to so many aspects that you write about. The Diary Journals here are an amazing connection to individuals that become friends through shared life experiences, ups and downs, how to deal with them, and ok to just be yourself. And a wealth of current info on everything PTSD, treatment modalities, meds, life in general. You are not alone here.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think it might be a good idea to give therapy another try. Most of the time therapy isn't much fun (at least for me anyway) but it does help me work through my issues/struggles so that my overall quality of life is better.

A therapist could also give you another means of support. It can be difficult for friends/family to support us at times as our struggles can be so great that they can overwhelm our loved ones.

I think it's great that you have awesome plans for your life! I think that it starts with making ourselves the best we can be. Many of us with PTSD struggle with friendships and relationships. I'm personally not ready for another relationship at this time but I'm working in that direction. I think that if you take the time to focus on your own healing now that later on you'll find that relationships are a bit easier to find and maintain.

Please don't go back to your ex! I know being lonely just plain stinks but in all honesty I think that being alone is a million times better than being with an abusive person. Going back to him will likely increase your symptoms.

 

[cat-lady]

It took me a few tries at therapy to find the right therapist but it was worth it. I also have more symptoms depending on where I live, especially if it's some place where abuse happened. I found that moving was worth it but only when you're ready for such a big change. Welcome to the site!

 

[Ocelot]

Hi changeling! Thanks for letting me know, I'll check it out!

 

[Ocelot]

Eve, you're right. I feel like that would be good means of support for me right now. I'll keep looking for a therapist but I want to make sure that I feel completely comfortable with them before I get back into it.

I've been thinking about my ex and I'm not going to go back to him, I really don't want my symptoms getting worse. It's not worth it.

 

[Ocelot]

Hi cat lady! Thanks for the welcome! I feel like moving would help me out a lot. I'm definitely going to look for a therapist.

 

[Whyteferret]

Good therapists let you set the pace and won't push you to talk about trauma.

One thing a therapist might help with some coping skills or stress relief.

Welcome to the forum. There are people who you can connect with here.

I get the fear and isolation. It can tak so much effort to just go somewhere. Don't give up hope

 

[Ocelot]

Hi whyteferret! Thanks for the welcome!

 

[ladee]

Welcome ! You are in the right place, glad you found us.... I do hope you find a T you can be comfortable with, understanding this takes time also.. and yes , sometimes it gets bad right at first in therapy... because we are finally at the place, that getting it out is less painful than keeping it in...
We all have felt, or are feeling now what you described... you are not alone.