Feeling lost after emdr

[Sally B]

Hi,
I recently put my talk therapy on hold and went for 6 sessions of emdr for ptsd. I was witness to an accident and the death of a friend 24 years ago, and my therapist and I were stuck so she suggested emdr.

The sessions were ok. I never felt unsafe and just focused on 1 memory for.most of it, and it did shift stuck somatic/trauma energy.

But now, 6 weeks after emdr and back with.my long term therapist I feel really disassociated from even recalling the accident and there's just this huge blank. I found the work exhausting and was very overwhelmed at the time.

My question is, is this something that has happened to others after emdr?
Is it common to feel everything is erased?
Will it all settle down and is it just my psyche protecting me?

Any experience or thoughts would be appreciated as I'm feeling really lost with it. Thankyou, Sally.

 

[Friday]

My question is, is this something that has happened to others after emdr?
Is it common to feel everything is erased?
Will it all settle down and is it just my psyche protecting me?

That’s something that happens to me when I’ve done too much, too fast. It’s like a giant featureless white wall of ice forms that Incan get no purchase on. Spanning to infinity in all directions. Even memories I couldn’t stop remembering & reliving? Poof. Gone behind the wall. It’s a type of disassociation, bordering on traumatic amnesia, is incredibly vexing, and can last months if I keep pushing.

Lower my stress levels, increase my coping mechanisms, work on my life/balance skills, etc. & the internal defense mechanism relaxes, so I can process the rest of what the wall was keeping out. Unless I push too hard/ too fast, again, and the wall blinks back into existence.

 

[Sally B]

That’s something that happens to me when I’ve done too much, too fast. It’s like a giant featureless white wall of ice forms that Incan get no purchase on. Spanning to infinity in all directions. Even memories I couldn’t stop remembering & reliving? Poof. Gone behind the wall. It’s a type of disassociation, bordering on traumatic amnesia, is incredibly vexing, and can last months if I keep pushing.

Lower my stress levels, increase my coping mechanisms, work on my life/balance skills, etc. & the internal defense mechanism relaxes, so I can process the rest of what the wall was keeping out. Unless I push too hard/ too fast, again, and the wall blinks back into existence.

Thanks, that makes sense, and good to hear someone else's experience. I appreciate your helpful words, and take care of yourself on this difficult journey

 

[enough]

not my experience really. I can recall what I can recall, same as ever, but there are added nuances and guilt/acceptance reversals, like the memory is here and now but used to be in the moment and heavily laced with the danger of emotional upheaval. If there are awful parts I don't remember that's great, but I doubt it cause I remember plenty still, horrifying shit that could be removed, ok with me. just less horrifying now maybe.

 

[arfie]

hello sally b. welcome to the forum.

Is it common to feel everything is erased?

it is normal-for-me. my most intensive therapy happened before EMDR formalized into a treatment plan, but that empty feel has accompanied every single one of my therapy breakthroughs. early into my therapy i feared that healing would leave me with more holes than a piece of swiss cheese. it took a tremendous amount of faith and trust to believe that those holes would leave room to develop a healthier, more complete me. and so it was. the track record has been strong enough that i am beginning to wonder if i can rename that empty feeling as, "serenity." healing happened. i am ready to face whatever is next.

steadying support while you discover what ^it^ is for you. welcome aboard.

 

[Sally B]

hello sally b. welcome to the forum.

it is normal-for-me. my most intensive therapy happened before EMDR formalized into a treatment plan, but that empty feel has accompanied every single one of my therapy breakthroughs. early into my therapy i feared that healing would leave me with more holes than a piece of swiss cheese. it took a tremendous amount of faith and trust to believe that those holes would leave room to develop a healthier, more complete me. and so it was. the track record has been strong enough that i am beginning to wonder if i can rename that empty feeling as, "serenity." healing happened. i am ready to face whatever is next.

steadying support while you discover what ^it^ is for you. welcome aboard.

Thanks for those words, I think you're right, that emptiness if seen as serenity can strengthen and steady the space, the emptiness and that the healing is happening beneath, and to have faith.
This has been so helpful, the couple of replies I've had here, just to hear other voices. I wish you happiness and healing.

 

[sidptitala]

is this something that has happened to others after emdr?
Is it common to feel everything is erased?

For me, yes and no.

In general, it really helped me to remember things I had completely walled off in another part of my brain. I could actually talk, think and feel about those events after emdr (I couldn't before).

That’s something that happens to me when I’ve done too much, too fast. It’s like a giant featureless white wall of ice forms that Incan get no purchase on. Spanning to infinity in all directions. Even memories I couldn’t stop remembering & reliving? Poof. Gone behind the wall. It’s a type of disassociation, bordering on traumatic amnesia, is incredibly vexing,

But then I got overwhelmed by remembering too much, and now I think I'm a bit blank about the memories we worked on after I got overwhelmed. Like what @Friday is talking about.

I'm thinking I wasn't ready to finish emdr, but also needed to stabilise my life before doing more emdr. Do you feel finished with emdr?

 

[Sally B]

For me, yes and no.

In general, it really helped me to remember things I had completely walled off in another part of my brain. I could actually talk, think and feel about those events after emdr (I couldn't before).



But then I got overwhelmed by remembering too much, and now I think I'm a bit blank about the memories we worked on after I got overwhelmed. Like what @Friday is talking about.

I'm thinking I wasn't ready to finish emdr, but also needed to stabilise my life before doing more emdr. Do you feel finished with emdr?

Hi,
I think for now I do feel finished with it. I felt it brought a lot up of suppressed emotions and I need to give myself time to allow those. At the moment they are unreachable though, hence the erased feeling, so I just need to really take it steady and slowly work with my regular therapist.
So, I get what you're saying about the overwhelm and the blankness. These memories and emotions are so powerful, and need such gentle handling. I went to emdr guns blazing, and I would not do that again, but maybe if I need to I would find another emdr therapist, as it helped at the time to lessen the ptsd symptoms.
Do you feel it helped you? And I wonder how it will be when the overwhelm
lessens. Take care of yourself.

 

[Freddyt]

Overdoing it with EMDR is easy to do. The problem usually is until we overdo it - we don't know what overdoing it feels like. And it's easy to get flooded.

It's why I do several types of therapy because some seemingly little EMDR thing can set off an avalanche. You just don't know, so having other things to do is helpful.

My favorite mental picture is that PTSD is like a beaver dam. Therapy is taking it apart, one stick (one memory) at a time. The problem with emdr is, what seems to be a little stick, might be part of a big tree. And thats the problem, until you pull on it you don't know.

There is a bunch of great stuff in the articles on this site. I went through them all when I first came here. There are lots of tools we need that we don't start out with but we can acquire that help that you can learn about in those articles.

 

[Sally B]

Overdoing it with EMDR is easy to do. The problem usually is until we overdo it - we don't know what overdoing it feels like. And it's easy to get flooded.

It's why I do several types of therapy because some seemingly little EMDR thing can set off an avalanche. You just don't know, so having other things to do is helpful.

My favorite mental picture is that PTSD is like a beaver dam. Therapy is taking it apart, one stick (one memory) at a time. The problem with emdr is, what seems to be a little stick, might be part of a big tree. And thats the problem, until you pull on it you don't know.

There is a bunch of great stuff in the articles on this site. I went through them all when I first came here. There are lots of tools we need that we don't start out with but we can acquire that help that you can learn about in those articles.

Thanks,
That's a really good analogy with the Beaver dam.
I've been having a read through some articles, and it's really helpful. Thankyou for your reply. Take good care