Welcome! This is a great resource to have, I'm glad you stumbled upon it and decided to post.
I have gone through similar things during my abuse. Being choked, my abuser trying to kill me. uuuugh
I hate that you also experienced such things. Someone trying to kill you. Anyone. Even the -threat- of being killed can be very intense, and damaging.
Some days I'm very sad, some days I have so much anger.
I understand. I am kind of having a lot of that going on. For now, more sadness than anger, but some pretty strong anger. It's good that you're feeling anger though - anger is better than blaming yourself and other such things. It was some serious progress for me to start feeling anger, instead of fear, self-blame, etc. I still struggle with fear/self-blame (etc.) vs anger stuff. I have a whole lot of fear going on.
I am determined to become genuinely happy with my life again.
That's good - that's a great thing to have going on. I have had that going on ever since I freed myself from my situation. It's driven me to go through with treatment to try to get myself back to some sort of "normal" even if it's different from the old me. I want to reclaim my life.
It's good that you want to reclaim yours too.
Are you seeing a therapist, or any other kind of mental health related professional, about what has happened? Some kind of therapy or counseling would be a really good idea, to help you get back to being genuinely happy with your life. It would be a good idea to see a trauma-specialized person, a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, etc.
I see someone who both handles my psych meds and does EMDR with me. It would be a good idea to get checked out by someone, so you know what you're dealing with and what you need to do to get back to being genuinely happy with your life.
