Sufferer Finally I Joined, Beginning My Journey Into Recovery

[dongchinchin]

Hey all, this is the first time I've posted in a forum about my mental illness. I've suffered from suicidal depression and later I found that I am really suffering from complex ptsd and DID from extreme child abuse.

It started 3 years ago after I graduated college. I had a panic attack and after that the world seemed crazy and unreal. I suffer from DP/DR as well, although that has greatly diminished presently. I didn't know what I had, and actually was in denial that I was even mentally ill until about last april, when I realized denial is what got me here in the first place.

I don't feel I am ready to tell my story yet. But I'm making this first step to try to connect with people who can relate. I have been hurt by so many people just by them invalidating me and 'educating' me on how I should feel. One thing I hate more than anything is when people TELL me what I'm going through, without ever listening or even validating what I say. They ALWAYS go, "Well, other people have it worse," or "I'm sure they didn't mean it like that!" when in actuality, they did.

I'm joining this forum because I want to connect to people who get it, and know how it 'feels,' to be numb and in disbelief from all the trauma AND the lies and gaslighting that goes along with it.

I've read countless books on the subject of child abuse and trauma, and only now I am starting to see the effects it's had on my life. I'm still in denial, and I am still numb and emotionally detached from myself and everyone around me. I am numb yet I am in pain.

I started going to therapy last november, and that has really helped. One thing I learned from what I'm going through is that all we really need is someone to listen to us, and care. Not tell us how we feel, how we SHOULD feel, and FORGIVE our tormentors. UM, NO.

Anyways, this is another step in my journey. I hope this helps.

 

[Viosinger]

I just joined as well :-)

I'm joining this forum because I want to connect to people who get it, and know how it 'feels,' to be numb and in disbelief from all the trauma AND the lies and gaslighting that goes along with it.

Amen. And welcome.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Dongchinchin,

Welcome to the forum!

One of the benefits of this site is the fact that the members here really do understand. Sometimes just having the validation of knowing what you are feeling is understood can go a long way in helping a person recover. Denial and minimization are huge stumbling blocks to recover and feeling safe enough to be honest can break down those walls.

Most people do not know how to listen and forget that humans have two ears and one mouth. We are too busy listening planning a response rather than listening to understand.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[Hope4Now]

I started going to therapy last november, and that has really helped. One thing I learned from what I'm going through is that all we really need is someone to listen to us, and care. Not tell us how we feel, how we SHOULD feel, and FORGIVE our tormentors. UM, NO.

Welcome. YES! Much of what you say resonates. I have spent a lifetime trying to talk myself into feeling the way others have told me I am supposed to feel. I hope you'll find lots of connection here. It is very very different from reading books about this stuff. We are all real people who are listening to each other!