Feeling Utterly Pathetic

[quic]

Awesome! Your dream speaks volumes.

You accepted who he is and what he did. You allowed yourself to be angry at him. You acknowledge what he thought of you. None of those are pleasant things to think about, but you did it!! Way to go. One last thing that appears in your dream, your father. What a strong symbol. We all long for the protection of the father in our lives. We want someone to stand up for us, to fight for us. It does not mean we are weak when we need a father. Look around you, who is that strong wise person you look to for father like strength? That person can help you find the strength that is already inside you.

 

[blackemerald1]

CrazyHorse what an interesting dream. Perhaps the massage did even more than you think because releasing that tension can go a long way to feeling better not just physically but also mentally and emotionally. You are right you laid the blame at the feet of the perpetrator regardless of his behaviour towards you. You stood tall in your dream and obviously woke feeling better not just from the wonderful sleep but the empowering dream.

I know that you have no control over what you dream about, nobody does (I think). But even so, harness the energy and positive emotions that have come from this and keep standing tall.

Good luck
blackemerald1

 

[CrazyHorse]

Thank you all!

The body sds treatment and the dream was a sucsess :-) And I am very happy about that. I am still struggeling though. With PTSD it sometimes feel that when you take one step forward, you take two back. I am feeling better in the way that I am able to work on my thesis again, and some days I even ride my bike to the faculty to work on it there. But somehow I do not experience the triumph it is to 'get back on the horse' and do the work I am supposed to do. I do not feel the least bit 'normal' again as I hoped I would. I feel like I have lost all joy and feel like a prisoner captured by my own thoughts.

I will just keep fighting and hoping it will all get better soon :-)

My best to all of you! :hug:

 

[blackemerald1]

I understand the feeling of loss you are experiencing, I have never felt the same since I was injured and the PTSD that followed has robbed me of those lovely feelings you speak of. But, if you keep working on your thesis and try and think of a couple of things that were good about the day you might be able to claim something back. It is hard I know, but don't take your down days as normal even if they persist. Keep moving forward and good luck.

 

[CrazyHorse]

Thank you very much for your support blackemerald1

 

[blackemerald1]

No worries Crazyhorse, just remember you are not alone in times of grief and loss. They are very real feelings they are truly happening, not a figment of your imagination, rather a change in brain chemicals and other changes.. You are such an intelligent and motivated person. I am sure you will feel a bit better when you get your thesis finished. They are such massive documents and with the research and everything that goes into them, it is a big deal. Well done for getting back into it.

Kind regards
bblackemerald1:)

 

[blackemerald1]

CrazyHorse, I think the fact that you dreamed this particular event where the rapist was 'outed' by you and in front of people who are important to you is a significant event. And I agree with quic your father throwing him out is also important. I don't know what dreams are for or what they mean, I would never presume to know that. But, the fact that it was a dream might show a shift in your beliefs about the incident moving towards the positive and that must be good.

 

[quic]

I think dreams are a way the mind can process difficult emotions. Last week I had a similar dream experience to you Crazyhorse. I have never before had a dream about the man who raped my wife, but for the first time last week, I did. And like your dream, I was able to confront him and take some revenge for what he did. In my waking mind I have always pushed away thoughts of anger or revenge, out of fear of what may become of it. But in dreams I can let the true feelings come out safely. Since that dream I have been a little different, much more aware of the deeper anger I avoided dealing with. Thank you for sharing your dream. In some way your story gave my mind permission to dream what i feared the most.