Relationship Feeling Stuck And Hopeless With Combat Ptsd Husband

[StuckWithHim]

The jist of it:

Hubby just got out of the Marines after almost 9 years. He was a grunt (infantry) who did 3 tours, 2 of which were extremely rough and have giving him horrible PTSD. He just finished a 3 year duty as a DI which I feel made him even worse.

I have put up with the roller coaster for five years now but I'm at the point where I feel like walking away. He loves me to death, loves our children to death and works hard to provide for us; however, his lack of emotions and his intolerance for even the littlelest things on top of his constant drinking are taking its toll on our relationship and family. He gets verbally abusive and down right mean to my children and I when he is having one of his episodes. I feel like I'm raising our children on my own and I'm constantly walking on egg shells around him not wanting to trigger an episode. He has a horrible implode/explode problem. And he's an alcoholic. He admits to needing help but has entirely way too much pride to get it. So we all just suffer. I don't think it's healthy for my children to grow up in this way of life and I don't think I deserve it either. If he won't get help but knows without it, our family is being destroyed, why should I stay? On the other hand, I know I am his rock, I am his life. If I leave, I fear he will get to the absolute worse and kill himself.

How do you convince the most hard headed man to get help??

I'm desperate!!

 

[intothelight]

Hi StuckWithHim,

I sense your frustration and would strongly suggest you get some type of support so you can sort this out. You can't "make" him get help, and only you can make the decisions that are best for yourself and your children. The reason I suggest getting help for yourself is to deal with the fears you have about his potential for harming himself. That is tough to deal with by yourself.

Obviously, if you ever feel that you or your children are in danger, that is a time to leave. I hope you find some peace.

Debbie

 

[reddevil1111]

As a former Marine with ptsd that is going through a divorce with kids I can tell you it sucks. The divorce part really hurts and my wife decided to lash out and become very vengeful. I was seeking help for my ptsd prior to the divorce but things got worse before they started to get better and she didn't wait around for the better part.

Its your marriage and you have to figure it out. But understand that even if he gets help he will never be cured and he will never be able to walk away from it. There is a sister site to this one called mycombatptsd I am a member there and it has helped out a lot. Get him to join and watch the PTSD combat video together it can help explain his stressors and why he is acting the way he does.

The booze is a self medicating part of the injury. He does it to forget pain and to relive stress. Once he learns how to manage stress and identify the reasons why he gets upset or full of rage, he should be able to see what he is doing to himself with the booze. A lot of combat PTSD guys just go cold turkey off booze once they find better ways to cope. Its not about the alcohol, its about the pain.

Baby steps. it takes a lot of time to learn how to manage this. It takes even longer to show signs of improvement.

I wish you luck. Its not easy.

 

[StuckWithHim]

Thank you so much! I told him I would never leave him but over this last weekend which happened to be the anniversary of one his fallen brothers that died in his arms, I just finally had enough. And I agree, I don't think there is a cure and I will always expect some PTSD to exist in his mind. I just really hope he seeks treatment. The transition out of the Corps isn't helping either, he thought he would be much happier, but I can tell he is beyond stressed! I'm trying my best to be there for him and be his rock, but when I get lashed out at for no good reason, I get pissed! I will definitely check out that site you suggested and hopefully he will be open to looking at it as well.

 

[marc and honey]

I spent 10 years army, 3 combat ops, PTS from the 2 tour. Vet centers seem to have pretty good counslers, they are free and their ALL veterans them self. Maybe he would like to check out the combat PTSD forum. They have been great help for me especially since getting out last year.

 

[myvetswife]

I was in the same situation StuckWithHim.

He would not see he needes help. It got all too much and I left him. He tried to commit suicide and I saved him. I called the cops and he got put into a mental hospital on the save ward for about 1 month.

It took its time for him to even realise he need help and it took time to be willing and open to take it. I only took him back into my live when I saw he was willing to change his live.

We are back together again. There are still days where I is not in a good place. But now he can tell me. We learnt to take to each other about feelings. He can feel again.

So there is hope!