Feeling Shit

[Deleted member 28403]

Just that, about all I got to say. I feel like shit.

I just feel the old damn depression cycle starting up again, and that is no good.
The f*cking cycle of shit. The equal exchange, keeping me at negative zero or lower. For every single good thing that happens to me, I repay equally or more. I hate that.

The bad stuff that was before, just repeating. And years of suffering to go :(

UGH

Well, this was me last year, around the time I joined and this site saved my life (for the first time)
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/what-is-wrong-with-me.49270/
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/fk-this-fk-that-fk-everything.48799/
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/parents-are-assholes.48742/
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/my-pain.48531/
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/voices.48395/
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-seasons-upon-us-cry.49664/
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/why-why-what-did-i-do-wrong.49525/
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/i-hate-myself.49368/
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/feeling-like-a-randomizer.49851/

Thank you for reading

Btw, a bit of update, I've been off benzos for a while.

 

[Stickler]

3 ideas:
One, if you can scavenge one, get a light and equip it with a full spectrum bulb. You can get a full spectrum bulb at a pet store or order one, get one for lizards that need heavy UV.
If you have depression due to lack of full-spectrum light, this will help.

I think you are already training in martial arts? If you are not? Do that if at all possible!

Zen Buddhist breathing meditation may help, 10 minutes a day.

 

[Ronin]

Other idea -

I noticed you mention your self worth alternates greatly depending on how you eat -

So is there something you can alter in your eating habits that would make you overall more comfortable?

Thinking that might be a step up, 'small' change changing a lot of the day, and something that gives you a sense of control over your life.

 

[Stickler]

In case it needed saying: your parents are nuts. You are a smart guy with a lot going for you.

 

[Ronin]

And in case that needs saying:

^ implies nothing they say about you, your personality, your skills, your decisions, and so on, is spot on, because their criticism isn't based in reason.