Finally Making Progress!

[Iam]

Hi All,

I finally feel like I am making some progress! I hope it is not just a feeling or, if it is, that it lasts:smile: My T and I started the first of our "Healing of Memories" prayer sessions. We started with praying about something on a lower level of intensity for me. Can't say I felt a whole lot different last night other than less agitated. Of course a lot of my agitation was from anticipating having to describe in detail any one of my traumas. Today I am feeling so much more calm and hopeful. Last night was HUGE for me. I am hoping next Tuesday that it will be a little easier for me to go into whatever trauma my T and I agree to pray over. I really do feel like Jesus was there with me in what we prayed over and that it is now in His hands. It was so validating and comforting to hear him tell my father that he was my parent and responsible as my parent to treat me with love. Also that while Jesus felt sad for my father's hurts he was also angry at the way he had treated me. I feel like that little girl in me is being protected. Strange isn't it? But I really do! Wow!

 

[Jade-]

That's awesome Iam. Good for you!

 

[drannepratt]

What a remarkable part of your work! Congratulations to you and your therapist for working so beautifully together, and for working so beautifully with God!

Anne

 

[onlybygrace]

Cool....cool....cool....must I say more?

onlybygrace aka saved

 

[gdf]

I can hear a sigh of relief...great step forward Iam!

 

[AdamAnt]

Prayers for you Iam...be bold!

 

[curiouser]

How wonderful, good for you Iam, I'm so glad you've found something that is helping you to make progress. I hope it continues for you and that things continue to improve. :smile:

 

[Artista]

So very happy for you. Hope this is continuing. Really good news. You had lots on your plate so hope this feeling of moving ahead has given you all the strength you need!!!! : )

 

[Iam]

Thanks Artista. For now it is giving me strength and I believe when things are tough it will continue to give me strenght if I can just remember to give it to the Lord. Wish the work was done but hey.....growth is a life long process right!

 

[Iam]

This is realy crazy. I was so excited about the results of our prayer session that I emailed my T the next night. I really wanted to share the progress and my joy with him. I should have just waited for our next session, but I was just so excited. Usually he emails me back, but hasn't done so this time. I feel somewhat let down. How silly is that? I mean every time I have emailed him in the past it has been because I was freaking out or had a question in preparing for our next session so of course he'd respond. I guess I am getting way too dependent on him. Any thoughts?

 

[Jade-]

If he has emailed every time you have I can understand you feeling let down. If you feel you're getting way too dependent on him, maybe he can sense that and is backing off a bit. Or maybe it's as simple as him being busy and didn't even get your email yet.

 

[gdf]

Hi Iam,

I was just thinking about the above. I too used email with the last T (and the current T with success) and it worked pretty well until his personal life got so erratic he couldn't or wouldn't respond. I found myself using it in the same way as you describe; he eventually stopped really responding at all but keep in mind the guy was having serious and substantial personal issues to the point of not being able to work with his patient's, me included, by the time I switched Ts. This doesn't sound like the case with your T from what you have said I am guessing--he may just be busy. He may just be saying to himself, hey it's working, I don't have to respond because all is well. If we look at our situations and then multiply it by 25-30 hours=people a week they see then he is probably doing a kind of email "triage" and tending to email responses that have the highest level of crisis. Looking at it from that perspective makes sense in his professional life. This important thing is to be joyous in yourself for the victory. It is nice to share it with us and we are happy to hear of your success. Feeling let down sounds normal because this was a big deal for you. The first successes of healing are exhilarating. The first session where I actually talked about the details of my abuse felt so freeing I remember driving the hour home with the windows down in my car and breathing air and thinking it felt more light and refreshing than air had ever felt before--smells seemed more intense and the rushing wind on my arm resting in the open window felt like a totally new sensation.

Praying is a personal, intimate thing and to share it with your T in a therapeutic way even may feel like praying with close intimate friends. Remember there is a difference or the therapeutic bond could start to feel like friendship and that kind of puts therapy in the same category as talking with a friend vs. a skilled professional. Dependence vs. needing his help are different things but hard to define. We all get a little dependent on T's. We're supposed to to a degree and for people with PTSD giving over and trusting is hard. Maybe it just feels more dependent because it is just such a huge step.

On email: One tip I found helpful was to say in the address line "response needed" or "no response needed" so it was clearly spelled out. I also would tag the email with a return read receipt which in outlook responds as to how they responded like yes, he read it or he deleted it without reading it. This way you are letting him know upfront how important the return is and by tagging it with the read receipt you know that he read it.

Hopefully this is helpful/was helpful. Don't get discouraged.

Gina