Feeling Lost

[lost girl]

hi. i'm new here and just looking for some support. i am having a very difficult time coping right now. i am in tremendous pain. i am going through / reliving some trauma from childhood (sexual abuse) and my sweetheart was there for me and so kind. until i accidentally triggered him. now he thinks i'm the antichrist and i know it will be at least two days before he stops hating me. it's hard enough when i'm not going through my own stuff, but i recently got triggered badly and had almost come back to sorta-okay mode and now my sweetheart is somebody else - angry, isolating, tyranical and spiteful.

it hurts it hurts it hurts.

i have a hard enough time dealing with my own trauma, and then my world has gotten so small as i try not to trip his wires too. no friends can come to the house. no internet friends. nobody can no where i live.

when things are good things are so good. when things are bad it feels like the world is ending.

i think i may have to give up the relationship but i don't want to. he understands me, my trauma, my weirdness, my triggers, my boundaries. and he loves me when he's not triggered. but it's so hard to be so isolated and have him turn on a dime with anger and not even see me for me anymore.

i don't know how much i should be expected to put up with or how much i should reasonably ask for as his ptsd rules every day of his life. i don't want to leave him. i don't want to be miserable. love and trust have been things i'm so unable to give, and with him i have been able to. and now i'm so crushed.

i guess i'm wondering if ptsd people can even be with other ptsd people and if there are people out there who have had to leave a ptsd person due to the person's anger and volatility.

also for those who are with a ptsd person, do you hem in your entire life to avoid any triggers for your partner? or do you live life as normally as possible and let them *deal* with their reactions to it? I tend to go the first route, but i think it's limiting my life and maybe not ultimately helping him. but the second way seems pretty callous to me too.

anyway, hi everybody.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Mercy]

Dear lost girl,
:hello:
Welcome. I'm glad you posted here. There are lots of compassionate people here ready to listen.

Your questions especially about how to be with a loved one when you both have PTSD are tough. For myself, I couldn't have begun to do my own recovery work. I know I would have been so wrapped up in trying to please my husband. I would have had to stuff all my needs and memories all back down because male anger was very dangerous for me and is part of my own PTSD.

I'm not surprised that your world has gotten so small. But it is also defined by his needs. Isolation is a very common tactic for most of us. At first it feels like a relief to shut out most of our triggers. It gave me a false sense of control over my life. But that was a lie. The trauma was what kept me shut in. Although, there are days when I know I need to isolate just to regroup. And I still live in a small world out of fear.

We are here for you and will support you as best we can, whatever you decide is good for you. For me, I feel that I would need to recognize that I couldn't 'fix' my mate or even help him really. If your pain in your situation keeps you from being able to recover yourself..............only you and your therapist, if you have one, can work this out. Maybe a mutually agreed on separation just for a while could help you get a clearer picture of how to go forward?

Would you like to be prayed for?

 

[void]

:hello:Welcome lost girl,
? #1: Should love hurt as badly as this relationship is hurting you?
? #2: Is it a loving thing to do for your bf to be tyranical, to forbid you to have friends, to forbid you to even disclose where you live?

You know the answer to both is no. Your bf is being abusive to you. You deserve to be treated well and you are not being treated well.

I now have 8 psychiatric disorders and I am gentle and kind with my wife. I respect her and I never yell at her. She is free to do as she pleases. I hold her in my arms every day and tell her I love her and she treats me this way as well. I am in control of my behavior even though I am very ill.

Look at the difference between your situation and mine. Love does NOT hurt like hell. I am sending you a safe cyber:Hug_emoticon: and I am sad to hear of your deep pain.

Void:smile:

 

[blue_eyed_angel]

Welcome to the forum lost girl :) I am with someone who has PTSD. And I personally am aware of what triggers him or sets him off. So I try to avoid anything that will set off the two. But at the same time I try to live a life as normally as possible!! There are things that I do for him that he don't like to do. As in going to a store. He can't handle the crowds. Umm.. I would never isolate myself or turn into someone that I am not just to be in our relationship. He tells me all the time to do whatever I want! That I am my own person. He also tells me that we are together because we choose to be but at the same time I can't put my life on hold because of him. When we first started dating, I won't lie I thought "oh my gosh" what have I gotten myself into. But for some strange reason we have an unspoken understanding when it comes to the other one. But anyways. I hope that you find the forum very helpful :)

 

[Vickym]

Hi lost girl,

I have to agree with blue eyed angel on a lot of this. When my bf moved in I learned what his triggers are and to be honest after 11 months I am still learning. I do try to make things as easy as possible by not setting him off. But I also live life. My bf doesnt like people to know where he lives a lot of that is the military in him coming from a combat zone. You still have to live life. I got an info packet from the VA. Transitioning From the War Zone: Information for Veterans and Those Who Care. I found it very helpful and it really answered a lot of the question I had about certain situations. I wish you the best of luck!