Fight With My Therapist

[Freedomfighter]

I've written a little here about some tensions between my therapist and me over the last several mon...

Do you have periods within your therapy program where you are just allowed to think things over and determine what happened in your life, how things are progressing? Because I think that you may just be overwhelmed by too much. Might sound odd, but everyone needs that time to think about factors within themselves to figure things out. Because sometimes I think I have learned something, and then a couple of days it hits me like a ton of bricks and I can only shake my head when I figure out what happened in the past that caused my trauma.

Perhaps to allow yourself to think things over, even without a therapist, might enable you to simply relax a little and to let your brain figure out when it is ready to decipher some of these traumatic mysteries.

You may also be surprised that a therapist can be seen by another family member as a threat. And if you are in a difficult relationship that person may actually not have a good view of another person that is there. It is not normal thinking for a partner to think like that but I bet that happens.

 

[whiteraven]

Hi @Freedomfighter. Interesting you bring this up. I don't really think i have much of an opportunity to process much of anything. I feel like I'm constantly in survival mode, especially lately. I can't seem to catch a break. Hard to work on past stuff when I can't get the present to leave me alone. ;)

 

[talon]

I've written a little here about some tensions between my therapist and me over the last several mon...

This is not how therapy is supposed to work you are the patient with the illness but it's related as if you have a problem rather than an illness . The therapists job is to help get to the roots of your illness and hopefully empower you to a positive outcome. Leaving at the end of a session feeling like it's not working is not good. Will keep in touch hopefully for you to use me as a sound board . Be Strong

 

[kilted]

THere's a few things in your description that concerned me, and a few that were positive.

The "artificial relationship" bit is all about language..... part of the process of therapy is co-constructing a new language so that you both have a sense of what the other means. Getting triggered by language often occurs when we don't check out what the other person means when they use particular words.....

The relational rupture/repair cycle is important in therapy and I would strongly disagree with the idea that when "relationship issues with him overshadow and take over the main storyline in therapy, perhaps he isn't a good fit".

If your therapist is a relational therapist then the relationship issues that arise between you will be the main focus of therapy as relational therapists believe that what happens in the therapeutic relationship is the only relationship the therapist can see and sense and therefore is the one to use as a guide to understanding the clients issues.

If your therapist is relational, he will see your anger as positive, and a sign that you are being genuine with him..... not fun for you.... but normal for him.

The key is knowing what type of therapy your therapist is..... what "modality" did he train in.

 

[whiteraven]

Thank you to all who have recently shared here. I've had a harrowing couple of weeks. A fall down a flight of stairs, followed by an intense bout with the flu. In-between, I've been emailing back-and-forth with my therapist, because I missed my last session (sick) and trying to prepare for my upcoming one.

I am somewhat more hopeful about our ability to move forward - he has been a lot more responsive to my concerns since my outburst (guess I need to start shouting more often LOL) and my email/letter that evening, and he made me mad enough that I'm not putting up with any more crap until it all gets addressed.

I really like him, besides. He is one of the good guys. He really has helped me and I just can't start over again with someone else.

 

[Beaglefan61]

The biggest thing a therapist can bring into a relationship is their own humanity. If they are willing to overcome misunderstandings or say 'my mistake, let's fix this' it is very healing when we learn first hand better ways to resolve issues than the ways many of us were taught when growing up. If you really like him, there must be something caring about him that has you feel safe. Therapists do need to care or we will sense that. If yours does and will work with you on issues coming up that need to be resolved, that is very healing and sets a good foundation of trust you need for dealing with old issues.

Good luck to you with current things being dealt with in ways they augment your healing rather than take away from your healing.
Some things like falling or flu, sadly stuff like that happens and it sure can take time and energy and have no way of being turned around into healing and are just things to overcome.
Best to you in getting better from recent stuff that has come up.

 

[whiteraven]

Thank you, @Beaglefan61. You mentioned feeling safe. I think you hit the nail on the head with that. I feel safe with this therapist, even when he's being a jerk. I haven't had that with anyone else.