Hi Somerandomguy,
Even your name, 'somerandomguy' tells me you don't think much of yourself. Yo've heard this before, but please, please don't hate yourself? At least give it a try long enough to gather the energy to go to your trauma therapist. If you have the energy, hold onto the thought that you have SOME small shred of hope or you wouldn't have posted! :)
I wasn't there, but can guess that the 2 hour fight covered an awful lot of tangents but was just plain frustration, hurt feelings, and crossed wires. I'm like you, and get triggered as SOON as there is contention within 25 feet of the situation, if you know what I mean. It doesn't lend itself to resolution, does it? :)
Your traumas were not your fault, which you know intellectually, and if you can manage to get to the therapist you will be able to get past this self-dislike and comfort yourself enough to internalize that. Being here really is a good step, and one which you probably would not have taken if you did not have hope you could get there, I don't think.
In the meantime ( and seriously- I do not mean to frustrate you further by giving unhelpful advice which will make you think RATS you just don't get it! ) maybe you can find some middle ground with your wife which will help mediate that no-mans land between 'unsexily' asking for sex because you just CAN'T and what she needs. Maybe something as simple and unsaid is possible for you, such as a silly little love note or a rose on her pillow, or a cd of goofy love songs from when you were dating playing with candles lit in the bedroom. It sounds as if she has a good idea of what you went through, and if you could non-verbally, non-touching, get to the same place another way you might be saved some triggers and at the same time fill her emotional needs. Please don't be frustrated if this is not at all helpful, I do not mean to sound preachy.
At the very least, I hope you know to come here and get beyond your self-dislike enough to start healing. You were victimized! You deserve to like yourself, love yourself genuinely, and have your life back!
Please keep posting. and take care?
Anni
Even your name, 'somerandomguy' tells me you don't think much of yourself. Yo've heard this before, but please, please don't hate yourself? At least give it a try long enough to gather the energy to go to your trauma therapist. If you have the energy, hold onto the thought that you have SOME small shred of hope or you wouldn't have posted! :)
I wasn't there, but can guess that the 2 hour fight covered an awful lot of tangents but was just plain frustration, hurt feelings, and crossed wires. I'm like you, and get triggered as SOON as there is contention within 25 feet of the situation, if you know what I mean. It doesn't lend itself to resolution, does it? :)
Your traumas were not your fault, which you know intellectually, and if you can manage to get to the therapist you will be able to get past this self-dislike and comfort yourself enough to internalize that. Being here really is a good step, and one which you probably would not have taken if you did not have hope you could get there, I don't think.
In the meantime ( and seriously- I do not mean to frustrate you further by giving unhelpful advice which will make you think RATS you just don't get it! ) maybe you can find some middle ground with your wife which will help mediate that no-mans land between 'unsexily' asking for sex because you just CAN'T and what she needs. Maybe something as simple and unsaid is possible for you, such as a silly little love note or a rose on her pillow, or a cd of goofy love songs from when you were dating playing with candles lit in the bedroom. It sounds as if she has a good idea of what you went through, and if you could non-verbally, non-touching, get to the same place another way you might be saved some triggers and at the same time fill her emotional needs. Please don't be frustrated if this is not at all helpful, I do not mean to sound preachy.
At the very least, I hope you know to come here and get beyond your self-dislike enough to start healing. You were victimized! You deserve to like yourself, love yourself genuinely, and have your life back!
Please keep posting. and take care?
Anni
